United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

I've been having 'nightmares' lately about my son Mitchell's injury. (Mitchell is 6.5 years old and has had one surgery at Shriners in Minneapolis.) I dream that I receive a boquet of flowers and on the card enclosed it says to go to this certain room. So I go in and there are all of these moms holding newborn babies. I can see that they all have injuries and I ask "who delivered your baby". Each one of them say the name of the OB who delivered Mitchell.

Then I'm told to go into the next room, so I enter and there's a surgeon in the room (whom I don't know) and he tells me that Mitchell is going to need 'this' surgery and 'that' surgery. And he tells me how wonderful everything is going to be and that he wants to start right away, and so on.

I break down sobbing saying "No, no! This can't be happening!" Then I wake up and I'm crying when I wake up.

I seem to be unbeleivably sad about Mitchell's injury lately. I'm crying as I type this and wish that I had someone to cry with. Mitchell's arm seems to be so much thinner to me lately. I'm so afraid of what his doctor is going to say to us in Feb when we go back. I'm having a hard time even touching his arm lately...it feels so thin and 'stiff' almost. I haven't been doing his ROMs as faithfully as usual. I sound like the worst mother on earth...I feel like the worst mother on earth. I love my boy more than anything and I just want to do right by him.

My husband just doesn't seem to 'get' the seriousness of this. I try to explain things, and he just looks at me like I'm nuts. Maybe he's just in a state of denial. I don't know. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.

I'm so glad that I have a place to de-stress here. I'm hoping that you can give me some wise words, some advise on how you cope. I need some help here.

If I had a $ for every bad dream Ive had about my little one we wouldnt be panicking to pay the health insurance every month.Im afraid I dont have any words of wisdom right now. All i can say is I relate to everything youve said I guess our dreams is just an unconscoius way of facing our worst fears.And as for the husband thing well mine doesnt deal with anything till its right in his face and then I have to hold him together it just makes me wonder which ones the baby. Hang in there your not alone.

Missy,
Sorry you're having these bad dreams. I think it may be the holiday season along with a doctor visit so close that's stressing you out. I don't deal with things so well myself sometimes. I should be sleeping (I have to get up for work in 4.5 hours). I'm in the "exhausting myself" mode so I don't have to deal with things. I think everyone has their own way of dealing with the emotions of this injury. I've been thinking about getting into Yoga or some sort of meditation. Something relaxing to releive the stress. I wish wise words of wisdom for you but I'll borrow some from Marymom.... BREATHE 1..2..3..
Cindy

I'm so sorry you're suffering so... Maybe the dreams are a way of you letting go of the anxiety and emotion of your son's injuries that, otherwise, you don't express during the day in front of anyone else. Be good to yourself, you're the "good guy!" Love your son up and remind yourself how wonderful he is, because he has a wonderful mother. Moms usually deal with the emotional end of the injury and dad's usually end up dealing with the concrete aspects (financial). I think moms usually analyze everything to death and dads are more stoic.

Can you get out to take a walk everyday and get some fresh air? Can you and your husband get out and take a walk together? Maybe talk about anything except the injury. Try to take a break from the "arm." I know it's hard...3 1/2 yrs. after my daughter's birth I still think about it most of the day.

God bless you with peace.

Missy - just want to scoop you up into my arms and give you a great big hug. You know we ALL know how you feel! Have you gotten yourself a good cry lately? Not a sit there and tears rolling down cry - I mean one of those cries where you sob outloud and wail ? Have no place to do this kind of thing? get in your car and go for a ride. Sounds like all this stuff is just adding up in your body and you need to let it all out.

Please don't feel guilty about taking a break from the ROM's and it all - Mitchell is getting most of his 'work' done by just being active. You are a great mom and don't you forget it! But everyone has a breaking point and you need a break!

Don't be hard on yourself - do what you can to pamper yourself, to baby yourself and nurture yourself - you need it now.

About the dreams - I know this may sound funny - but I get the 'bad' dreams more when I eat late at night - especially something that needs to work hard at digesting (like a piece of chicken vs a cup of hot soup). And also - the sugar from the seasonal food might be giving you some problems. So see what you can do to make some shifts in your holiday diet. It's all related in some way.

I hope that you find some peace soon. It's hard stuff. Wish I had a "bpi go away button" that we could all have and press when things go bezerk. But a big cyber hug will have to suffice for now.

Big hugs to you Missy,
you take care of yourself ok?
love,
francine

Hi Missy,

I don't know if this will help or not, but after nearly eight years of this roller-coaster ride I can confidently say that: it is a roller-coaster ride. Right now you sound as though you are on a bit of a down slope but you must have faith that the up slopes are straight ahead. It does get easier to ride out these ups and downs over time, but at first the downs seem really, really far down...

Here's what really helped me: keep a journal (or if you are at all thinking of litigation, just write down your dreams and thoughts and burn them!). When you write this sort of stuff down (as you did a bit in your email) it really helps to "get it out of your head." Getting it all out and sorting it out on paper helps to clarify and also helps to heal...it always works for me so might be worth a try.

Also, there are some neat books about dreams out there, if you are interested in exploring what your dreams are telling you. Any bookstore will have lots of material on this subject.

Good luck,
Bridget

Missy-
Everyone has such good advice! I guess the way I de-stress is having a warm bubble bath, late at night after the kids are asleep, I light a candle, and read a good book. Mind you, this can't be done too often, for you would lose sleep.
You are a good mom. Never forget that.It is so hard when moms are having a hard time. We are the ones who run the household. We keep things in line. I am sure your son is very active, and is doing his own ROM.
Everyone seems to cope differently. I read the bible, or try to do fun things with all the kids. Like having a snowball fight. Do you have any friends nearby? Can you get away for an hour, and just go have a cup of jo, and a sandwich? I do that once in awhile. Just to get away. Don't feel alone in that your husband doesn't seem to get it. Men I think shy away from things like this. They don't know how to cope, and so they shut down. I think they are scared also. Hopefully, he will come around for you. Believe me when I say you are not alone in your crying.
We are all crying with you. It is very hard to deal with bpi. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Maybe use them as part of your support group.
Don't ever feel alone.
You can email me anytime just to talk or vent.
It is nice to hear someone else talk, instead of me, and my problems.
Things do get better in time.
Just keep strong.
God bless you,
Debbie

Thank you all for your words of encouragment. I appreciate them more than you know. It's comforting to know that you all are here.

Love,
Missy

Hello,
I am back again to this board, after 3 years of not having internet access. I have to say that I have missed the communication between me and my fellow Brachial Plexus Friends. My son Brandon is 3 1/2 years old and suffered his injury at birth to his right arm. I too had terrible, terrible NIGHTMARES. My husband didn't have a clue as to why I felt the way I did, how I blamed myself. We eventually moved back to Illinois, where I went back to work, (ONE YEAR Ago) Sounds Bad, but I had to be away from the therapy, the fusing, the everyday life of Brandon's injury. He now works nights and has the priviledge of staying home during the day with him and has realized that it is not all what is cracked up to be. He realizes now what I went through. He had the lovely experience of toilet training a child that cannot pull up his own pants with two hands. I GUESS HE UNDERSTANDS NOW. Keep your chin up, it really does get easier

I think you've gotten some really wonderful advice here. Just a thought, could it be possible that you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder or clinical depression. Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to. It could be very helpful to seek consultation from a psychologist or other professional. I'm not advocating this, just throwing out another avenue to explore. I, like most of us, have had my share of down times dealing with issues surrounding this injury too. I wish you peace of mind...
sincerley,
Stephanie B.