My heart hurts- Please help!

[JennyF]

Hello everyone. I have posted before on simple things but now I need your help. Here we go...my daughter Elena went to cheerleading last night (she is 4 1/2-LBPI). As my husband and I watched her we thought everything was fine till right before the end she stopped practicing and just stood there with a very sad face. My husband and I walked over to where she was...and asked her what was wrong. She began to cry. We did not want to embarass her so we left. She does not like to let people see her cry. All the way home in the car she just through herself down and cried. I tried asking what it was but did not want to push. I just held her close to me crying with her because I already knew what it was. When we got home, we had dinner then we all sat on the sofa. We asked what was wrong and she poured her little heart out to us. She said (with pouring tears) "I CAN'T do the same things as the other girls...I don't want to do cheerleading anymore"- (With motions of the arm movements they did in class.) She can do it but has a little trouble. The first time is always harder but when we practice she can do it. She tends to use her injury as an excuse when something is too hard. Her heart is in Cheerleading. To see her smile across her face when she puts on her cheerleading outfit and does cheers and when we go to practice. She just loves it more than anything we have ever done before (i.e. ballet, soccer, swimming, etc._) With tears in my eyes I don't know what to do. I don't want to push but I don't want her to learn to quit. For them everything will be a struggle. But to see them cry because they really want to do it but have trouble brakes my heart. Please give me some insight. My heart is broken.

[orabshire]

My son, Owen, is 1 year old now and I've read lots of posts about situations like this and not being able to do the same things as others can. I know I will soon face the same things and it will hurt.

The advice I have to give is to focus on her strengths and reinforce what she can do. Our children need to know that they can and will be ABLE to do many things better than others. Everyone has different levels of ABILITIES. For example, I am not a professional athlete, because I could not run faster than others. But if I want to run...I can! However, I am really adept with computers and I am better than many people at it.

You don't have to be better than others to enjoy it. Life is about experiencing what you desire in your own way.

Disabilities are only something that you are Not. Abilities are something that you Are.

I recommend buying a book and memorizing some excellent stories, quotes, and ancedotes about success, failure, abilities, disabilities, etc to help reinforce and motivate in time of need.

I hope this helps. I know it hurts and I know how much support our children need.

[Josh'smom]

I know how you feel. I always use that same quote when I am having a struggle with my sons BP injury (My heart hurts). That is like the only way to describe it. When my son was 5 he tried baseball. It was a disaster Maybe it was the age, but he really struggled with it and of course we had a terrible coach that shouted to him a lot--"get that glove over in the ready position"!! Well most BPI kids have difficulty with supination so that was VERY difficult for him. He only lasted about 2 weeks and cried and cried and didnt want to go. We gave in. This spring we tried it again, and this time we talked with the coach and he was soo good about it and really, really made my son feel good and pointed out his strengths (batting) and really made a difference for him this year. We stayed in it the whole season and he just LOVED IT!! Our kids WILL have bad days and we just need to learn to help them with them and tell them THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT TO DO!!! Another thing that popped up recently was my son is learning to add and the teacher was showing them how to count on their fingers with both their hands. My son showed me and it was kinda difficult for him. He did it, but the supination and the whole thing was hard, BUT he did it his way and was able to count whatever number the teacher gave him. (HOORAY!!). I am sure lots of things will pop up, but give your child the foundation of knowing they can do anything!!! It really matters. Maybe she was having a bad day (we ALL have them) Approach the subject with her again about staying in and maybe she will. Good luck.

[Dean-na]

I was a cheerleader when I was older than your daughter. I was probably in 6th/7th grade. I remember it was so frustrating not being able to do the same thing as the others. I wanted to do it so bad that it made me mad. I didn't quit I know that it is so hard for your 4 year old to understand.

There were 2 sisters that would sit in the bleachers & hold their arm like mine. I ran off the gym floor & was crying me eyes out. My mom had to come to the school & give everyone a talking to. The principal had the nerve to say I was too sensitive. We knew his wife had polio when she was younger. My mom asked him if someone was making fun of his wife & she got upset would he also think she was too sensitive. We didn't have any more problems from him.

Maybe give her some time & see if she wants to try it again. I see your point (moms point of view) but I also see hers since I am in the same boat as she is.

