Parents are victomised too.
Parents are victomised too.
I was devastated the day he hurt my daughter. From that day forward my life has changed. He never told us what he had done. It was our pediatrician that had to do that. Ever since our lives have been absorbed by this injury. physical therapy from six weeks on, and still to this day. At least a dozen specialist, traveling miles on end. Nerve transfer, Botex, more pt and ot. and yet again she has to have surgery again next month. It just really hurts sometimes, well all the time. He still drives his black porsche and goes home to his million dollar house every day. It never even phased him. I have also learned he has done this to many.... other children. I'm proud of my daughter, she is my inspiration. After all she's been through, she happy,loving and spoiled rotten. She it the strongest person I've ever know. In his deposition he denies everything, he does not recall any specifics. Clearly a legal tactic. How could he do this to and innocent child and have no remorse? I guess he will have his own judgement one day. I bet if it would have been one of his children he would have handled it differently. My wife, poor woman, is scared psychologically scorned for life. Our relationship will never be the same. We will never be the people we once were. I know a lot of you know what I am saying here. Our finances are in ruins, and we will bankrupt very soon. I just hope we can keep from losing our home. We are in the legal process, but that could take years. It wasn't suppose to be like this. This is our first child and suppose to be the happiest time of our life. We went to every class, never missed a Dr's appointment. We tried to do every thing right. In a moments haste he not only injured my daughter, he's destroyed our lives. We went to our deposition's,what an ordeal. It felt as if we were on trial, all we were guilty of was trusting them with our care. We were not there to critique the staff, this was our first child. We did not know right from wrong at the time. But yet they expect play by play details any its been a long time. I hope this works out for her, as for us there is no gain. Even know there should be because our lives will never be the same. I cant comprehend why he didn't have to report this, If I had done this to her she would have been taken from us and I would be in jail. Sorry I am all over the place here, but it hard to keep my mind straight. To my Friends here at UBPN, Thank you for your time and support. We all have different stories, but we all can relate.
Re: Parents are victomised too.
You just told my story only 14yrs later. I only wish my then husband would have been able to talk or even write about the horror we went through. Instead he closed himself off would'nt talk about it or help me deal with it and our marriage ended by time my son was 3. I have had to do everything alone even down to his last surgery far from home. He still sees his son but now has another wife and 2 daughters. The relationship my son should have with his dad is just not there and its sad and sometimes I cry because if it weren't for that doctor our lives would have been so different. Our doctors did however admit he tried to turn my sons head 180 degrees so we won but not really. My son will have money for college and life but I have a feeling of deep lose of what should have been and the the anger of the life that was taken from my son. Our doctors also had 5 bpi's before my son and crushed a baby girls brain stem just weeks before my sons birth and yes he is still in practice. Thank you for telling your story its so important for dads to express how they feel after all it didn't just happen to your wife and daughter it also happened to you. Best of luck. Mare
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karategirl1kyu
- Posts: 363
- Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 12:59 am
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: LOBPI, had surgery when I was 9- they moved muscles and tendons from one side of my arm to the other side. I can lift my arm to about my eye level, can't straigten it all the way and can't completely supinate my wrist.
- Location: Richmond, RI
Re: Parents are victomised too.
i wish i could do something, college money would be great, though it wouldnt compensate near enough to the stress and BS!
~Mel
~Mel
~Mel/23/LOBPI
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mommieinneed
- Posts: 181
- Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:19 pm
Re: Parents are victomised too.
Thanks for sharing. I think you told it best when you said if we did this to our children they would have been taken from us and there would have been a jail term, why then not for drs that do this to our children that is a really good question.
Re: Parents are victomised too.
I can understand some of your sentiment, but not all. It really don't think it is fair nor true to say that "if you had done this to your child you'd be in jail". Yes, if you had done something that had this kind of tragic impact ON PURPOSE that would be true. But please keep in mind... the doctors who caused these injuries, whether not it was true or based in scientific fact, believed their actions are necessary. I really sincerely doubt that a single OB/GYN or midwife just yanked the kid out and caused injury for the hell of it in an otherwise uneventful delivery. If they took children, delivered without injury, and deliberately swung them around by their arms thus causing injury... yes, they should be in jail (or shot!). But that is not a realistic description of what happened. I don't think it helps anyone's healing (child or parent) to make it sound otherwise.
