United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

My little booger-butt, Ben, was at EI the other day and part of his class is snack time. The teacher has each child help pour their own drinks, when its Ben's turn, she makes him use his BPI hand (right). Well, this time, he looks at her, when she told him to help, and said "I can't use that hand." clear as day!! I always thought, I'd break down if he ever said that, but all that went thru my mind was "Great, now he has a new excuse why he can't pick up toys!!" He hasn't tried it on me yet, probably knows better, and when he does, oh well, it doesn't make a difference to mommy, 'cause he needs to learn to use it. Anyhow, I'm just curious, what did you say, do, or think when (or if) your child says this?
Anne

My little guy, 4 years old ROBPI, only does this is he wants attention....he tried on Dr. Nath, but as soon as Dr. Nath pulled those magic lollipops out of his pocket, my little guy could so anything Dr. Nath asked.....yes, they will use it to their advantage, my only advice, is never let them hear you say they can't do something with that affected arm....

I try to act casual when Amanda says things like that. I'll say something like "let's try it again, I bet you can" and then give her a little help doing it. She usually laughs and is proud of herself when she sees she can do it.

Boy, this one is really hard.
Because darn it, there just are some things we can't do. On the other hand, I never heard my mom use those words and she never allowed me to say them. Rather, it was 'let's try this a different way'.

I think it is important to guide the child to reach their full potential but at the same time to recognize and understand the frustration.

Nancy

Looking back I remember that I never forced her to use her injured arm. I tried to always encourage her to try and figure out a way she could get done what she wanted to using both hands. If she needed two hands up on her head to put a hat on - I'd say something like "can you think of a way to get both hands up there?" Even when she'd connect her thumbs together to lift her injured arm up - that's fine because she was thinking on her own and learning her own ways of doing what she wanted to do - and proving to herself that she could accomplish anything if she just came up with a way that worked for her. Sometimes we'd think together on ways to make things easier for her - but she was always the one who in the end figured her own way of doing things. Today she knows that she can always figure out a way to do whatever she wants to do - just think about how to do it and then do it. Christy

O.k I'd probably say then use your other hand and move on past it. I mean there are a lot of 2 handed activities that will get the therapy going and it is silly to take the chance of getting into a power struggle over this. I mean it is their arm. I would have a hard time pouring left handed because I'm right hand dominant. I just would get past it and do other activities that he must 2 hands...like pshing the the shopping cart, etc..
T.

Hi

All i can say is dont make a meal out of it! bcos there is somethings that ur children arent gonna b able to do!

I still find it difficult to pour myself a drink ESPECIALLY if im first at a new bottle of juice and it is heavy...i sometimes ask my mum and she will do it for me cos she knows that i dont giv up that easily.

You were sayin that this is part of his school day which means that there are other children around him, maybe he feels embarrassed bcos he has to do it differently or is scared incase he drops it!

Its a very difficult task and you may not realise it bcos you dont struggle with it!

Watch him at home pouring a drink and try to show him an easier way to do it if he looks quite awkward.

The way i do it is...lift the neck of the bottle with my left(good)arm and support the top of it with that hand and then tip the bottom up with THE BACK of my bpi hand. I do it with the back bcos i cant turn it around so it makes it easier. Its quite dodgy incase the bottle slips but iv got the hang of it. Maybe get ur son to try that.

Jst be understanding. I can image how parents could think ... how can he not do that? and also dont like their children sayin i cant do that. But maybe they cant and maybe sometimes they are being lazy! lol!

Please take wot iv said into consideration...im jst speaking from experiece. Im 16 and i find it hard to pour juice!

Michelle

My son is ten, and while we have had this issue often, we just plainly say, It's hard we know , but lets try, If you need help we'll help. But we have always tried and it may be different but he's never not found a way at that age. Just keep encouraging and don't loose heart.

It took me a very long time to admit even to myself that there are some things I just cannot do....

One is to pour milk with my bpi arm... and I would never pour in public with that arm... the way I use my arm calls too much attention to it... I would never preform in front of a crowd. Who says that milk has to be poured by either the left or right hand..... It should be the child's choice....

As for saying I can't.... My mother use to say " Can't means you won't".... she was trying to tell me if I approach everything with "I can't" .... then I would never learn to do some things I would have set myself up for failure... She just kept telling me to try... but she let my do it my way... she let me compensate and do things in the only way I could. She encouraged me to try everything and to keep trying until I mastered it.

Public display of my arm in school was embarassing and really not necessary.... my gym teacher kept telling me to put my arm up straight... but I still can't.... so if the children are pouring milk and all the kids are right handed that is fine but if a child is left handed or bpi... then they should pour with the hand that is comfortable....

Jumping off my soap box and pouring milk with my left hand and drinking my coffee left handed... LOL....

Kath

i have to agree with Michelle i'm 17(roughly the same age) but the other thing i can't understand is why is the teacher getting to pour the juice with his erbs arm please??? i can't pour juice with my arm as the weight would hurt. so i can understand why he said i can't do that! and it may be he can't do it b/c it would hurt! please keep that in mind!

God bless
love
Anna<