Hi everyone! I haven't been to the board in months (busy at work), but I have a serious question. I'm 25 with right OBPI. I have been living w/ my boyfriend for a year. He has a 6-year-old daughter, whom I get along great with. But...I don't think she has ever noticed my arm (we only get her every other weekend). This weekend is gonna be HOT, and I'm nervous about wearing short sleeves. I know I shouldn't be nervous about a 6-year-old, but I think what I'm actually nervous about is if she asks about it in front of other adults. I never talk about my arm, and always try to hide the fact that I'm uncomfortable talking about it when someone asks, but I can always feel my face getting red. I guess it's because I feel "normal" and when someone asks about my arm, I "remember" that I am a little different!
But back to my question...has anyone went through this? How should I explain this? Should I say something to his daughter first? Or wait for her to notice?
Thanks for all your help and all your other posts. It's soooooo comforting knowing I'm not alone. Erica.
How to tell child about OBPI
Re: How to tell child about OBPI
Erica:
I'm a 63 year old right OBPI victim and have been asked many times about my arm and the surgerical scars I have. I just say that my arm is partially paralyzed due to a birth injury. If someone wants more of an explanation than that, and if appropriate to do so, I might explain how the injury happened and demonstrate the range of motion I have.
But to anwser your question, I would wait until she asks or something happens where she obviously notices your injury before going into details. Remember, even if she asks and you explain, physical characteristics have little to do with the quality of an individual. When you show that you care for her, your injury will fade into the background.
Has she already privately asked her father? She may already know!!
John P.
I'm a 63 year old right OBPI victim and have been asked many times about my arm and the surgerical scars I have. I just say that my arm is partially paralyzed due to a birth injury. If someone wants more of an explanation than that, and if appropriate to do so, I might explain how the injury happened and demonstrate the range of motion I have.
But to anwser your question, I would wait until she asks or something happens where she obviously notices your injury before going into details. Remember, even if she asks and you explain, physical characteristics have little to do with the quality of an individual. When you show that you care for her, your injury will fade into the background.
Has she already privately asked her father? She may already know!!
John P.
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Re: How to tell child about OBPI
John--
Thanks so much for your reply...it means a lot to me. I usually tell people the same thing as you when they ask. I'm almost too embarassed to bring it up to my boyfriend, just because we only talked about my arm a year ago when we first started dating. I know he wouldn't feel uncomfortable, I guess it's just me!!
Anyway...thanks again and have a wonderful weekend!
Erica
Thanks so much for your reply...it means a lot to me. I usually tell people the same thing as you when they ask. I'm almost too embarassed to bring it up to my boyfriend, just because we only talked about my arm a year ago when we first started dating. I know he wouldn't feel uncomfortable, I guess it's just me!!
Anyway...thanks again and have a wonderful weekend!
Erica
Re: How to tell child about OBPI
Dear Erica
I understand how you feel not wanting to speak in public about your arm. We are normal. Sometimes children pick odd places to ask questions.
Honesty is always the best. IF - she even notices. My granddaughter never noticed until she wanted me to clap hands and play a game... She is almost 8 I tried to explain it very simply. "I was injured when I was born and now I can't do some things". She never mentions it... She loves me and like you I feel normal until someone points it out.
Of course, now that I know all the information from UBPN when people ask in public... I use it as an opportunity to educate....
But I would not have at your age...
If you are asked in public make your answer brief. It is a birth injury - period. If anyone persists simple do not answer. We are not required to answer every rude comment just change the subject.
She most likely never noticed and probably won't...
Children are funny - she sees you as a nice person and knows she enjoys spending time with you.
Have fun enjoy yourself... and come around more often..
Kath - 62 and right OBPI
I understand how you feel not wanting to speak in public about your arm. We are normal. Sometimes children pick odd places to ask questions.
Honesty is always the best. IF - she even notices. My granddaughter never noticed until she wanted me to clap hands and play a game... She is almost 8 I tried to explain it very simply. "I was injured when I was born and now I can't do some things". She never mentions it... She loves me and like you I feel normal until someone points it out.
Of course, now that I know all the information from UBPN when people ask in public... I use it as an opportunity to educate....
But I would not have at your age...
If you are asked in public make your answer brief. It is a birth injury - period. If anyone persists simple do not answer. We are not required to answer every rude comment just change the subject.
She most likely never noticed and probably won't...
Children are funny - she sees you as a nice person and knows she enjoys spending time with you.
Have fun enjoy yourself... and come around more often..
Kath - 62 and right OBPI
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Janny_scotland
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Re: How to tell child about OBPI
hi erica
i dont think youll have much of a problem here.
last summer my then 6 year old decided that she wanted all her friends in our cul-de-sac to see my erbs arm and promptly invited them all across for a look!
my erbs shoulder is extensively scarred from surgery with both bones and pins sticking out all over and really doesnt look too nice!!
however, here was i surrounded by about 8 5 and 6 year olds all oohh and aahhing at my arm....and 2 minuites later they were all off on their bikes and scooters...arm forgotten!!