Another way of thinking about it. Say you get in a car accident tomorrow. The car is a wreck and the engine is smoking. You are terrified that it will explode (because of course that's what you've seen on TV all these years...). Your child is strapped into a car seat in the back. In your panic and urgency, you don't get the straps off properly and drag them out of the car anyway. In the act of getting your child out, you injure his or her arm. I would hope that you would not go to jail for it!! EVEN IF it turns out there was no real danger, EVEN IF you should have known how to get them out of their car seat without injury, and so on.
Make no bones about it... I think this injury is a tragedy and should and could have been avoided in many cases. But I do NOT think that any doctors intentionally hurt children. I blame the medical establishment as a whole - moreso than the individual doctors - for this injury continuing to happen. Doctors are ill-prepared and many completely uneducated on how to handle shoulder dystocia without causing further injury. They come out of school that way, and nothing in their further licensing requires any further education. They cause injury and STILL there is no requirement for remedical education or training. THAT is the real "crime" of BPI.
Kate
Another way of thinking about it. Say you get in a car accident tomorrow. The car is a wreck and the engine is smoking. You are terrified that it will explode (because of course that's what you've seen on TV all these years...). Your child is strapped into a car seat in the back. In your panic and urgency, you don't get the straps off properly and drag them out of the car anyway. In the act of getting your child out, you injure his or her arm. I would hope that you would not go to jail for it!! EVEN IF it turns out there was no real danger, EVEN IF you should have known how to get them out of their car seat without injury, and so on.
Make no bones about it... I think this injury is a tragedy and should and could have been avoided in many cases. But I do NOT think that any doctors intentionally hurt children. I blame the medical establishment as a whole - moreso than the individual doctors - for this injury continuing to happen. Doctors are ill-prepared and many completely uneducated on how to handle shoulder dystocia without causing further injury. They come out of school that way, and nothing in their further licensing requires any further education. They cause injury and STILL there is no requirement for remedical education or training. THAT is the real "crime" of BPI.
Kate
Re: Parents are victomised too.
I agree with you dad! You wouldn't believe all the money that we don't have that we have spent on our son's care. The last surgery bill was 33,000 and like I said before that is just one surgery and with two more on the horizon we are hurting pretty severely.
My husband is the only one working because I stay home to do therapy with my 6 month old baby. The money is not the issue, and I am sure that all of you parents will agree that you would pay ANYTHING, even with your lives just to get perfect function in your child's arm.
I too had trusted the doctor, after my child was injured he said that my baby sustained a very minor injury and that he should be better in 2-3 weeks. That would have been the case if he had not RIPPED 3 of the nerves out of his spinal column. When I protested the Medical records, he reviewed my changes and REFUSED to admit that anything had gone wrong. THIS MAKES ME SOOOOOO MAD!!!! Not only did my son get an injury, but I did also. I had two nurses pushing on my stomach to try and get baby out along with doctor pulling on baby. I RIPPED OPEN before the baby could come out.
My husband is the only one working because I stay home to do therapy with my 6 month old baby. The money is not the issue, and I am sure that all of you parents will agree that you would pay ANYTHING, even with your lives just to get perfect function in your child's arm.
I too had trusted the doctor, after my child was injured he said that my baby sustained a very minor injury and that he should be better in 2-3 weeks. That would have been the case if he had not RIPPED 3 of the nerves out of his spinal column. When I protested the Medical records, he reviewed my changes and REFUSED to admit that anything had gone wrong. THIS MAKES ME SOOOOOO MAD!!!! Not only did my son get an injury, but I did also. I had two nurses pushing on my stomach to try and get baby out along with doctor pulling on baby. I RIPPED OPEN before the baby could come out.
Re: Parents are victomised too.
Ok 2nd time my computer died,
I think you are an awesome man! You are there for your wife. and trust me she needs it. some men try but cannot be there sometimes. I congratulate you for posting from a mans view. this journey is hard. i say journey b/c it never ends ot,pt,doc, law, etc! this is a hard time and to have a man like you makes life so much better!
as far as the economic part, i would try to get federal help! do not give up! hold a hearing if needed. i did. this should not cause you to become bankrupt. america should not let this happen! it angers me.
and, lastly i will never forgive the fact that i was not given the standard of care we deserved! it is not all about pulling it involves the whole medical treatment that failed! you have the right to be upset and hopefully we all/ bpi community/ get things changed for these injuries. Good luck and my congrats for being a great rock for your wife!
