Asking Questions
Asking Questions
ok, so this summer I went and talked to my former pediatrician about the injury and all that, he had the report from the night I was born. All it said was "a tight squeeze" yeah, very detailed. Seems more like someone wasn't specific to save their own rear end from a lawsuit. I have a lot of problems with that. It seems like here's a situation where the patient, me, came last in order of what's important, and while i've reasoned myself to not be angry I still have a lot of mistrust in regards to doctors. I want to ask my orthopedist how I was originally injured and what happened, but I'm worried that he'll be vague and not tell me either. I don't know if this whole post has been coherent, I'm just thinking about the entire situation and wondering if I want to get these answers at all.
Re: Asking Questions
Carrie,
I think it is very important that you ask these questions. Those of us who have been obpi for many years longer than you remember going through these very same questions and I'm sure others will each chime in and tell you their version.
It is important psychologically that you ask these questions of physicians and also to talk with your parents if that is possible. Some resolution is always helpful and it would probably do your parents good as well for you to have a long talk with them about this now that you are older. I see how the parents suffer and agonize over the difficult decisions they must make on behalf of their children with this injury. Talk with your parents and with your siblings too if you have them. What happened to you affected them as well
You very well may not find the answers you need to hear from the doctors. The truth about our births were often shrouded over by those who did not want to face the truth about what they had done.
Nancy
I think it is very important that you ask these questions. Those of us who have been obpi for many years longer than you remember going through these very same questions and I'm sure others will each chime in and tell you their version.
It is important psychologically that you ask these questions of physicians and also to talk with your parents if that is possible. Some resolution is always helpful and it would probably do your parents good as well for you to have a long talk with them about this now that you are older. I see how the parents suffer and agonize over the difficult decisions they must make on behalf of their children with this injury. Talk with your parents and with your siblings too if you have them. What happened to you affected them as well
You very well may not find the answers you need to hear from the doctors. The truth about our births were often shrouded over by those who did not want to face the truth about what they had done.
Nancy
Re: Asking Questions
Carrie:
Yes there is a way I think... Check with NY state health department. I think they are required to keep birthing records for a certain number of years!...
Then request at the hospital you were born in a copy of the birthing records! you are entitled to read them... I think that they were still secret when you were born... many years ago ( approx 15 I think) that changed and now we have a right to read our medical records... There is a time limit on how long they have to keep them...
Then request from your ped.doctor copies of all tests etc that he has in his file.. he may charge you but it may be worth it....
Your orthopedist... is current and he can guess and perhaps tell you the extent of your injury... but if he is new to your treatment he will not know exactly how this happened...
Next or perhaps first take Nancy's advice... talk to you Mom and see if she is willing to talk about your birth and what happened to her... if not you will have to do your own research... but it would be good for both of you to talk about this... it is a family injury you, your parent and your sibling were all injured that day...
My Mom was told nothing was wrong with me they pinned my arm to my shirt because I was scratching my face!
I still can't do that with bpi arm!!!!!! She was in the hospital for two weeks and they lied to her face....
My Mom talked to me a lot about it as I got older and I feel like I always knew what happend... the doctor pulled to hard and severed the nerve in my shoulder... that is what the neurologist told her in NY hospital when I was 2 weeks old...
I do family geneology and going through old papers I found a bill for a carodgraph on me! It was done right after birth... guess what they did not do that unless the baby was in real trouble... I always had one eye that seemed a bit smaller... now I know that T1 was injured and I had Horner's. all of this I found out since I found UBPN... I know now why I can't feel hot on the right side... I never even noticed except my shower was crazy... LOL...
Time for you to become a detective... just keep asking...no question is silly... we all found that out about a two years ago...
As for the anger you have a right! Our lives were forever altered by someone else's mistake... and no one says I am sorry ... not even an ops! ... they just pretend it never happends... ops a little anger...
and now I realize its ok somtimes for me to get angry that I have to pay and he just walked away...not ever a thought...never even inquired how I was doing??? that I know....