~Deanna

[Francine_Litz]

Jenny, I don't know the right words to use to support you. But I just wanted to know that my heart goes out to you and your little one. I wish it weren't so for your child and for all the children. I wish this whole injury wasn't so.
big hugs,
francine

[rachelcasa]

Jenny,
I don't know if this will help you out or not. But, I too was a cheerleader. If you could please talk to your daughter and tell her that I couldn't do the same things as the other girls either and I have the same exact type of injury she has maybe it might help. I remember the feelings of the coach saying..."Rachel...straighten your arm out?" Grrr...I was in high school at the time, but I finally went over to her and said I couldn't straigten my arm out. Told her why and she still would tell me to straigten it out. I know this day and age its a lot more trying on children. Just please share with her that I too was a cheerleader and had the same problem. Tell her to keep on with it. *HUGS*
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It does hurt as a parent to watch your child struggle. Just keep encouraging her to do the things that she enjoys!

[Tessie258]

It is sooo sad to see our kids go through hard times!!!! You just wish they didn't have to suffer.
I hope she will feel better about it later....Sometimes when kids are tired...everything looks worse!

One thing that she and all of us including myself needs to understand is that not everyone can do everything. I know that isn't much of a consolation but I have both arms and legs that work and I couldn't dance or cheer to save my life!!! I can't sing, I have no rhythm...Basically have 2 left feet. She may be better at something that someone else can't do. If she is just having a bad day, I'd say just practice and endure thru it....But if it really becomes something that she dreads then move onto the next hobbie...She will eventually find her thing....I wish it was all easier.
Good luck to you!!
T.

[admin]

First tell her your proud that she is trying to do what she can that by her trying will give herself a gift of determiation,you may not beable to do everything you try the pain is real but the things that you can do will always out way what you cant! people that are your friends will never laugh at you because they are true freinds life is not doom and gloom it is what you can do with it even with our challenges.I was born in 1951 no how, no way after 12,It was all becoming a up hill battle all my life I became a SEMI Driver and a Master diver I look to the future as a challenge and not from a lack of trying and all the parents like the child are doing the samething TRYING THERE BEST..TOM

[admin]

DEAR ELENA,
I AM A CHEERLEADER AND I AM 11 YEARS OLD IN 6TH GRADE. I HAVE BEEN A CHEERLEADER FOR 5 YEARS NOW AND I AM CAPTAIN ON MY TEAM. I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD QUIT BECAUSE EVEN THOUGHT ITS HARD TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THE OTHER GIRLS YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG AND KEEP ON GOING. WELL,I THINK YOU AND ME HAVE ALOT IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER AND CHEERLEADING BECAUSE WE BOTH MAY HAVE TROBLE KEEPING UP BUT YOU CAN LOOK AT THE PICTURE THAT WAY YOU HAVE TO THINK POSITIVE. YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT IF YOU STAY STRONGE YOU CAN DO OR BE WHAT EVER YOU WANT NO MATTER WHAT IT IS ABOUT CHEERLEADING OR WHAT EVER YOU CAN THINK ABOUT. WELL, AS I SAYED STAY STRONG BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET OLDER YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO WONDER WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU STAYED ON THAT TEAM.WELL, I HAD SURGURY THIS SUMMER ON JUNE 16TH AND I JUST GOT BACK FROM GETTING MY RESULTS FROM THE DOCTORS IN TEXAS. THE RESULTS WERE OK BUT I WOULD HAVE LIKED THEM TO BE BETTER BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAYED THAT I CAN CHEER BUT WHEN I LIFT THE GIRL HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO CATCH THE GIRL COMING FROM THE AIR. I WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE CHEERLEADING MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME SO I WAS NOT TO GLAD BUT I WAS HAPPY THAT I CAN STILL DO THE CHEERS AND LIFT SOME OF THE STUNT BECAUSAE I AM NOW IN A DFFERENT POSITION. I WAS ALSO DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE I AM THE CAPTAIN THIS YEAR AND IT WOULD KILL ME TO SEE THAT MY TEAM WAS HAVEING TROBLE. WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT ME, I JUST WANT YOU TO NO TO NEVER EVER GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS BECAUSE YOU FEEL DIFFERENT. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT IN SIDE OF THEM,EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY LOOK THE SAME ON THE OUT SIDE. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS THIS KEEP ON CHEERING AND DONT LET THE LITTLE THINGS COME IN THE WAY OF DOIN WHAT YOU LOVE. WELL, I HOPE YOU TAKE MY ADVICE BECAUSE I USE TO BE THE SAME WAY YOU ARE, I ALWAYS UES TO THINK OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT BUT I CANGED AND NOW I AM CAPTIN.WELL,NOW YOU CAN SEE FROM MY POINT OF VIEW THAT IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO SOMETHING YOU CAN DO IT. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. I HOPE YOU FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND DO THE RIGHT THING, BUT CAN YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME AND ALWAYS BELIVE IN YOURSELF.
FROM,
GABBY