At wits end w/teacher

[browning93]

I'm really angry right now!!!! Michaela's teacher has been giving us nothing but trouble since she started back to school last week. I took her copies of the discharge papers from Dr. Nath saying school was ok but no playground is how it's stated on the discharge papers. So at first she said why don't you bring her at 8:30( starting time) and pick her up at 10:00 (playground time). This is a public school system and I'm paying 96 dollars a month for pre-k.Not hardly worth it since I can feed her breakfast at home and only 1 hour of school, I don't think so!So I went to her supervisor who I've gotten to know rather well over the last few months because this isn't the first trouble we've had, and she said she would talk to the teacher because as she put it,"We have to accommadate her." She had a meeting with the teacher and was told that we agreed that Michalea would stay until after lunch and I would pick her up at naptime since it would be hard for her to lay on the type of cots they have.Then the teacher informs me that "It's a long day for her and I'd really rather have you pick her up before lunch". This pisses me off. She doesn't want to have to help Michaela in the lunchroom, carrying tray etc. The first week of school last fall she complained to me that she had to carry Michaela's tray for her and she didn't want the other children to percieve it as special treatment!Then a couple of weeks later she informed me she found a way for her to carry her tray which was fine.So I tried to be compromising and said I'd pick her up at before lunchtime even though lunch is included in that 96 dollar fee, and I would do this till spring break cause I was kinda concerned about her being knocked around in the lunchroom. So Iv'e been doing that the last 1 1/2 weeks. Michaela has been upset because at playground they've been putting her in a chair sitting out in the hot sun, instead of under the big cool tent where the teachers stand in the shade and even though I sent card games for Michaela to ask her friends to play with her, the teacher won't let her get them out of her backpack.
The last straw was today. Michaela didn't want to got o school. "It's stupid and boring and I sit in the sun on the playground and nobody plays with me!" As usual she deals with emotional things by wetting. Hasn't wet at school in 4 months. The teacher called me at 10:15 to tell me that Michaela had wet and that the rule is the children have to change theirselves and that I have to come and change her because she's not allowed to help her. Now granted I know it's not the most pleasant experience to change a wet child and normally she could do it herself but come on. I went and changed Michaela and the teacher knew I was pissed. The only words I said to her was" I don't have time to drive back in 1 hour to pick her up so she's going home NOW! Maybe I'm not being rational cause I'm so mad!!!!! Have an appt. with the school counselor on Friday who has supposedly been working since October (kinda slow huh!) to get her declared physically impaired and set up an IEP.
I'm so tired of fighting. Fighting the insurance company, fighting the school, and on top of it all fighting Michaela.Her attitude really sucks right now. Physically, she's excellent, mentally, she has all this pent up energy and is driving us nuts. I know it's because she can't ride her bike and scooter and do all the stuff on her swing set,etc. but this thing at school can't be helping either. I know that's why she wet today at playground time cause she wanted to come home.Tried to make it the most boring day for her. No TV, and made her nap. She must have needed it, She just woke up and slept 3 hours.At least I got somethings accomplished during that time. I hate to be so negative and usually aren't but I'm in a don't know what to do place if you get my drift! I don't want to go to her supervisor again cause I've done it so much I feel like I'm tattling. At the same time I don't feel like I should have to pull her out of school because the teacher can't deal with it. She seems to have no compassion at all. She says Michaela can do anything the other kids can we just give her more time. The fact that she has to have more time should tell her something!!! Any ideas or comfort appreciated! LeeAnne

[Lenni]

Well, this teacher does not sound very kind, and perhaps should not be teaching, however you need to know all the details about her situation too. What I mean is, who is her employer, what are her job expections, ect.... The reason I say this is I think being informed will help you decide on your course of action. Also, what agreement, if any, did you sign, for the $96.00 a month? Was there anything already written into the agreement about children who may need extra help?

Once I had my answers, I would write a very straight forward letter to the teacher, one without blame, which states: This is what I pay for, this is what my child needs, your employer says that you are supposed to provide it and if you cannot than deal directly with them, and make it work because that is who I pay! This is me informing you I want more and next time I will go directly to your employer.

I certainly do not think you should be paying any money for the current services your child is receiving. She is obviously unhappy with her class, your right. Goodluck, and remember keep smiling!

