United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

The anger I feel just exhausts me and whenever I feel it bubbling up, like when my 15 month old is screaming through a therapy session, I try to take a deep breath and know that my anger can be used constructively to help her, or destructively, like wallowing in it!

I am a mother of 4 children and my 4th baby happens to be the one that has Rt. BPI, and I am angry at the fact that when I told the nurse and Dr. that if I had not had her within 3-4 hrs. we needed to discuss myself having a C-Section, but they told me "NO", they wanted me to have her natural, when the Dr. came in at 9:00am and I had not her, the Dr. said she did not want to go over to the office and then have to come back to deliver her, by 9:40am, I got the feeling that I needed to push, so the nurse checked me, I was dilated to 8, so the Dr. said with my next contraction to push so I did, well by this time I was extremely exhausted, I had been in labor for 10 hrs. and 47 mins.
well her head came out so fast, I told the Dr. I could not push anymore, she said that it was really important for me to push to get the rest of her out, she did not even wait for me to gain the strength enough to push the rest of her out she just pulled on her head and neck, then when she came out they told me they thought they broke her Rt. Clavical, the hospital pediatrician ordered X-Rays, they came back negative, that is when they told me she had BPI, so I have been researching it ever since, to find out that this was a preventable situation, I am angry at that, I am angry because I don't know exactly what it is, I am angry that on the sonograms I had showed she was going to have all mobility of everything, I am angry that the Dr. and nurses did not listen to me, I am angry that she is not going to be able to do the things other babies her age are going to be able to do, I am angry that she is going to be disabled the rest of her life, I am angry that she will never be the same, I am angry that we have applied for Social Security to help financially take care of her by having to travel about 60 to 75 miles every 3 months and 30-40 miles once a week, that ways on us financially considering we are considered a low income family, only to have been denied, they say she is not disabled, they say she is getting better with therapy, I am angry because they don't know because they are not with her each and everyday, they don't know what we go through they don't know if she is getting or going to get better, I am angry because I feel it is my fault, I am angry that the Dr. feels no shame or is not sorry or has not tried to compensate for what she did, she was in such a hurry to deliver her because she did not want to have to go to the office and then come back to the hospital to deliver her, I am angry that every thing would be normal if the Dr. would have been patient, I am angry because I feel this way, I am angry because I don't know how to deal with this, I am angry at the fact I have been keeping all of this inside. I am glad at the fact that I found other people who I can talk to and who understand my situation. Thank you for listening to me blap.