Kath
Yes there is a way I think... Check with NY state health department. I think they are required to keep birthing records for a certain number of years!...
Then request at the hospital you were born in a copy of the birthing records! you are entitled to read them... I think that they were still secret when you were born... many years ago ( approx 15 I think) that changed and now we have a right to read our medical records... There is a time limit on how long they have to keep them...
Then request from your ped.doctor copies of all tests etc that he has in his file.. he may charge you but it may be worth it....
Your orthopedist... is current and he can guess and perhaps tell you the extent of your injury... but if he is new to your treatment he will not know exactly how this happened...
Next or perhaps first take Nancy's advice... talk to you Mom and see if she is willing to talk about your birth and what happened to her... if not you will have to do your own research... but it would be good for both of you to talk about this... it is a family injury you, your parent and your sibling were all injured that day...
My Mom was told nothing was wrong with me they pinned my arm to my shirt because I was scratching my face!
I still can't do that with bpi arm!!!!!! She was in the hospital for two weeks and they lied to her face....
My Mom talked to me a lot about it as I got older and I feel like I always knew what happend... the doctor pulled to hard and severed the nerve in my shoulder... that is what the neurologist told her in NY hospital when I was 2 weeks old...
I do family geneology and going through old papers I found a bill for a carodgraph on me! It was done right after birth... guess what they did not do that unless the baby was in real trouble... I always had one eye that seemed a bit smaller... now I know that T1 was injured and I had Horner's. all of this I found out since I found UBPN... I know now why I can't feel hot on the right side... I never even noticed except my shower was crazy... LOL...
Time for you to become a detective... just keep asking...no question is silly... we all found that out about a two years ago...
As for the anger you have a right! Our lives were forever altered by someone else's mistake... and no one says I am sorry ... not even an ops! ... they just pretend it never happends... ops a little anger...
and now I realize its ok somtimes for me to get angry that I have to pay and he just walked away...not ever a thought...never even inquired how I was doing??? that I know....
Kath
Re: Asking Questions
I have a TBPI but I can relate totally to what you are feeling. In my accident I recieved a head injury that caused me to lose my memory. I have no memories from the accident in February to June. Friends were told the pain was the reason I couldn't remember anything which at the time they did not know any better. Now looking back it is hard to believe I even survived the accident much less the hill billy doctors.
I went through a lot of anger over the fact I could not understand how an airbag could have done this to me. But my anger got even more when I got a hold of my medical records. I cannot take legal action against my doctors because the doctors destroyed my medical records after they injuried my arm even worse.
I got through the anger by talking with friends who helped fill the gaps with what really happened in those first critical months following the accident. I have the most awesome friend who sat me down one day and gave me a journal. She told me to write everything I was feeling in that book until I felt all the anger was out of me. Now that journal is the start of a book I wrote for my children.
I know our injuries happened differently but we both I think have gone through similar emotions. You need to find a way to get the answers you need. Don't be afraid of what others think. I know from my personal experience I think I would have regretted in the years to come not having dug to find the answers I needed from those missing months. Sarah Ban Breathneck said in her book 'Something More', "Regret is the only wound from which the soul never recovers."
I went through a lot of anger over the fact I could not understand how an airbag could have done this to me. But my anger got even more when I got a hold of my medical records. I cannot take legal action against my doctors because the doctors destroyed my medical records after they injuried my arm even worse.
I got through the anger by talking with friends who helped fill the gaps with what really happened in those first critical months following the accident. I have the most awesome friend who sat me down one day and gave me a journal. She told me to write everything I was feeling in that book until I felt all the anger was out of me. Now that journal is the start of a book I wrote for my children.
I know our injuries happened differently but we both I think have gone through similar emotions. You need to find a way to get the answers you need. Don't be afraid of what others think. I know from my personal experience I think I would have regretted in the years to come not having dug to find the answers I needed from those missing months. Sarah Ban Breathneck said in her book 'Something More', "Regret is the only wound from which the soul never recovers."