Lenni

[browning93]

Her employer is the county school system. We have to pay for pre-k based on income because there weren't enough lottery funds this year to pay for the program.There are 3,4,and 5 year olds in the program. Yes, I know the kids are supposed to change themselves, but she's in a Mod Quad splint for heaven's sake!If it were me in that position I would think I would have a little compassion and help the child instead of worrying about the rules.

[Lenni]

I can see you are very angry! I agree with you about having some compasion for a child needing help, I would take the time to help a child too. I was simply suggesting that you be sure of all the details before you make your decision on how to deal with this. Once again, I wish you and your daughter good luck!

Lenni

[Tessie258]

Well...This is a loaded subject for me because we've had nothing but trouble with school.
I know exactly how you feel...I get so tired of the fight. I ended up home schooling for a year and it was great but Jame wanted to go to Jr. High and it has been a struggle again...They don't believe he needs OT/PT because it isn't necessary to his education....I'm sick of fighting too!
When I home schooled I joined a group of about 20 other moms and it was a good experience.

About the wetting...I understand the law says they can't change them because of health reasons and also the chance of getting sexually abused(I was sexually abused as a child-it does happen) But what about reminding her to use the bathroom!! If the teacher is so unaproachable to you she may be unaproachable to your daughter...she may be afraid to ask to go to the restroom. It sounds like you have a creepy teacher.
Is this a government run program? If it is you may have a leg to stand on but I'm not sure about private school...Maybe you should go to the local news?
I would start hunting for a different school...maybe a charter school??? Maybe you could have her tested to get into a Department of Developemental disabilities program???
I hate that they have so much power. It is about control...you either fit in or we'll drive you away. I hope I never fit in if it means losing who I am along the way. Please keep us updated...The school made Jameson sit in 100 degree weather while he wore his SOL brace...I gave them heck and they allowed him to do computers at the time the other kids were doing recess. Does the school have the option of a cold lunch in a bag? At my kids school if they tell them in the morning they can get a cold sack lunch...Maybe it is a compromise(no tray)
ANyway...please let me know what happens. I need all the ideas I can get!
T.

[Kristie]

LeeAnne,
Would it be possible to switch Michaela into a class with a different teacher? I realize that she has made friends in that room but maybe if she understood that this teacher is having a hard time... (I mean tell her the truth but help it not sound so bad)... and that you want her in a class that will be fun for her.

I might would also go and check in on the class unannounced. You are way nicer than I would be... my child would stay through lunch.... maybe there is another child that would like to be her Lunch buddy and help with her tray and all that good stuff... maybe even a older kid (if they lunch with older ones).

The playground thing really needs to change! I am not good at this but I think I would have to have a conversation with the teacher and explain my feelings. I can't believe someone would be working with kids if they seem to have the issues that this teacher is having.

Overall I if it were possible I would try to change teachers!

And I am soo sorry that you guys are having to go through this! It is soo wrong!
Blessings,
Kristie

[browning93]

I understand the reasons about not changing them. A friend of mine that works in the school system told me tonight that the teacher could have sent her to the clinic to be changed as the school nurse has gloves,etc.She said she changed plenty of school kids in the clinic and if I hadn't answered my phone and had been unavailable what would she have done? I would think it would be more unsanitary to let her sit on the furniture or floor in the class room.And it's not like she has a habit of wetting.

I had her tested for the disabilities program and she tested first grade level on alot of things and she could hold paper and cut with scissors with her wrist splint on so they said she needed to be mainstreamed and a therapist could pull her out of class. Huh! Still waiting for that to happen. It seems in our program you have to be severely disabled or you fall through the cracks. Plus, since she tested that well at age 4 1/2 she's bored in the pre-k class.The only reasons I didn't keep her home this year was because she's an only child and I thought she needed to be around other kids. I also thought I could get a jump on this IEP thing so when she starts Kindergarten next year it would be all set up.