6 year olds are very resiliant and im sure youll have no problem whatsoever
take care,
janny
i dont think youll have much of a problem here.
last summer my then 6 year old decided that she wanted all her friends in our cul-de-sac to see my erbs arm and promptly invited them all across for a look!
my erbs shoulder is extensively scarred from surgery with both bones and pins sticking out all over and really doesnt look too nice!!
however, here was i surrounded by about 8 5 and 6 year olds all oohh and aahhing at my arm....and 2 minuites later they were all off on their bikes and scooters...arm forgotten!!
6 year olds are very resiliant and im sure youll have no problem whatsoever
take care,
janny
Re: How to tell child about OBPI
Hi Erica...
I do not have a bpi (my daughter does) but I have other issues that make me 'different' from others and many people point them out to me regularly...and my ex husband had alopecia (no hair anywhere) so I experienced 7 years of people gawking at him, too.
I think the most important thing to work on is to become as comfortable with yourself - anyway you are. If you are comfortable with yourself and secure about yourself then it won't matter what anyone says to you.
I am a very obese woman and I get stares and comments and snickers all the time. One day my acupuncturist's 6 year old daughter was in the office (she had off from school). She came in my treatment room and her eyes popped out of her head and she exclaimed "Boy - you are REALLY FAT!" and I looked at her and said "Boy you are REALLY SKINNY!!" and then I said - "isn't it wonderful that you and I are SO DIFFERENT? It wouldn't be fun if everyone was the same as the next person." And she looked at me with a "got it" look and asked me if I would color this poster with her.
With my ex husband - I got so sick of other laughing and gawking at him...that when this middle aged man pointed a finger and laughed, I walked right up to him and said "What makes you think that the hair on YOUR head is guaranteed to stay? My husband's hair fell out overnight!"
How about if you approach the daughter yourself... something like "hey, wanna see something? my arms are different, check this out..." and show her? and just answer her questions honestly.
But it's much easier to do this - when you feel comfortable with yourself - as you are - anyway you are.
just sharing my thoughts,
francine
I do not have a bpi (my daughter does) but I have other issues that make me 'different' from others and many people point them out to me regularly...and my ex husband had alopecia (no hair anywhere) so I experienced 7 years of people gawking at him, too.
I think the most important thing to work on is to become as comfortable with yourself - anyway you are. If you are comfortable with yourself and secure about yourself then it won't matter what anyone says to you.
I am a very obese woman and I get stares and comments and snickers all the time. One day my acupuncturist's 6 year old daughter was in the office (she had off from school). She came in my treatment room and her eyes popped out of her head and she exclaimed "Boy - you are REALLY FAT!" and I looked at her and said "Boy you are REALLY SKINNY!!" and then I said - "isn't it wonderful that you and I are SO DIFFERENT? It wouldn't be fun if everyone was the same as the next person." And she looked at me with a "got it" look and asked me if I would color this poster with her.
With my ex husband - I got so sick of other laughing and gawking at him...that when this middle aged man pointed a finger and laughed, I walked right up to him and said "What makes you think that the hair on YOUR head is guaranteed to stay? My husband's hair fell out overnight!"
How about if you approach the daughter yourself... something like "hey, wanna see something? my arms are different, check this out..." and show her? and just answer her questions honestly.
But it's much easier to do this - when you feel comfortable with yourself - as you are - anyway you are.
just sharing my thoughts,
francine
Re: How to tell child about OBPI
Louise - you hit it on the nose.... this last weekend at the ohio picnic was just so uplifting for me..I feel like a reanaissance woman. I want you to know that it started on Friday before I even left. I actually went and got a manicure and pedicure and got this wild purple color put on... I NEVER do these things for myself. I started coming out of my depression when maia's pain starting going away - it's been 4 weeks no and no pain and this whole house is singing! Thanks for noticing! 
-francine
-francine
Re: How to tell child about OBPI
Francine I am so happy to hear Maia's pain is going away... and you had a break... If you feel really crazy let Maia paint you toes and hands...LOL... dummy me let my granddaughter and each foot and hand was a different color... LOL...
Louise I am sorry to hear Elizabeth is in pain... Is is possible she is going through a growth spurt....
Or is she have nerve pain and spasms? Nice massage with ginger oil its warm and feels good....
I also you Mineral Ice on my arm and should when I feel uncomfortable.... sometimes when the weather is very cold and damp... my arm aches....
I hope she feels better soon. And you keep talking and hanging out with the girlfriends... they just listen... if I complain to my husband he always wants to fix it....LOL...
Kath
Louise I am sorry to hear Elizabeth is in pain... Is is possible she is going through a growth spurt....
Or is she have nerve pain and spasms? Nice massage with ginger oil its warm and feels good....
I also you Mineral Ice on my arm and should when I feel uncomfortable.... sometimes when the weather is very cold and damp... my arm aches....
I hope she feels better soon. And you keep talking and hanging out with the girlfriends... they just listen... if I complain to my husband he always wants to fix it....LOL...
Kath