Re: Asking Questions
I just don't know where to go from here. My parents don't want to talk about it, they seem to think, because I just had surgery, and I've recovered from that and the pain in my rotator cuff is gone that I'm over any issues or questions I had. But I really didn't get any answers, the attitude all around was to fix the immefiate problem and then I'll be fine. But I don't feel fine and I still don't know what to do about all of this stuff, and all these feelings. Now I have to deal with the real injury, but I don't know what to do, and where to go from here.
Thanks, Carrie
Thanks, Carrie
Re: Asking Questions
Carrie
You are going through the very long over due grieving process.
We who are injured as babies never had an opportunity to grieve our losses. No one really explains what is wrong with us... they think we don't notice ... but we do and just keep quiet about it because no one understands.
Now that you have learned so much more about your injury it is hard when others don't want to talk about it... My siblings and some family members think I should be "use to it"..."I did so well" and your can "hardly notice" they still say stupid things like that... Many other adult obpi will tell you the same thing that even family don't really understand because it was so long ago that we were injured.... it's been so long and we move on with our lives and accomplish so much... but they really have now idea what it is like...
Remember you are entitled to be angry... someone injured you and walked away... you live with some one else's mistake and you get to pay for it... so it is OK to feel what you feel in fact it is normal...
The other day I tried to lift something and could not do it and was so ticked off at that jerk that injured me... I had to laugh at myself... he has been dead so many years... and someone is still ticked off at him...
As far as research... you are entitled to see your birthing records... I don't know if you are 21 yet but I think after 21 they can be destroyed... so go call the hospital and ask for them... that might help
Your ped. must let you see copies of all the tests he ran over the years... if he ran any?
I'm sorry that your parents don't want to talk about it ... it must have been a very painful time for them and they probably think they are helping you by not dwelling on the past...
I found that looking at the past and knowing what happened has been healing... so many of the feelings I had were validated along with the support I have gotten from other obpi and from those on the message boards...
Keep your chin up... it is ok to have these feeling... it is probably the first time in your life that you talked and started to ask about your arm so lots of emotions that have been bottled up will surface... you are entitled to feel... what ever you feel... most of us have been told how lucky we were -- it was only an arm -- others have so much worse and we are alive... yack yack yack... These types of statements makes us feel guilty and ungrateful for what we have... and does not allow us to mourn our losses...
Take care
Kath
You are going through the very long over due grieving process.
We who are injured as babies never had an opportunity to grieve our losses. No one really explains what is wrong with us... they think we don't notice ... but we do and just keep quiet about it because no one understands.
Now that you have learned so much more about your injury it is hard when others don't want to talk about it... My siblings and some family members think I should be "use to it"..."I did so well" and your can "hardly notice" they still say stupid things like that... Many other adult obpi will tell you the same thing that even family don't really understand because it was so long ago that we were injured.... it's been so long and we move on with our lives and accomplish so much... but they really have now idea what it is like...
Remember you are entitled to be angry... someone injured you and walked away... you live with some one else's mistake and you get to pay for it... so it is OK to feel what you feel in fact it is normal...
The other day I tried to lift something and could not do it and was so ticked off at that jerk that injured me... I had to laugh at myself... he has been dead so many years... and someone is still ticked off at him...
As far as research... you are entitled to see your birthing records... I don't know if you are 21 yet but I think after 21 they can be destroyed... so go call the hospital and ask for them... that might help
Your ped. must let you see copies of all the tests he ran over the years... if he ran any?
I'm sorry that your parents don't want to talk about it ... it must have been a very painful time for them and they probably think they are helping you by not dwelling on the past...
I found that looking at the past and knowing what happened has been healing... so many of the feelings I had were validated along with the support I have gotten from other obpi and from those on the message boards...
Keep your chin up... it is ok to have these feeling... it is probably the first time in your life that you talked and started to ask about your arm so lots of emotions that have been bottled up will surface... you are entitled to feel... what ever you feel... most of us have been told how lucky we were -- it was only an arm -- others have so much worse and we are alive... yack yack yack... These types of statements makes us feel guilty and ungrateful for what we have... and does not allow us to mourn our losses...
