United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hello everyone im Rico, and I want know what my fellow ubpn'er fellas n chicks think about dating. Does anyone ever get discouraged or have low confidence because of bp? When I first suffered my injury I was super depressed for like seven months, I did not wanna come out the house or interact with anyone except my moms and siblings. It sucks that we have to go through these kind of obsticals in life but like they say, "everything happens for a reason".
Since my accident my mackin has decreased quite a bit. My game is still tight as ever if not tighter but the confidence just isn't there anymore. For someone who once was very athletic, had a nice body, and was very into working out and playing sports, my mental took a devastating blow. Im currently single and I want to date and be in a relationship and all that good stuff I just dont have the confidence I use to, where I could approach any girl on the planet and try n holla but not anymore. And, to top it off the pain just sits there and dwells, freakin feels like ww3 in my arm. What do you guys do with your arm when you get dressed and go out, anywhere? How do you guys feel about trying to date or approching and talking to the oppisite sex? Are there any techniques or ways to feel better about going out and socializing and feeling good about your apearance?

RICO, I invite you to the "OBPI Adults and TeensMessage Forum Board" and type in the word Dating[b in the search box at the top of the page, and all of the posts on the subject should come up for you. BTW, everyone is welcome on any Message Board. We adults have discussed this topic/subject several times there. the bottom line, 'tho, seems to be we are our OWN enemy/sabotageor as we overthink everything.
Keep us updated,please.

Carolyn J...sometimes bossy
LOBPI/74

"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away now it looks as though there here to stay,I believed in yesterday......suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be there's a shadow hanging over me,yesterday came suddenly......why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say,I said something wrong now I long for yesterday"

Sorry for your loss,Armstrong
Carolyn J
LOBPI/74

armstrng, yesterday is gone forever. tommorow may not come. today is all you have. you can choose to be half the man you were at one time. or you can choose to be TWICE the man you once were.

Sorry that you are going threw this
It takes time to move forwards in dating or dealing with friends But I know for a fact when you can find away to stop focusing on your limiation you might find how much better you will be I stop looking in the mirror years ago and at 62 that a good thing

If you can find away to realize that a real friend does not care about your limation they care about you!!!! Do not shut your freinds out. You are the same good person so imbrace it My best friends for 50 years stop asking me about my arm years ago I meet my wife 32 years ago at Sorry at a Disco She married me because of me and not my limiation. Even from years of dating years , Girls went out with me and they really did not focus on my arm. If they did then I would of Never got a number right
Please be with your friends and go Out. Who knows you might get a number
Your friends are your friend and a real loves is out there
Staying Alive was my Tune,
Hope this helps??
Tom

Maybe I should've just tried to answer Ricos question...lol...the whole "Yesterday" thing was just me quoating The Beatles,it's always been one of my fav songs and sometimes I do feel that way...but as far as dating I absolutely think we bpi'ers can find and keep love/relationships.I had a romance right after my accident that had the potential of being a long term relationship,I just wasn't ready, like Carol said we can be our biggest obstacle,I focused on the arm way more than the woman who was trying to be with me,but had I been ready mentally and emotionally we would probably be together today.Yes it's different now,my selfconfidence is not the same but I don't dwell on it,I'm rebuilding,I'm a work in progress,sure I'm damaged goods but I try to focus on the goods not the damage...lol... it will be 2 yrs for me next month and I had it bad in the beginning....guilt,anger,depression,recession and a whole bunch of other stuff..lol...and I still do at times but I'm learning to forgive and love myself all over again so if love does come my way again I will be ready! For me at this time I have too much to focus on as far as getting my life back together before I pursue a relationship but if you feel you are ready you should go for it! A real person will see you for you and will be able to look past your injury.It's just like having a huge pimple that won't go away,sure it's ugly and uncomfortable but it doesn't change who you are inside.Look,I think for most people who suffer a permanent,physical injury it changes you,especially when you've been "normal" for soo long,it changes how you look and feel at/about yourself and it's not easy to accept,it takes time and some things will never be the same but that's the reality we have to face everyday and life goes on....so does love! So to Mr. Rico don't forget to be "Suave";..lol.. there are soo many ways to meet people nowadays,so get yourself together and get out there,get to know yourself again,talk to your female friends they will probably have some good advice and don't give up on love...more importantly...don't give up on yourself! Good luck.

Rico I sent you PM....check it out.

I am very glad to hear/read your latest post,Armsatrong! Yes, your 1st Beattle's quote post sent me in a different direction
Keep on keep'in' on!

Carolyn J
LOBPI/74 (sometimes "bossy")

Hi Armstrong,
I am also saying things in general to dating guy/girl
Trick when ordering at a restaurant My choice is to ordering things that do not need a knife and fork Steak sandwich, pasta , chicken,etc
Going on dates, Plays,bowling,concerts,movies,etc
I think you can fell better , by not picking things to do on a date that need two arms or odering a meal.
It does take time for sure to find your self and in time you will by trying, Being creative does happen to in how we deal with these injuries . Your mental state can be help ware our limitation may not
There are all types of tricks over time you will have and and tricks of your own I know by a life time it will work to, the newer injured will to, by post (over time)
I really like the posts given RIGHT ON!!!
Tom