[CW1992]

You sound like you need a big hug! I think you've been given some great input. I want to throw in the other side of this though - because sometimes hearing the other side of a situation is helpful. My friend is a preschool teacher and she is not allowed to help the kids in the restroom. The kids are to be potty trained and if they have an accident she can not help them with their "private" areas - no teachers are allowed to at the school. It is not a punishment to the child or parent, but a school rule to protect everyone. I think it is hard in general to be a good teacher and every child already comes to the classroom with different levels of abilities and needs - especially at preschool age. Preschoolers may not understand why one child can bring toys from home for recess or why one child is treated special or differently than the rest no matter how many ways you try to explain it to them. Even explaining to preschoolers that "Michaela gets to because...." - they'll still ask "Why" and some won't understand - just preschool age thinking! I'm sure at home you've realized how much Michaela might need your help more now that her spint is on and how she has lots of pent up energy and has been driving you nuts - - maybe she has been no picnic for her teacher and classmates either and the teacher is worn out too with trying to keep an active child safe. She has probably had to make adjustments in her class routine too. Imagine how many times you must be accidently hit with the big splint when Michaela is home and then imagine a class full of preschoolers all lining up to do their activities or 'centers' or have nap time and how often the splint must hit the others accidently, or knock over their paint or glue or knock over projects.... Maybe the classroom is not big enough or equipped to handle all that you've asked of your teacher even though it is public preschool and should be equipped. Also maybe other parents aren't as understanding as they could be either and this has added to the teacher's stress of keeping all parents happy. What if you were the parent of one of Michaela's classmates (who also pays for preschool) and you noticed that the teacher spent so much time helping only one child to go through the day and you thought your child was not getting the attention that they deserved because the teacher spent so much time helping one child complete tasks or do projects.

I understand why you are angry and it sure seems that the teacher would want to be a little more compassionate but I'm guessing she probably already does do alot more than you even know she does throughout the day. Sometimes lunchtime and recess are the only breaks that a teacher gets throughout the day and maybe that's the case with your teacher and that is why she seems so cold during that time. I would think it would be very stressful for a teacher to have the extra responsibility of a child who has just had surgery and is in an awkward sized cast. She would have to keep a closer eye on that child not only for the child's sake but for her classmates too (with the big cast) The whole class would be affected. It did sound like the teacher and the school was trying to work with you and your daughter. I hope that your meeting on Friday goes good for you. I know that sometimes I get upset and angry and then when I stop and see things from the other's point of view it helps me understand better where to go from there to make things work. Just like you want them to understand your feelings - it's good to understand their feelings too so that you can make this work. I hope this helps you somehow because that's what I was hoping to do. Christy

[DebbieJean]

Hi. I feel for you, and understand where you are coming from. As far as not changing your daughter in
school, that is a crock. For them to let a child sit in her pee cloths, is not only unsanitary, but unhealthy to the other children, besides her. In our school they have a policy in place for this. They have a change of cloths for the kids. They SHOULD
be prepared for this to happen. If the teachers can't change them, then they should get someone who can.(A Nurse). As far as you paying for lunch. I would talk to the principal about this. You should not have to pay for something that you don't receive. If the teacher doesn't want to help with the tray. She should at least tell you. Granted, I am sure she is busy throughout her day (Aren't we all) BUT, if she has a problem with the cast hitting kids, etc....She should let you know.
That is what a good teacher does. It is called communication. If she can not communicate with you, then she should also tell you this.
You have every right to be upset. I think a good teacher takes into consideration, all parents, and their childrens feeling, and learns to work with everyone.
The school sounds like a place where I would not want to send my children. For embarassment from wet pants, and not playing cards with the other kids, also carries
lifelong memories.
We have to decide what is better for our child.
I hope it all works out for you. Let us know.
I will pray for you to help them understand empathy.

Sorry this is so long, but I had similar thing happen to my child. The school changed their policy.

[francine]

Lee Anne - if this teacher is giving you such an attitude - can you imagine how she is treating your daughter when you aren't around? Try and get her moved into another classroom - this is so unhealthy - emotionally. Your daughter needs good positive support and a good role model. What is this teacher teaching her? To be inflexible? To be cruel and totally uncompassionate? This does not sound like a good role model to me. I would also complain right up the system. Your daughter isn't the first child to have special needs and won't be the last.... and what about ADA laws??? Sounds like your daughter's rights are being violated in numerous ways. This teachers needs to learn a few things herself!