Take care
Kath
Re: Asking Questions
Carrie,
I'm sorry your parents don't want to talk about it. Perhaps they will in time. Please consider all of us your family too. We are here for you and for each other, we understand 'first hand' what you are going through.
Kathleen is so right to compare this to a grieving process. And I believe it is a process we go through again and again all our lives. Those feelings of shock, grief, anger and acceptance that constitute the grieving process are emotions we all feel again and again over time, esp. as we discover new ways this injury has affected us. It is a process though and it is important not to get stuck in one part of it (although getting stuck in acceptance would be good!).
Talking is an important part of it and you can always talk to your bpi family. Nothing is too silly or too serious to bring here.
Hugs to you,
Nancy
I'm sorry your parents don't want to talk about it. Perhaps they will in time. Please consider all of us your family too. We are here for you and for each other, we understand 'first hand' what you are going through.
Kathleen is so right to compare this to a grieving process. And I believe it is a process we go through again and again all our lives. Those feelings of shock, grief, anger and acceptance that constitute the grieving process are emotions we all feel again and again over time, esp. as we discover new ways this injury has affected us. It is a process though and it is important not to get stuck in one part of it (although getting stuck in acceptance would be good!).
Talking is an important part of it and you can always talk to your bpi family. Nothing is too silly or too serious to bring here.
Hugs to you,
Nancy
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Re: Asking Questions
Hi Carrie, I too am sorry to hear that your mother will not talk about it.. I also agree that she may feel guilty about it. We as moms, seem to feel responsible for "everything" that goes on with our children. good or bad... I'm 54 and obpi and didn't learn what it was until a few years back prob 9 yrs now. I tried to take a dog grooming course and could not make my left arm do what it was supposed to. My doctor wrote an excuse for me. Called it erbs palsy. No exrays, no emg, nothing. He knew from experience what it was.
All my mom could tell me about delivery was that it was rough. I wanted out before the doctor got there. On top of that I was breech so whoever else was in the delivery room could not deliver me. I never blamed my mom, but I could tell, she felt helpless when ever I hurt or asked what I could do. She didn't have any answers. I rem her saying once that the dr who delivered me had a son in worse shape as he could not even move his arm.
You never mentioned how old you are, but I feel you are younger than some of us. I try not to worry about why??? The only answer I have ever come up with God never gives you more than you can handle. I perfer to think of it as a learning process that I must live through the best I can. I has made me aware of many things I can do and of cannot do. But to change the past would not work either. So when you are angry, ask yourself, where can this injury take me. Anger itself, is an illness and can make the body ill in places you could not imagine.
Like Kath, I curse the dr who delivered me when I drop something or cannot carry anything and like her doc. mine is dead and gone too. I like to think he remembers me and has to deal with whatever karma he created. But that's another story.
And like Kath, I tend to get long winded LOL. Keep in touch with us as these people are great friends. Good luck Sharon
All my mom could tell me about delivery was that it was rough. I wanted out before the doctor got there. On top of that I was breech so whoever else was in the delivery room could not deliver me. I never blamed my mom, but I could tell, she felt helpless when ever I hurt or asked what I could do. She didn't have any answers. I rem her saying once that the dr who delivered me had a son in worse shape as he could not even move his arm.
You never mentioned how old you are, but I feel you are younger than some of us. I try not to worry about why??? The only answer I have ever come up with God never gives you more than you can handle. I perfer to think of it as a learning process that I must live through the best I can. I has made me aware of many things I can do and of cannot do. But to change the past would not work either. So when you are angry, ask yourself, where can this injury take me. Anger itself, is an illness and can make the body ill in places you could not imagine.
Like Kath, I curse the dr who delivered me when I drop something or cannot carry anything and like her doc. mine is dead and gone too. I like to think he remembers me and has to deal with whatever karma he created. But that's another story.
And like Kath, I tend to get long winded LOL. Keep in touch with us as these people are great friends. Good luck Sharon