United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hey everybody I was just curious to see how many people on here do sports, dance, perform, ect. Anything really.
I do basketball and also am in choir, which involves some dancing (very cheesy by the way HaHa).
Anyways.
I was in choir the other day, and we were going over this dance we have to do for our Christmas concert. Now, everybody knows with BPI you don't have good range of motion with your arm. Well when we were finished I pulled my choir teacher aside and basically said "Listen I can't really do some of the motions right because of my arm (which she does know about). I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't slacking off and not doing it right, since most people do that." Well she understands because she's a really nice lady. I told her I didn't want to make it look bad or anything. Which I hoped I wouldn't, and also really didn't think I would. And one of her responses was "Well maybe you can just kind of stay in the back and try your best." She also added that it really wasn't anybody elses business.
Well the first response was enough for me. I was SO mad! I can't even begin to explain it. I don't know if I really should be or not, because maybe she didn't mean it that way? But honestly come on... I can be just as good as those other people, infact better at times, not to brag. Most people just mess around in that class, I actually put forth effort and enjoy it.
Wow I really just rambled on. Sorry everybody if you wasted your time reading this.
I haven't told my mom because I figured she'd get reallyyyyy mad. She doesn't like anybody telling me I can't do something.
Basically I just wanted to see if this has happened to anybody else? And get it off my chest before I like Exploded with anger! Grrr.
Sarah/ROBPI/13

Sarah,
I am sorry your teacher said it the way she did. It was wrong and just plain rude! She may not have meant it that way though, maybe she thought you felt self-conscious and figured if you wanted to make it less obvious then you could stay in the back more.
If I were you I would just tell her that you are fine where you are (out in front or wherever you normally stand) and that you will do your best.

I did ballet and competitive figure skating all through high school. I was also in the school band and played clarinet. I never let anyone tell me NO, and while some movements were harder or impossible I made sure my teachers/coaches knew that I would just adjust it and do it my way.

Marieke 34, LOBPI

Sarah,
My son is 11 and has played baseball and plays drums in the band. In my opinion that was wrong of the teacher and as a parent those would have been fighting words. I have gone to baat some many times with adults who are just plain IGNORANT !!! My son's baseball coach, the head of the park district programs got kicked off the team by the head of the park district because of things he did and said to my son and the looks he gave them, he is actually lucky to be alive....lol !!! People are so mean ! GAYLE mom of BRANDON ROBPI

Sarah

It was rude and thoughtless. I can understand your not telling you Mom because my Mom would have gotten so upset if someone told me I could not do something.

We tend to protect our parents from things like this but it's not always good. If it still bothers you maybe you should talk it over with your mother. Perhaps you could have a conversation with the teacher and tell her it made you feel bad. Your concern was for the concert and maybe she misunderstood and thought you were embarrassed. Explain that your not and felt uncomfortable with her response. This will give her a chance to explain and maybe it was not meant to be rude.

Kath robpi/adult

Thanks everybody for the replies(:
She probably didn't mean to be rude, but honestly I can't be sure. It makes me soooo mad how people just can't think before they say things. I mean honestly come on. And way to go for everybody that plays sports and stuff like that! Nobody should ever let somebody else tell them they can't do something.
Sarah/ROBPI/13

My daughter has done ballet and tap lessons with a concert to perform two numbers in since she was 3 years old. This is her fourth year. We started dance so she could get a more natural stretch and more body awareness. Any movement is great! My daughter is a great dancer even though she lack some ROM and her arm looks different during recital compared to others (and she's arching the whole time). She enjoys it and couldn't care less that she looks a little different.

Tanya in NY
Amber's Mom, ROBPI, almost 7 years old

when i was in school, i was in flagline for a year, in which i could do all of the routines... some just had to be ajusted a little so i was able to do them. i also did karate for 6 years, and got my black belt. you can basically do anyhting you want to, just find your own way and do it. im sorry that your teacher said that, and i hope it was just trying to protect you, like someone said before.. even though she may not have meant to be rude.

Mel

I am glad to see I am not the only one. I am glad to see many are leaning to stay STRONG and not afraid to over come stupid statements. There is the felling that trying is the best to do for emotioal happyness. Even thow you cant do everthing you want with erbs? I think that any sport or dance is the best way to get exercise your erbs and finding new things to over come or try . I like the disco days and dancing did streach my erbs. This is how I did things in my life time.

Best Wishes to Try,

Tom

Sarah, if you enjoy cheesey dancing, you might geta real kick out of this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMuw5Fc6cBY

I play trombone, and this is a video of a performance I did when I won an audition to participate in a summer college program at disneyland a few years ago. This is just 10 minutes of about 2 hours of music/choreography that we had to learn. Needless to say, it was very tough on my arm! There was just one circumstance that I had to tell the choreographer that I couldn't do something, and we figured it out really quick. A lot of the stuff I did my own way, and I never really brought it up, and no one ever really noticed(I think). I guess my point is that you might be able to do your own thing without bringing attention to yourself that you're doing different, and that might prevent unwated remarks. I also think a lot of people aren't very considerate, and don't put themselves in our situation, and don't really care to understand how they would feel in that situation. I wouldn't let the indifference and ignorance of others bother you too much. One thing that I've learned, is that I am the only person in control of my happiness. If I get upset by someone, it's only because I allowed them to get to me. At least you know what's wrong with your arm, also! When I was your age, I got a LOT of flack from varies adult athority figures at school because I couldn't do something, and I had no defense for myself because my parents didn't tell me what was wrong with me. I knew my arm didn't work as well as the other, but I had no clue why. Once, I was mistakenly put in a typing class in high school, and typing with my left arm HURTS so much. I was trnasfering out of that class, so I didn't want to do the work in class, because it hurt and it wouldn't matter anyway. The teacher called me lazy and threatened detension if I didn't participate until I transfered out of the class. I just didn't know enough about what was going on to explain it to anyone. I hope any of that helps. I totally know how you must have felt!

-Chris 25/LOBPI

Sarah, often people will say things that they don't realize are hurtful. When I read your post, the first thing that came to mind is she may have thought that you were telling her about your arm because you may have been self conscious about the different movements. So her answer might have been to let you know that if you wanted to, you could reposition yourself in a different area so that you could feel more at ease.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Try to stay positive.

About my daughter.... Maia, is 11 years old and she's in all sorts of activities. She has very little use of her left (dominant and bpi) arm and she plays four instruments and is in 5 orchestras and bands including School of Rock. She's in dancing and two choirs, in the drama club, does aikido, loves to swim (she finally figured out how to do get moving with one arm). She's more busy than anyone I know... except me because I have to take her everywhere!

Every year and for every activity, I have a sheet that I typed up about Maia's "stuff". And one of the most important messages I have for them is that even if her arm moves one day, it might not move the next, so please do not think she is lazy. Maia's arm movement is dictated by how much oxygen she's taking in (she has diaphragm issues). I also remind them that she is doing things with her non-dominant arm so it tires easily. And I point out exactly what Maia CAN do and what she CAN'T do -- so I educate them right up front. I believe that education brings tolerance. People usually gawk and laugh at things they don't understand but explain it to them and they usually back off.