United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi all

Ok - so I'm just gonna jump straight into the issue:

18 months after being separating from my partner of 5 yrs I've finally decided to jump back into the dating game...and while I'm resigned to the fact that there's no way I'm going to lose 30kilos (not sure what that is in pounds, sorry) overnight, I'm a little bit uncertain about explaining my arm. Do I even need to explain it? And when is the right time to explain it?

It's not like I want to just jump into a conversation and say - "by the way, my arm doesn't work like yours does and sometimes I look a bit odd when I put my hair in a ponytail..." but I also don't wanna be accused of false advertising

When I interview for a job I always mention my arm.... but is that necessary when dating? My last partner wasn't a problem. We went to school together so he knew all about it.. but for some reason I've become all shy, probably because the older I get the more difficulties/limitations I am developing..

Any advice is appreciated

Lacey, 28yo ROBPI

Lacey,
I have chosen to take a stright up approach about my arm with my guy so he knows exactly what we are up against. I think one of our first conversations was actually about a ring splint that I wear on my middle finger. Them my roommate told him that I have an arm injury so I explained every hting else and have answered all his questions since then. I have also let him play with my e-stim unit. Last night he even drew on my circles to mark where my e-stim electrodes go. He picked my colors too, lol. He seems to enjoy learning about my injury and participating in my therapy.

If you have secondary issues coming up it might be good to fill in your guys. I think telling my guy upfront was good for us, we have nothing to hide about this injury, it was not something we had any choice about so dont be shy. Just let things happen. If a guy chooses notto have you because of your arm, he a jerk you dont need to waste your time on!
Good luck finding the man of your dreams!
Hugs,
Amy 20 years old ROBPI from MN

Laceyj,
I vote, wait until questions are asked and/or genuine interest in dating a 2nd time is there present.

I suggest reading ALL of Amy T.'s posts under the topics Mayo on the 22nd" and Self-Esteem and Dancing. How she handled it.
Good luck, Lacey!

HUGS,
Carolyn J
LOBPI/69+++


Message was edited by: Carolyn J

Hi Lacey,
Getting into the dating world is hard enough without an injury lol! I personally have a very noticeable arm with my elbow locked and my hand grew slower and was paralyzed so no one to be honest had the guts to ask about it. my fiance when I first met him never asked or said anything about it, even held it with no thought. I had to ask him why he never asked and he said "it didn't matter so why ask". So i vote just wait, if they ask about it you know what to tell them.If you fumble with something or something looks out of place when you pull your hair up just gage their reaction. If they don't even notice then just get back to the conversation at hand. I know most people with BP know when they are being second glanced or eyeballed. If they do notice then tell them. I like to make a joke about it with people because they can get nervous about offending. I really hope you meet the right one! Good luck!
~Beth ROBPI

I usually wait until they ask or if I need help with something that I can't do b/c of my arm or if I do something differently b/c of it. My injury isn't as obvious at first, unless I wear a tank top or bathing suit...

Good Luck!
Marieke, 32 LOBPI

I waited until we went somewhere where it might come up. Like the night we went to play pool together, it was actually our 1st alone date (the other dates were with a group) and since I know I don't look like everyone else when I use a pool cue, I thought it was now or never. I actually think that I told my ex-boyfriend the same way in high school.

-Traci

i've always told my friends upfront, always showed them how awkward it looks when i put my hand on my head. Now people ask me to 'do the arm thing' because we can all have a laugh, and my friends always want me to show their other friends... Some people are afraid of hurting me, but i tell them that im not that fragile. ive not found that special someone yet, but hope to soon. ive only had the experience with friends, and they all seem to be understanding.
~Mel

Thanks all

So far, so good. I'm dating a guy who it turns out has a bit of a nervous stutter (apparently I'm pretty intimidating - who knew!)... so we now have the added benefit of both being a little bit different

Cheers
Lacey
27yo ROBPI

Glad to hear things are working out Lacey. YAY!

Marieke 32, LOBPI