I think you are an awesome man! You are there for your wife. and trust me she needs it. some men try but cannot be there sometimes. I congratulate you for posting from a mans view. this journey is hard. i say journey b/c it never ends ot,pt,doc, law, etc! this is a hard time and to have a man like you makes life so much better!
as far as the economic part, i would try to get federal help! do not give up! hold a hearing if needed. i did. this should not cause you to become bankrupt. america should not let this happen! it angers me.
and, lastly i will never forgive the fact that i was not given the standard of care we deserved! it is not all about pulling it involves the whole medical treatment that failed! you have the right to be upset and hopefully we all/ bpi community/ get things changed for these injuries. Good luck and my congrats for being a great rock for your wife!
Re: Parents are victomised too.
And it's the lawyers and doctors who feed off concerned parents. They make hand-over-fist and putting parents into bankruptcy.
Talk about victimizing parents. The stories I've heard of lawyers pulling stunts on parents at the last minute to get more money. And doctors coming up with "New" technologies that most health insurances won't pay for only to experiment on your kid. Sure, morgage your house, it's for your kid.
Pretty much sucks all around.
Talk about victimizing parents. The stories I've heard of lawyers pulling stunts on parents at the last minute to get more money. And doctors coming up with "New" technologies that most health insurances won't pay for only to experiment on your kid. Sure, morgage your house, it's for your kid.
Pretty much sucks all around.
Re: Parents are victomised too.
ROBPI Dad;
My parents were devastated too. My Mother couldn’t understand how her baby could be injured. My Father was angry to think that his child would grow up to be a "cripple" and wanted to give the doctor a good beating and he may have (I’m not advocating you do something like that!!). But you what? In all of my youth and adult years I was never, ever aware of their concerns. I was raised as a normal kid who happened to have a bum arm. I went to PT and I had a surgery because that’s we had to do to make it better.
I was oblivious to the depth of my parents feelings until I happened upon UBPN and started reading the Message Boards. Because my parents had never revealed their feelings, it was clear to me that that part of my injury was for them to deal with and not for me.
I started speaking to my Mother (she was 94 at the time) about my injury several years ago carefully at first because I didn’t want to open old wounds. Tears would come to my Mother’s eyes and she’d ask “Did we do enough?” and I’d always answer “Yes” because it was true. They sacrificed their time, energy, and money (there wasn’t any health insurance then) to ensure that I was positioned to lead a productive life. There were unintended sacrifices for my siblings although they weren’t aware of them.
So although the frustration and grief will never leave you, you seem to have an understanding of what must be done:
• Love your child with all your being.
• Be prepared to sacrifice your time, effort, and money to ensure your child achieves the maximum possible recovery.
-- This may mean unintended sacrifices to your other children.
• Treat your OBPI child as you treat your other children.
-- With love and respect without undue attention to their injury.
• Encourage your child when they want to participate in activities that may be physically challenging to them.
• Ensure your child receives the education and training that will enable them to lead a productive life.
• Prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster for yourself and your child.
• Remember that, in the end, you and your child will learn to cope with the injury.
-- How well your child copes will likely be influenced by how well you do.
Regarding Kate’s thoughts about the physicians, I agree that intentional injury to any child doesn’t happen. However, it’s the physicians that are involved in multiple injuries that are most troubling to me.
John P.
ROBPI for 68 years.
My parents were devastated too. My Mother couldn’t understand how her baby could be injured. My Father was angry to think that his child would grow up to be a "cripple" and wanted to give the doctor a good beating and he may have (I’m not advocating you do something like that!!). But you what? In all of my youth and adult years I was never, ever aware of their concerns. I was raised as a normal kid who happened to have a bum arm. I went to PT and I had a surgery because that’s we had to do to make it better.
I was oblivious to the depth of my parents feelings until I happened upon UBPN and started reading the Message Boards. Because my parents had never revealed their feelings, it was clear to me that that part of my injury was for them to deal with and not for me.
I started speaking to my Mother (she was 94 at the time) about my injury several years ago carefully at first because I didn’t want to open old wounds. Tears would come to my Mother’s eyes and she’d ask “Did we do enough?” and I’d always answer “Yes” because it was true. They sacrificed their time, energy, and money (there wasn’t any health insurance then) to ensure that I was positioned to lead a productive life. There were unintended sacrifices for my siblings although they weren’t aware of them.
So although the frustration and grief will never leave you, you seem to have an understanding of what must be done:
• Love your child with all your being.
• Be prepared to sacrifice your time, effort, and money to ensure your child achieves the maximum possible recovery.
-- This may mean unintended sacrifices to your other children.
• Treat your OBPI child as you treat your other children.
-- With love and respect without undue attention to their injury.
• Encourage your child when they want to participate in activities that may be physically challenging to them.
• Ensure your child receives the education and training that will enable them to lead a productive life.
• Prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster for yourself and your child.
