United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi! We are leaving for Mod Quad one week from today. And I want to prepare my 2 1/2 year old as much as possible. She is a very bright little lady and I'd like to explain everything or at least some of it too her so she is not so scared or surprised. So for those of you who have done this, how did you go about it? I want to do it the right way. Also, I need to explain it to my 4 year old so she understands why mommy & daddy and leaving for a few days. Thanks for any input. Heather

Heather - I've got the book I used for Maia.... I'll email it to ya...
-francine

Dear Heather:
The truth is...we don't explain much. We make things very matter of fact and never end an explanatory sentence with "okay?".
We have always just told Juliana that we "need to do this." We also told her that it was a big adventure. Adventures by nature can be both exiting and scary, and we told her that too. We did not take tours of the hospital...it puts so much emphasis on it. At 2 1/2, less is more.

As for telling your older child, 4 is still not an age where they can fully comprehend what is going on. So don't try. My twins were 4 when Juliana was born with what they called "her broken arm." When my husband and I left for tch when she was 4 1/2 months old we told them (and their 6 year old sister) that we were going to see doctors who could "fix her broken arm." Although they were not happy to see us go, they understood. We did not share details of the surgery with them until recently.

My older daughter was about the age the twins are now (8 1/2) when she asked when "juliana's arm will be all better." When I explained that that would really never happen, she said "that's okay, she'll be the best one-armed sister in the world."

Kids really do want it simple. They don't want the details. Do you know that joke about the kid who asks "where did I come from?" and the parents go into detail about the facts of life...and the kid quizzically looks at the parents and says "oh, well...Johnny says he is from Cleveland. I just wanted to know if I was from there too."

I hope it helps,
claudia

Thanks alot to both of you! I think you are so right about it all. The more simple I can make it the better. Did you all warn your children they would be splinted? Heather

My son Matthew is scheduled for caps surgery on November 4th at TCH. I explained it to him (he'll be 3 yrs old on Oct. 25) using words he would understand. I told him we were going on an airplane to Texas so the Doctor could "fix" his arm. He seemed to understand as best a 2 1/2 year old could. Francine brought up a great way of telling your child to me and my wife at the PA picnic. She said she tells Maia that the Doctor is going to help her arm get stronger. This to me is better than saying "fix" because it is more positive to say help. I have since told Matthew that we are going to help his arm get stronger. I am a bit more worried about this surgery because he is older and understands more. He was 5 months old when he had primary surgery and didn't understand things then.

Matthew was 2.5 when he had his most recent surgery (just a month ago). We just told him that we were going away for a couple of days and he would get to go swimming at the hotel, then one morning we would go to the hospital for the doctor to make his arm better. At first he said that he didn't want to go, but then one day he just said that it would be ok.
Melanie just turned 4 in August and we have always taken her when he has had his surgeries so I'm not really sure about what you would tell her. We told Melanie that Matthew would be having another operation to help his arm and that was it.

Matthew forgot about his arm in the cast and just went about life as normal (except for opening a pez dispenser) We did get rinse free shampoo to make bathing easier.

Cindy

heather,

the therapist who runs my "mother's circle" group suggested a book for me to read to my 23 mnth old before her surgery in dec.
Mister Rogers Visits theHospital(out of print but available on bn.com)
some other mom's in the group suggested Curious George goes to the Hospital

there is also a great book that i have been reading to my 3.5 year-old called Molly goes to the Hospital(i think). it is written from the older sibling's point of view and gives alot of great opportunities to stop and discuss feelings that they might be having.(fear, jealousy, anger.....)
hope this is helpful
best wishes,
wendy

Can everyone post all the books that you've read to your kids to prepare for surgery??? that way I can add them to my prepare for surgery pages on Maia's site...

thanks

-francine

Francine:
We got Mr. Rodgers Goes to the Hospital (for Andrew's tube surgery) and it is very good.

We have the Curious George book (my nephew read it when Andrew had his tube surgery) but I am not a fan of Curious George (just a person opinion).

There is a wonderful "feelings" book out there called "Sad Monster, Glad Monster." It is written by Ed Emberly. It is a die-cut book and the kids "put on" monster masks of different emotions. Juliana loves it.

claudia

the book i was talking about is actually called
when molly was in the hospital
by debbie duncan

wendy