Forcing therapy

[jr-mom]

I will make this as short as I can. Example Exercise therapy time for J.R. 3 years old, RBPI. Is it okay to punish ie. no TV or no favorite game, Time out etc. If he will not complete an exercise? Such as a 10-piece puzzle that he can do and has done before. We often do the puzzle say three times. Once he can use his left hand, next he must alternate hands, then the whole puzzle with right hand. Again this is just an example. Should a parent force a child to use the BPI hand? What is your experience? What is your opinion?

[francine]

Just my PERSONAL opinion....

Jr.Mom - since these kids have to do therapy for their lifetime, I believe that therapy has to be something that's really fun. There can be several toys, activities, games used to accomplish the same movements.

There is a really good list here online in the Awareness Section. http://ubpn.org/awareness
look in the Resources Section - it's called Stretching the Limits.

Perception is a huge thing. You can look at it as "exercise" but why does JR have to at such a young age? Can't it just be a toy he plays with that in your mind gives him the correct movement you are trying to accomplish? And the punishment thing - well here I go again with 'my' opinion. Would you ever be punishing him if he was just playing with a regular toy? Punish him for playing "his own way" and he'll learn to hate to play.

Maybe there's a specific game he doesn't like to play so much? Well then you can ask him to do this game and give him a reward of playing a very special game that he really likes afterwards.

Here's an example.... Maia really likes to play with these tops with her father. And she really needs to practice writing her letters which takes some doing. So she and her father are sitting at the table and I chime in by saying, "Ok Maia - here's a piece of paper - how about if you write your name 3 times and then you and your daddy can play tops." I get what I want and she gets what she wants and everyone is happy.

About using the bpi hand - forcing, etc. We have certain games that are Leftie games and certain games that are bilateral. We have to remind her to use Leftie and to do that I have turned Leftie and Rightie into personalities. When Leftie doesn't get a turn Leftie gets sad and feels left out and Rightie the bully has to be told to remember to allow Leftie a turn and Maia laughs and then starts using Leftie. Many times I might hold Rightie in my hand or give Rightie a stuff animal or toy to hold (that becomes part of the game) so that Rightie has a task so that Leftie can do the REAL task at hand.

Since all of what I do with Maia is learned from her many therapy experiences, I am wondering about JR's therapy experiences. If you don't mind me asking, what are his therapy experiences like ?

francine

[admin]

I do not mind at all explaining his therapy. First you have to listen to my experience with your suggestions. I beleive they are wonderful suggestions. I have used many of them and had some wonderful advice from some therapists and early childhood educators. He is currently in a special preschool and receives physical therapy and occupational therapy that is camoflaged into the regular program. However, we receive formal therapy from German therapists. We are american but live in Germany. Our two sons go to US military school systems but some of their health care has to be received from the Germans. Since J.R. was born in a German hospital he has received from 2 weeks old therapy for his ROBPI. It is called VOJTA actually the doctor that founded just died last year. It is a form of pressure point and restricting movement. Example the therapist hold the baby or patient in a position applies pressure to a point the baby tries to move and can only move the portion of the body that the therapist allows. OF course the baby screams the entire thing. We were instructed to do this therapy four times a day with him and went to the sessions twice weekly. We did this for 2 1/2 years then we added Ergo therapy which is like play or occupational therapy. We went down to once a week for the vojta and I only accomplished it twice a day. I then only did play therapy at home. On December 11th last year thanks to this WEB site and you personally J.R. had the MOD/Quad. We came back to Germany and only have the Ergo twice a week along with his american OT/PT sneaking in everything they can at preschool! The problem is he won't do range of motions that we were instructed to do by TCH. The puzzle game is exactly like your leftie rightie game. We say hey its HIs turn meaning his right hand. He says NO the left hand can do it for him. He is sleeping. If you hold the left hand the puzzle will be on the floor. Not every time but you get my understanding. He is 3 and all vinegar and salt. I you say tops to Mia after you write your name and she says no I not writing my name then you have to not play tops no matter how much she whines or cries. It is the same thing as J.R. We can watch your video after we work on your puzzle. Or play basketball after we do your range of motions. That's what I mean by punish. It is just the terminology we use. It is motivation when it works dicipline or punishment when it doesn't work. Punishment to a kid who doesn't get to play TOPS or play basketball.

Now that I have gone on and on. Thank you for responding and please do not hesitate to respond again. I often read this website and all the opinions have helped me make the very dificult decisions we parents are faced with!

[francine]

I want to add that the place where we have the most fun and also accomplish a LOT is in the bathtub...gosh there is so much to do in the bathtub!!

soap crayons
shaving cream
shampooing and rinsing (Maia does my hair too)
splashing contests
handprints
crab races up the wall
turning water on and off
fishing
pushing toys under the water
and more more more

or swimming..... just getting in the pool...all the good therapy stuff just comes naturally in the pool...

Have fun!
big hugs to you,
francine

[njbirk]

Parenting styles are going to differ, and I think, in many ways, are completely dependent upon the temperament of the child and how that child responds.

I know that my mother pushed me, boy did she push me, and I rebelled against all that and we went through some tough times that I wish we did not have to go through. Did she push me too hard? Who can say? I am a tough resilient person today and maybe it is because of her never letting up on me. But I resented her horribly in my teens and a great deal of that was because I never felt that she accepted me WITH my limitations.

Of course, as an adult, I came to terms with all that and mom and I were close, very close.

This is a hard one. Your child has a psyche, as well as a body, and both must be respected. You and you alone will know what is the best balance between pushing too much and not pushing hard enough.

Good luck. The hardest job in the world is being a parent!

