United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

I (yes, I) had my feelings hurt when I was trying to get Logan signed up for dance class this fall (clogging). She has been doing dance for about a year now and she want's to switch from ballet/tap to clogging. Soooo, I called and the lady was super nice but brutally honest when she said that if Logan couldn't do certain things with her arm (I told her about Logan's injury which is usually our rigamore before she does anything and I HATE IT!!!) then she wouldn't be able to go to competition with the other girls because that's how they get scored is by doing things in sync. I totally understand what she is saying and if I was one of the other girls parents I wouldn't want my child to be unable to go to competition because of one other child but STILL... I am trying to keep an open mind but this whole obpi thing just #$@$% me off. WHY???? How do I explain this to Logan?? She really wants to do it. I have been calling to get her enrolled in horse riding lessons (which she loves) and divert her attention to that but then my husband says, "what if she falls?". Well, I could "what if" myself to death!! I can't put her in a glass house but things are so unfair to her. I want her to grow up like I did, doing everything from soccer to dance but I am sick of starting things knowing, HONESTLY HERE, that she might not be able to do it well and we all know how confidence boosting it is to our egos when we can do things well, and our obpi kids need this so much!!! I still have her in gymnastics but she has a hard time doing things and you can see how it breaks her heart, breaking ours... Any advice on children's activities that you all have had success with?? What about swimming (but Logan doesn't have the full range of motion???)?? This whole obpi things just rears its ugly head day after day... I am so sick of the problems it brings, even with little things... sorry, having a cruddy day... maybe the rain?
Thanks, Natalie

Natalie

Only recently I found out my Mom took me out of a dance class at the age of 12 for the same reason...
All these years I was so ticked off that she said we could not afford it. I was in a class that was supposed to go on TV and they kept moving me back of the lines and then one day my Mom said ... you can't go to dance anymore I can't afford it... I was so sad I loved it and did not realize that my arm looked so different... she took the heat and the hurt, because I was so angry at HER, rather then hurt me.

I would direct her attention to the horses if that is what she likes... Why hurt her feeling... maybe tell her she can't have both... As for falling -- we do -- and we get hurt and we get up again and start all over. It is better to find something that makes her feel as if she can accomplish... I sang my way through school and that helped with some of the other stuff...
There are days when I hate this too... and if I was the MOM... I would be so frustrated... and angry... so vent...let off the steam and then find another hobby to give her...
She can swim its good exercise. She can play some sports... she just can't be the cheerleader -- its more fun to play the sport. I played basketball and really enjoyed it... I was not a great player just part of the team and that made me happy.

Have a better day
Kath

Hi Natalee,

You should ask this woman if she can spell discrimination!!

And competition my arse! I'm sorry but that makes me as mad (well almost) as you are. How old are these kids? I highly doubt that most of these kids are going to make a living out of clogging...not like they are going to be in these competitions in hopes of being "discovered".

If I were you, I'd enroll her. (As long as not being as "in sync as the other girls" doesn't bother her, anyways.) I'll bet that the other girls are in it for the fun and exercise...not for the competition.

To heck with them. Go for it. Don't let them stop you!

Missy

Natalee,

I can relate to your frustration. However, I hope that fear of failing (or falling!) won't keep you or your daughter from trying new things or pursuing interests. Your daughter will no doubt astound you with her abilities...this has happened with my son too many times to count.

As for clogging...maybe you can find another program that focuses on learning and fun rather than competition. Perhaps there is another teacher who welcomes with open arms all students with a sincere desire to participate and learn.

My son has taken Irish step dancing lessons (arms must be kept straight and to the side which of course he can't do well) and participated in competitions...he did great. He was proud of himself, we were proud of him. The scores didn't matter so much (he scored well, by the way) as the experience, being brave and performing before a crowd, preparation, etc.

If this is important to your daughter, perhaps you could keep trying to find a class that is warm and welcoming.

Re: horses...my son did therapeutic horseback riding for years, he loved it, it was very safe. Maybe your daughter could do that?

Good luck!!

Bridget

I don't know if any of you saw this link on the tbpi board http://criticalthrash.com/action/wanchese/robfs.jpg hope that works....this guy also does surfing, canoeing and sailing. I know of a flail arm obpi guy who does archery, many of the tbpi ride both bicycles and motorbikes one handed, I have my own horse and swim and dive really well. It's great your daughter doesn't want to let her bpi get in her way, i hope you don't let the silly instructor impede her. What an attitude!

'What if she falls'?

Even with two good arms you'll still hit the ground just as hard. Believe me I fell off enough and I was a rough and tumble (and uninjured) kid back then. Western style riding only takes one hand and no fear. More important of the two, no fear

I think you did exactly what I would have done personally- try and get her involved asap with something else- good for you!
I dont see the dance class as being because of her BPI- It was a fact that if she cannot do Y then she cannot do Z- life is like that-it could have just as easily been because she was not co ordinated or something
We have done the horseback riding with Max, like, put him on the horse with a sibling or his dad rides him- untill he is older thats how we will do it- I think the more you try and protect them the slower return they will have and the less they will be- You know exactly what youre doing mom- hang in there-

...
hey Angie was a cheerleader- anyone ever met her? She was at the 99 camp EPIRG-
probably refered to as severe BPI-
but I would not refer to her like that at all- only to her injury-if ya know what I mean-
probably looks has more to do with a girl being a cheerleader than arm injury but thats a different topic
soccer tho Yeah soccer for sure ,if she is so inclined
too much coffee tonight, err excuse me while I shut up now

OH THE NERVE.. This really upsets me. If I were in your shoes I would keep pursuing it. That is discrimination. With or without your daughter someone is bound to mess up..Even the children that have two good arms are not always in rythm. (I think I spelt that right:) ) I would also be concerned about your daughters feelings though. Leave it open for her to decide what to do. Explain to her the situation and what could happen if she is in it. For instance the other kids/parents could get upset and say some nasty stuff. Let her know all these things and if her heart is still set on doing dance take the chance. Good luck. My daughter is only 2 and half and she loves sports now. I will never stop her from participating. Yes, it scares me that she could get hurt, But your right we as parents cannot keep our kids in a glass cage they will hate us.. WELL NOT LITERALLY. Oh keep us posted..