A Father's perspective

[jamesonspa]

In our society the male is typically the protector of his family. As a father you are required to teach your sons how to provide and care for their families that they will have someday. As a father you know that others are teaching their sons the same responsibilies. When your son begins school and ventures outside of his home and church influences, you learn the dreadful truth of how other children treat your son because he is "different." You learn of other children telling your beautiful, innocent child that they are going to rip off his damaged arm and beat him to death with it. Where on this earth do they learn to say such vile things to another human being?! As your son's protector you want to "protect" and "defend" and even retaliate for the horrible injustices committed upon him. You begin to question your own values and core beliefs system and parenting tactics. You don't want your son to become a bully. You fear he might if he leans too far the other way in his own self-defense. You feel helpless to protect your son against the horrors of other people's prejudices. You become angry at the entire school system, from the Superintendent to the playground monitor. You question whether they are looking out for your child the way you think they should. You become angry at the parents of these children who persecute your son. You've never even met these people and you want to strike out somehow. Your son is growing and maturing beyond his years because of his adversity. You wouold never even consider thanking God for this challenge in his life because you know he'll be a better man someday for it. It's much more base than that. As your son is throwing up from the effects of anesthia after having had elbow reconstructive surgery, you try to find words on his level to comfort him and educate him about what is happening to his body. When your now ten year old son is screaming in agony over his excruciating pain following mod quad surgery, you realize just how helpless you are to ease his pain. You question the wisdom of having the surgery at all. You would give anything to be able to take it all back and end his suffering. You know that your ten year old is more than ten year's old in his mind and in his spirit. You can't coo away the pain. You hear your son curse God in language you have never heard him use before. You pray for him. You plead for a miracle. You beg for his deliverance from this awful monster of his pain. You begin to question your faith. You even question the faith of others you know are praying with you. You ask the nurses and doctors, and anyone else who will listen, if he can stand more morphine. He is already under the influence of this narcotic and he knows it isn't "good", but he begs for more. Finally, in despair your begin to curse God yourself. How could a loving, kind, merciful, All-knowing, All-seeing, compassionate Heavenly Father ignore your pleas and allow your child to endure such incredible suffering?! At that moment you would gladly trade any hope for a heavenly inheritance for the proverbial "mess of pottage" if it meant he could just sleep thru the rest of the night. He gets thru the night. You are sadly convinced that he got thru without any help from above. He gets thru therapy, he is beginning to heal. You hope that hisd spirit and mind are healing too. You wonder if you weren't damaged more for the experience that he was because you had different expectations than your innocent child had. You watch your son grow and mature and develop into a kind, sincere and compassionate young man. You are so proud of him. You begin to feel confident that he is growing above his struggles. You realize your were helpless to ease his physical pain. You hope that somehow you were able to ease the pain of his injured spirit. You wonder what things you told him that helped him grow into such a fine person. You humbly realize God's hand in your son's life. In his heart and in his soul. You thank God for his mercy and most of all for His grace. You know you deserve to be consumed for cursing Him. You think often on those horrible nights of pain and you realize you still harbor resentment towards God. You were supposed to teach your son how to be faithful and God-fearing and to trust Him in all things both good and bad. You realize how much your son has taught you. I know that I have exactly zero answers to any questions that other suffering parents might have in this similar situation. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster ride since my son was born and injured. My son's dedicated mother has borne the brunt of this tragic event. She has suffered unimaginably and once again I am unable to protect her from the reality of her nightmare. She is an incredible strength. She has had to learn to be. I envy her fortitude and resolve to help her son heal. Jameson's mother and I are no longer married. We have been divorced for about eight years now. We maintain a healthy relationship and we still hurt for the circumstances of our son's life. We have another son together. His name is Christopher. We decided in the early stages of our divorce that we would work to minimize the pain of the seperation of our sons from their whole family. Once again because of God's grace we have recieved His wonderful healing blessing in all of our lives. I know that there are those who would judge my words and actions and even my inactions. So be it. If my pespective has enlightened any one than I am glad for it. It has helped me to post my thoughts.

[Kathleen]

Thank you for sharing this... it is honest and beautiful.. and I do believe God allowed me to be obpi for a reason... I am not angry at Him... What I lost when I lost full use of my arm is very samll compared to the things I have learned and gained because I am obpi. I always knew He was with me.

Kath

[francine]

Thank you so much for letting us in on your deepest emotions and thoughts. I'm so glad you were guided to write your post - I've already read it a few times and I think I will keep on coming back to it for a while.

It is very powerful.

With great respect for you and what you've shared,
-francine

[CW1992]

I admire the courage that it must have taken for you to share all of the feelings and emotions that you have felt dealing with Jameson's injury and life so far. The years of keeping all of the emotions inside is a heavy weight. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to see my child in so much pain both at home and at school. My perspective is much different than yours is. I am the mother of an injured daughter. I do not see her injury as a "tragic event" but a "change in plans". I feel that her injury has helped our family to be more caring and understanding of others. Jameson is a kind and compassionate young man and his mother is a strong woman and I pray that things will continue to improve. For those parents whose children haven't started attending school yet I felt that I should state that there are kids who are different that are not being treated badly by others. All kids are not cruel, and the school systems and teachers we have had over the past years have been very understanding. I am sorry that your son has been hurt so much by others and that it has been so difficult for your family. I wish the best for all of you and I'm glad that you took the time to share your feelings.

[Bridget]

Thank you so much for speaking from your heart. It is good to hear a father's perspective, and I really admire your support for both your ex-wife and your family as a whole.

Bless you!

Bridget

[browning93]

This is so beautiful. What's better I know I can relate and after my husband read it, he cried, for you put into words what he never could have. Some are more eloquent than others, another of God's gifts. He just said all I want to do is protect my little girl. We wish we could have the surgery for her but I guess doesn't work that way.

[admin]

So often we are missing the father's perspective and I thank you with providing that. So many of the things you said have touched my heart - your story is similar in many ways to the journey I have traveled with my daughter, even if the life events aren't exactly the same...Tonight I will ask for God's blessings on you and your family.
Sue