Hi Gina! lovely to meet another tbpi mum, you're the first I've spoken to in 23 yrs who's had a baby after the injury. I had my first 8 yrs post injury when I was 29, so I'd had a long time to get used to one handed life-you're learning EVERYTHING at once, you go girl!
I have no use of my right arm and no feeling in it, except for a little patch over the triceps, which is so sensitive i can't bear it to be touched. It's like the whole feeling for my arm is concentrated in a patch as big as a dollar bill. I had no surgery because my injury was severe enough that I knew I'd never get my hand back-i have never regretted that decision but my injury was pretty bad, you need to check your possibilities now while there's still time for you to have surgery if you want it. As your doctor said, no two injuries are alike. Mine was caused by a 16 wheeler truck hitting me head on, i was lucky to survive and my mashed arm seemed to me like i'd got off lightly.
I have 3 lovely kids, Catie is 15, Joe is 9 and Ella is 4. As you're probably finding, parenting is mainly a matter of adapting, but hey, parenting for everyone is like that and I managed fine. I do get issues with them when they develop free will and challenge authoity-your little one will soon be rolling over and crawling off in the middle of a nappy (diaper) change and there's not a thing you can do about it! The hours of my life I must have spend chasing dirty bottoms around the floor, with baby giggling uncontrollably and me almost in tears of frustration.....happy days! My 4 yr old, youngest and most wilful of all of them, is now exercising her rights by often refusing to cooperate in things like getting in the car, getting out again, leaving other peoples houses, she's too big now for me to force her to do things so i survive with a combination of threats and bribery. She'll get through this phase, the older 2 did but boy does it try my patience. One great side effect is my kids attitude to disability, they have become disability blind and because of this are often asked to help at school with differently abled kids, because they dont ask stupid questions like able bodied people do, and they certainly dont waste time with pity-they just treat these children like they would treat anybody else, and help them when they need it.
I don't know what use of your arm you have, if any, but I'd be glad to help with any practical questions. I have both msn messenger and AOL instant messenger, mail me if you want to and we'll try and arrange a chat. Bear in mind i'm in New Zealand so I'm about 18 hours or so ahead of you in time if you're in the States.
Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask anyone for help, I got together a good network from the postman who would open tins and jars for me to the supermarket staff who would pack my groceries and carry them to the car. Learning to ask for help (which means overriding your instinctive need to be independent and swalling your pride) is actually empowering both to you and whoever is helping you.
The pain in most cases dies down in time. Antidepressants are supposed to help by keeping up the endorphin levels which the constant pain depletes. Exercise does the same thing with less side effects. In my case I found the pain improved when I weaned myself off pain meds and got a lot more involved in life. We are all different and if the pain is too much to bear keep checking options with your doc to find what works for you, and be aware that the more drastic pain measures are not advisable until at least 2 years post accident, because they carry risks of various kinds. Unfortunately pain at the level we tbpi experience in the first few months and years is usually only encountered by the medical profession in the shape of terminally ill people, so the means to control it are not designed for long term use and often have risks and side effects not acceptable to otherwise normal people. I agree, I'd rather have 100 labour/birth experiences than another day of the pain I had in the first years of my injury!
23 years later I still get the pain (I'm getting it now, as it happens, it's a cold wet day here and my house is not heated aaaaaaaaarghhh but it will pass and I have learned to get through it. I don't have it for days on end as some people do, thank goodness.
There's another kind of pain associated with tbpi, it happens a while after the injury and is caused by overuse of the good arm and compensatory posture etc. It's nowhere near as bad as the bpi nerve pain but can be debilitating, if you've only got one arm to use and it hurts, that is pretty limiting. Try not to overstrain the good arm, difficult with only one to use, I know, but if you feel it start to hurt, stop what you're doing. My babies all learned to walk pretty early because I stopped carrying them around once it became a strain for me. Nowadays I don't lift anything heavier than a bag of flour and if I do have to lift my daughter, I squat down and take most of her weight on my chest, the arm just can't take the strain. Be aware of this and minimise joint damage because if you've only got one arm to use, you need to keep it happy. I took a long time to learn that I could damage my good arm but a couple of days with no arms at all made me think a bit harder about how I do things.
Anyway, lovely to hear about your baby and I hope you are managing to cope. You can email me by clicking on my name, or you can post here or get hold of me on the Uk website which has a very lively message board, here's a pic from the 'Resources' section of how I used to bath my babies.
http://tbpiukgroup.homestead.com/baby_bath_bucket.html
Take care Gina, sorry this was long but i'm quite excited about 'meeting' a tbpi mum :0) Jen NZ