United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi everyone! Ashley is wanting to take piano lessons, which I think is wonderful. Hubby says we should not encourage her because he doesn't think she will be able to do it!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I think hey, why not? Ashley may love it and excell at it, or she may learn to improvise and still make music, or she may hate it!! At the very least it may be excellent therapy! I think she should be encouraged to try anything she wishes, he thinks we should save her the hurt!! As you can see this is turning into a battle, help please. Any suggestions, or information about other OBPI people musically inclined? Any thing would be appreciated!

Thanks, Lenni

Lenni,
I think piano lessons are a great idea. I agree that she should be able to try anything that she wants to do. Like you said she might do really well. Maybe to satify your hubby's thought would be to sit Ashely down at the piano and let her "bang" away. I would also try to sit with her and maybe show her some stuff that she might need to do. Plus explain how it might be more diffcult and might frustrate her. It sucks but it is the reality. I would also suggest talking to a piano teacher and see if they would be willing to talk out all the issues and stuff.
Blessings,
Kristie

This is an good site, details on one handed piano playing and many other instruments. http://www.celloheaven.com/disabled/

Note To Lenni's Husband:

I like to think of my daughter not as being disabled but as being differently-abled.

There are going to be plenty of things that she will have to learn how to do DIFFERENTLY. And many people will look at her and pass judgement and even laugh or tease her about her differently-abled ways. But I'm trying my best to teach her that DIFFERENT is OK.

When a child actually WANTS to take something on like an instrument - this is great because it could mean that the child has a true inner passion for it. She could go as far as she wants when it comes to inner passion.

My daughter's violin teacher teaches a student with no fingers and very little use of that hand. She is now a virtuoso violinist and plays in concerts all over this area. They constructed a special piece of equipment to allow the 'stump' hand to function on the strings. Can you imagine how sad this child would have been if someone (her parent) told her that her dream would be impossible right from the get-go?

What about that famous guitar player that plays with his feet? Did you ever hear his music? It's phenominal.

You can't shield your child from the fun things in life just because she's going to do something differently or because you are predetermining that she's going to fail.

Passion bypasses most road blocks.... except the road blocks that parents put out because they are the most hurtful to try and bypass.

This won't be the last thing that you'll be asked to set aside your pre-judgement and your own personal emotional pain about it. It's time for you to let her own wings take over. She needs to fly freely and you need to be on her cheering squad every inch of the way.

There will be heavenly music coming from your household. There may be some difficulties and tears but you know, I have two good working hands and my piano practice hours were not always successful either - it's not easy learning an instrument and practicing.

An instrument can be looked at as a microphone for our own inner voice. I am a person that believes that music should be introduced into everyone's life. It can be a way of expressing our deepest emotions that we can't express with words or to anyone. I think that music is very important- especially for our kids because of how hard their road has been and will be.

Respectfully,
francine

(classical piano since age 2 1/2- I freaked out at my parents every time my older brother's piano teacher came over because I wanted to play,and they had no choice to get me to shut up except to give me lessons too! LOL)

I learned a long time ago that my son will normally exceed my expectations in whatever he sets his mind to. Like Francine says, he just does things a little differently, but he figures out a way.

Find a great teacher who will work with your daughter's abilities, and stand back and let her fly!!

My two cents,
Bridget

If you tell a child they can't.... It means they won't.......

I took piano lessons... I really hated them but now realize it was a way to get those weak fingers moving on my bpi hand.... I learned to type with both hands and type quick fast.....

Look at Michelle on the Adult/obpi board... Her family encouraged her to do everything.... she is only 16 and doing so much... not everyone is good at everything... but if you never try you never know....

I was encouraged to do everything and try to do lots of things... I have many hand oriented hobbies.. that is because I was never told that I could not accomplish things because of my ARM....

I took the potter's wheel at 60... and I have some really nice pots to show for it... I was so happy because it was something I always wanted to try... Now I have a little studio in my house so I can work on it whenever I want because the instructors kept telling me to do it their way... as if there is only one way to do things....
OK... I know I am on a roll.... but because I am obpi and was encouraged to try everthing...My motto while raising my children was..."it is better to try something and fail then to never try....
Would -a , could-a, should-a and if only I had... Are the worst words to say to yourself and the worst way to feel... But if you try something and fail... Well, at least you tried!!!

Jumping... of my soap box... and saying please let them try anything their heart desires... they will find a way, if it is really what they want to do....

You would be surprised at how well rounded many of us older / obpi adults are because we were allowed to experiment.... and experience so many things...

Kath

Ok another one for the husband....please don't discourage your child. my son is 4 and we thought he would never swim and he does. We thought he would never throw a ball and he does. These kids will do what they want to do and are pretty good at it. How do you know if you don't lket her try ? My child has never heard mom, dad or siblings say that he can't do something....there have been alot of cheering sessions when we felt like he wouldn't suceed and he did....like francine said...our children are differently abled and it makes them better people in the long run !!!!!

Thank you so mush for all of your input! I am happy to know I am not the only person who encourages her child to try and try again. I am still working on the issue with my husband, George, and I think he is warming up! lol


Lenni

Nicole really likes the piano too. A friend of ours teaches piano. Nicole always likes to play when we go there. My friend has also offered to give Nicole lessons for free. I too am concerned with her getting frustrated of feeling badly about not being able to play the "traditional" way. I'm not going to let my concerns get in the way with what Nicole wants to do though. She loves music and she might really enjoy playing piano too. Maybe she won't like it, but I'm definitely going to let her decide that for herself. I'll just keep it casual and with no pressure. We don't have a piano or anything really for her to practice on though so we haven't started yet, maybe next year. If she likes it, then I think it will be great therapy. I think our children would be more hurt to findout at some point that we didn't let them try something b/c we thought they might not succeed, then to actually feel hurt over not succeeding at something. I also think that if we hold them back from even trying things like this, then they might not have a lot of self-confidence or might even later resent us, JMO. I find that if Nicole enjoys doing something, then she's more successful at it b/c she doesn't give up as easily and is more determined to accomplish it. So, if piano is something a child's interested in, BPI or not, I say go for it. I hope your hubby will agree. I know it can be hard to let go sometimes, but in this case, it seems to be the right thing to do IMO. Just look at Michelle, who posts here sometimes. She's an inspiration for us to think about when faced with things like this. -Tina

Kath, thank you fo you special insight. I too beleive that our daughter should never here her parents, or anyone else, say she cannot do something because of her arm. I know George's heart is in the right place, he doesn't want his daughter to be hurt, he also knows that he has to let go and let her go for it. Your words, helped him along, thank you!

Oh, thought I would let you know that I too am a potter, and may I congratulate you on your accomplishment of potting. For me, learning to pot with two hands was a big challenge. I work full time at a huge pottery shop, there are 6 potters, and we have been in business 30 years! We produce full lines of pottery in 5 standard patterns, and have many special patterns available too. If you care to here more, please e mail me.

Wishing you a pleasant day,
Lenni