United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi Dawn - I have visited the concept of forgiveness so many times but I can't get there yet. I think I would be more able to forgive if I knew that the doctor was making some sort of amends or retraining herself and stop birthing babies. But it was a while back that I met someone in a park and she had the same doc and her son was injured and she told me that she knew of 3 others who had infants who were injured within a 3 month span of her son's birth. So this is why I'm having trouble with it.

I think that if our doctors stood up to the fact that they did wrong, gave us information about the injury, explained and admitted and apologized for what happened, helped us find some direction (like - you will need to see a neurologist and a PT and do ROM etc etc)and communicated with us throughout - things would be so much different.

But they don't do that. They lie about the birth, they don't tell you anything about what you need to do, send you on your way and then sit there in a deposition conference room or in the courtroom and lie through their teeth. I don't know how to forgive a person like that! I don't know that a person like this SHOULD be forgiven.

When I was married to my first husband, he had an affair with my so called best friend. It went on for a long time without me knowing it and was a huge shock when I finally found out. He said that we could work it out in counseling so we went and tried. I asked the counselor, "how am I going to forgive him for this?" Counselor said that I would have to "trust him first." So I asked, "how am I ever going to trust him again?" and counselor said, "With history... see how things go for six months or more. If his behavior stays positive, etc. then you'll grow a trust with him again." Well he remained an a**h*le and continued his shenanigans and I decided that he wasn't creating a new history with me and I divorced him. It's now 15 years later. Have I forgiven him for this affair? nope -can't say I have. Does it eat me up alive anymore? nope...I've come to a place of understanding and I feel more sorry for him than anything else and I keep my distance and have no involvement with him with the exception of my eldest daughter's needs. HOWEVER - if he came to me and talked to me about it and explained and apologized to me and was respectful to me, it would have been EASY to forgive him....in a second!

I guess each person has their own path on what forgiveness means to them and how to go forward. It's not an easy thing to figure out, I'll tell you that much.

-francine

1-the way we were not fully informed
2-the way the handeled the protocole
3-MOSTLY the feeling everyone was hiding something from us made me feel VERY angy...like if we where stupid enough not to notice !!!

I have been doing some research on forgiveness. It is an incredibly interesting topic, and actually can be very complicated. Just like healing, it is a PROCESS.

How can people be expected to move forward unless the completely understand where they are?

Please please please ALLOW people to feel what they feel, and to express their feelings fully and in this safe environment.

IT IS OKAY to feel anger and to express it. We are entitled to feel angry, and entitled to be free to express that anger.

We are also entitled to move through the anger and embrace forgiveness, if we choose that path. We may not be ready to choose that path right now, or ever...My son is eight years old now, and I am just now starting to READ about forgiveness.

I don't know if I can ever forgive anything about this trauma, but I am exploring my options.

Each of us will have a different truth and life story.

As I sort through the forgiveness stuff, it has become clear to me that some things cannot be forgiven, and that there are different kinds of forgiveness! And perhaps for each of us these definitions will differ. This has been very reassuring for me, knowing that there is no right way to have feelings!

Please respect each other's right to feel whatever it is we feel. If you feel anger, go right ahead. If you feel forgiveness, that's great. Just because we are at different places on this path does not mean that we cannot embrace one another in support and understanding to the best of our ability.

I think anger is to be respected and honored for the role it can play in our lives. Ignoring it or trying to smother it will only cause more damage in the end, and prevent you from moving forward, I believe. That has been my experience.

Bridget

Francine & Bridget

What great notes.
Forgiveness is very difficult.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting.
We learn from our past experience both good and bad and when we fail to pay attention to those life lessons we will surly repeat them.

Anger is not something we can truly control it is a feeling.
It is how we act upon that feeling and how we embrace it.
If we make anger our constant companion we will have no other companions.
If we address the issues that make us angry we will be one step closer to resolving our anger. If we deny that anger, we will be forced to feel unsettled all of the time.
It is better to look the anger in the eye and find a way to get past it.
Anger is like a sleeping giant and from time to time this ugly uncomfortable feeling will surface when least expected. It is like the uninvited guest in our spirit.
I don’t think anyone really enjoys being angry, it just pops up on us sometimes when we least expect it.

I taught 3rd Grade religion in an after school program for 8 years one of the lessons was on Forgiving, Blessing and praying for your enemies...
The children asked why I never got promoted. I told them because I still had to learn that lesson of forgiveness and when I learned I would then move on. I taught a total of 16 years but that lesson I review weekly for 8 years.
Forgiveness is easy to give, if the person who harmed you asks for it. It is so much harder to forgive, when the person denies responsibility for their actions. And even harder when you must pay the consequence for their actions.

Just my thinking at this moment in time.
This has been a very interesting post on all the boards.

It is interesting to see how each of us,
connected by the tender brachial plexus nerves,
connect on this subject.
Kath

Francine, I purposefully did not read after the first page when this thread started. I couldn't bring myself to read or post. I know I need to do this excercise for myself but I've spent so much time dealing with everyday life and all it brings that I can't and don't seem to want to bring up what I'm angry about. I don't feel I can deal with it right now. Our trial will be soon and I'm hoping that may help me bring up the anger and deal with it.Pray for me that I can work this out. I can't let myself think about it. Afraid of the rage.LeeAnne

By the way - just in case you are reading my post about forgiveness wrong.... I wanted to clarify that I am just writing what I am experiencing about it and have experienced about it....if others can forgive I applaud where they are in their process.... my post was NOT meant in any way shape or form to discredit what anybody else is writing about.

Yes - everyone should be entitled to be just where they are and I believe that this string of posts has been VERY respectful of that. Everyone is just sharing where they are and no one is knocking anyone (at least I haven't felt it in here)

Keep on sharing - it's great. I'm so glad we are doing this.

-francine

LeeAnne,

Your phrase "Afraid of the rage" really struck a chord with me, it brought tears to my eyes. I think I was where you are right now at one time, and I just want to let you know that you will be okay with time...it is good that you are aware of what you are able of handling right now, trust yourself. When you are strong enough and ready to tackle the anger and face it head on you will do it! You will know when the time is right to do this.

Meanwhile, if you need a way to let off steam without getting burned or jumping into the fire, try journaling. Writing just for yourself and no one else, you can throw the writing away or burn it when you are done if you want to. This really helped me get to a place where I felt I could handle looking at my feelings.

Good luck!

Bridget

i jUST THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BRING THIS BACK TO THE FIRST PAGE FOR THOSE OF US THAT DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO VENT YET !!!!