• Remember that, in the end, you and your child will learn to cope with the injury.
-- How well your child copes will likely be influenced by how well you do.
Regarding Kate’s thoughts about the physicians, I agree that intentional injury to any child doesn’t happen. However, it’s the physicians that are involved in multiple injuries that are most troubling to me.
John P.
ROBPI for 68 years.
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brandonsmom
- Posts: 1401
- Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 4:43 pm
Re: Parents are victomised too.
ROBPI DAD,
I have read this post over and over and I thought I would post.
My son was born with a ROBPI nine years ago. My husband was military and was born in a military hospital. It is not fair at all, they don't say I am sorry they show no remorse what so ever. It was hard for us too because my husband couldn't say a word about it because he was active duty. So although I know how he felt, he could tell no one else. They stripped him of his TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE and eventually his career, 7 years later we are better off. I know that he feels the same way I do, except that I was more hostile, since I had the daily therapy, the hospital therapy , the doctors visits, the fighting for the insurance comapnies all to do by myslef, because my hubby wasn't "ALLOWED"
I can tell you like has been posted, these kids are AMAZING....RESILIENT and just plain awewsome. Brandon (MY CHILD WITH ROBPI) is the happiest kid I have, and I have four. He rarely complains and when he does, it is just because he is hurting. HE plays sports as good if not better that most kids, he swims and rides a bike. Yes, I would have loved to beat the you know what out of a few doctors, well, I slmost did, but my hubby pulled me away before I could get close enough. (DARN IT) LOL
I agree with everything that John P said. I wish that he was around when I was feeling sorry for myself and I lost the first two years of my child's life.
Brandon doesn't even know that he has an injury, well of course he knows, but he doesn't let it bother him. The other night, he was sitting on my lap and I was rubbing his arm (WHY, just because that is what I do when he sits on my lap it is just habit I guess) and he said to me..."Mommy, I love what you did for me when I Was a baby" I looked at him all puzzled " He said" Mom I know you worked with me to make my arm work and I know you did everything that you could for me whan I was little AND that is why I love you sooooo much" Out of the mouths of babes....That is all that needs to be said there.
Kids do realize....enjoy the roller coaster ride, we have riden that roller coaster too. Sometimes it made me laugh, sometimes it made me sry. I was fortunate that my husband stood behind me quietly and let me do waht needed to be done. I knew he approved he just couldn't show it. Just please don't lose out on your childs younger years, I wish I hadn't !!!
Gayle (MOM of Brandon 9 years old ROBPI)
I have read this post over and over and I thought I would post.
My son was born with a ROBPI nine years ago. My husband was military and was born in a military hospital. It is not fair at all, they don't say I am sorry they show no remorse what so ever. It was hard for us too because my husband couldn't say a word about it because he was active duty. So although I know how he felt, he could tell no one else. They stripped him of his TOP SECRET SECURITY CLEARANCE and eventually his career, 7 years later we are better off. I know that he feels the same way I do, except that I was more hostile, since I had the daily therapy, the hospital therapy , the doctors visits, the fighting for the insurance comapnies all to do by myslef, because my hubby wasn't "ALLOWED"
I can tell you like has been posted, these kids are AMAZING....RESILIENT and just plain awewsome. Brandon (MY CHILD WITH ROBPI) is the happiest kid I have, and I have four. He rarely complains and when he does, it is just because he is hurting. HE plays sports as good if not better that most kids, he swims and rides a bike. Yes, I would have loved to beat the you know what out of a few doctors, well, I slmost did, but my hubby pulled me away before I could get close enough. (DARN IT) LOL
I agree with everything that John P said. I wish that he was around when I was feeling sorry for myself and I lost the first two years of my child's life.
Brandon doesn't even know that he has an injury, well of course he knows, but he doesn't let it bother him. The other night, he was sitting on my lap and I was rubbing his arm (WHY, just because that is what I do when he sits on my lap it is just habit I guess) and he said to me..."Mommy, I love what you did for me when I Was a baby" I looked at him all puzzled " He said" Mom I know you worked with me to make my arm work and I know you did everything that you could for me whan I was little AND that is why I love you sooooo much" Out of the mouths of babes....That is all that needs to be said there.
Kids do realize....enjoy the roller coaster ride, we have riden that roller coaster too. Sometimes it made me laugh, sometimes it made me sry. I was fortunate that my husband stood behind me quietly and let me do waht needed to be done. I knew he approved he just couldn't show it. Just please don't lose out on your childs younger years, I wish I hadn't !!!
Gayle (MOM of Brandon 9 years old ROBPI)