Nancy

[CW1992]

Hi. It is such a hard call sometimes on what is the right thing to do. You know your son best of course and whether it is a control issue or boredom or stubborness or whatever. I personally always try to reward the behavior that is good and to give plenty of choices so the child has some control in their own life. Here's an example: You can either use both hands to stack blocks, do a puzzle, or help me put toys back on the shelves (or whatever)- which do you want to do?? After we are done then we will watch Sponge Bob. If you do not do one of the choices we don't get to watch Sponge Bob. Anyway - that way it is not punishment, just no reward.....
Also - helping the child to understand why you want him to strengthen his arm and why getting it active is important for him - I think a child needs to understand in simple terms WHY. We used to always use the phrase "let your arms take turns" - left turn, right turn, and so on.. My child and I would take turns and our arms would take turns.
I know it's hard and I wish you luck in finding what works best for you,
Christy

[Karen Hillyer]

Dear Guest
These must be very worrying times for you, the differences between therapy types and treatment types are always a worry, especially when you are far from home and far from the people who have operated on your son.
I live in the Uk and certainly we don't have this type of Votja therapy here, but I do know that it is very widely used in Germany as one of the group members in our group was also living in Germany and was instructed in this therapy for her daughter.
However, for that Mother and child, it wasn't the right type of therapy and the Mother didn't feel comfortable performing ther therapy with her daughter so they opted for normal play situations, always with a view to encouraging good movement.
I agree wholeheartedly with Francine, Louise, Nancy and Christy here, therapy needs to be fun.
I would also like to offer my own personal experience and opinion here too, my son Gavin is now 11 years old and is "therapied out" after 11 years of playing games, swimming, organising activities to encourage good movements we have hit a brick wall.
If you mention the word Physiotherapy to him, he switches off completely, we have to be even more cunning otherwise he would sit and play with his playstation and computer all day long and get no exercise at all.
Try and not withdraw your child's treats or pleasures for not doing these exercises in the manner you wish
you know how important they are, but JR doesn't, he just knows Mummy is unhappy with his performance.
You don't want to alienate him to exercise this early, as later on it gets even harder!
this phase of his development will stretch your imagination more than his arm, lol - you need to be two steps ahead all the time.
For instance, over here is vacation time and yesterday
we went swimming for one hour in a pool with a physiotherapist where he worked VERY hard but loved every minute, then we went shopping, where he reached up to all the top shelves for me, then we came home and we baked cakes. He weighed the ingredients out, beat the mixture then we rolled out cookie dough, made Bart Simpson shapes with a cutter, baked them and then iced them with icing. Then we washed up all the dishes and pots and trays by hand.
All in all it was quite a good therapy day - if only Gavin had realised at the time LOL
sorry, I've gone on for a long time, but I hope we have helped you at this difficult time.
kindest wishes
Karen

[admin]

A million thank you's As I do my meditations tonight I will have much more to contemplate. You see I knew I should write and ask your opinions. You are there or have been and I knew you would understand the most.

[Kathleen]

I can understand why JR does not want to do therapy... I still hate exercise, therapy and anything that I do just because it’s “necessary for my arm"
I am an adult now and for years I did not do therapy, at least formally. My Mother was great and hiding the fact that every job I had related to moving my arm. Each one of my arms had assigned tasks this may sound silly but it worked. She taught me to do things and when she did she managed to assign each hand a task so I never realized I was stretching and moving.

I never realized when I was small that all the games I played with my family were therapy. I just thought they all loved me and wanted to play with me. I hated the words "Kathleen use your arm -- Kathleen thumb out" yet these were the words echoing in my ears when I began to have some serious problems with both of my arms. Now I am grateful for the push because I got back in to therapy and researched my "rare" birth injury found UBPN and learned so much...

I truly believe that OBPI babies are very stubborn, persistent and strong willed. That is a necessary trait and a good trait for an obpi child, otherwise we would never move! However, the flip side of that can be a problem for Parents would like us to be cooperative, easy going and willing to do therapy, Unfortunately that is the trait that often conflicts with the parents. Often on the boards you will read about how tough their bpi child is and strong willed. Being strong willed and tenacious is what keeps us going when the going gets tough. We need to be feisty to move at all. We are always challenged to do the ordinary and experience a great deal of frustration just doing the ordinary things children do. It is important that our parents do not add to our frustrations and it requires a great deal of creativity, HUMOR and patience to parent a bpi child. Not that those traits are not needed to raise any child just a great deal more when bpi is added to the mix.

I never say I can't and I am so thick headed that I just can't give up when I want to do something. I was taught "Can't means you won't" and if I gave up then I would never get to do the things I wanted to do. I sometimes do things just to see if I can do them not necessarily because I want to. I was always encouraged to try everything I was never told that I could not do something if fact I was told I could do anything I wanted to do all I had to do was keep trying.

I was never punished for not using my arm or for not doing the exercises. But I was lucky I came from a large family and someone was always playing teaching me to dance or ride a bike or arm wrestling with me... My brothers were grown men and would let me win a lot. (I was so dumb I really though I beat them)

If I could offer any suggestion maybe some variety would help. It may be a control issue so perhaps you can change the exercises and find other ways to get him to use his arm help him believe he can choose what he wants to do. I personally HATE puzzles never want to join in when the family did them.

Clay was and still is a special toy for me. I rolled clay with both hands I was allowed to mix my colors and make people, snakes and really played for hours with clay. This really helped to get my fingers moving.. I even learned to use a potter’s wheel a few years ago. I still love clay and it is so relaxing. You can also use play dough it smells nice and cleans up easy.

I hope this helps
Kath M …. Right OBPI age 63