United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

So- I have had this injury from birth, obviously. My parents KNEW I had it...it was kinda hard to miss. However, they did nothing about it. I didn't even start physical therapy until I was 11yo. I am not upset about that at all.. I mean, part of it was that they didn't really know what surgical options there were out there. However...I am 24 yo- I have my own insurance, I live on my own with my 2 kids (middle of a divorce) I take care of everything alone. I rarely ask them for anything.

However they are SO unsupportive of me getting any type of surgery done. When I got the tendon transfer in my lower arm, they tried to talk me out of it the night before- I was still married and with my ex (I actually found out the day after surgery that he had been cheating...it sucked, but I'm fine now)

That surgery went so well, I am pleased with the results and THEY can see what a big difference it has made, yet they will not say a positive thing about it. My next surgery is going to be rougher, but I am still doing it. I NEED to. And yet they still refuse to support any decisions I make. They keep trying to talk me out of it saying that I won't be able to do it alone.
Well,,,, they had 18 years to fix my arm, and they didn't. So now as an adult I am choosing to. Why can't they support me in that??
I mean if I can gain some movement and ROM in my arm and improve my life, WHY can't they be happy for me and even offer to help with the post op days, or take the kids for me so I can rest and recover for a few hours?? I don't get it. They have seen how my life is...they KNOW that it means a lot to me. It's just frustrating.

Sorry to vent- I am just frustrated tonight!

Katy,
I am the mother of a nine year old, Brandon with a ROBPI. He has had two suregeries, and hopefully, we are done, however, if he chose to have surgeries done after he turned 18 I would have to support him no matter what,it is his life.

My God daughter had lap band surgery last January, I was supportive 100% although I was totally against it. For the one and only reason if you have not fixed the reason that you have a "OVER EATTING" problem than when you have lap band, it becomes a different addiction, I.E. Alcohol and/or drugs. Six months later, we found it is the slcohol.

I have parents alot like yours, they don't want to see me hurting, they don't want to see me upset, so they want me to live in a bubble. But I just do what I do and don't look to them for support. Good Luck on your upcoming surgery, and I know MILITARY WIVES/ex wives, I was one twice(I didn't learn)you can do it by yourself, we all figure out a way don't we?

Good Luck and Keep Smiling

Gayle mom to Brandon 9 ROBPI


Message was edited by: brandonsmom

Katy, I have a totally different take on your situation. Very different from Gayle's thoughts on why your parents don't support you. First, you need to look at how your parents interact together, which one is the strongest, who makes the final decisions in their lives, who needs, and I mean, really needs to be in control. Catching my drift?

Many times a needy, controlling parent will convince the spouse that they are right no matter what. Let's say this was your Mom perhaps, and she did this with your Dad. The motive behind it is to keep you in a needy position throughout your life. It makes a lot of sense when you make noise about getting yourself fixed and they protest about it, they become afraid you won't need them anymore. It doesn't matter if right now they don't do a whole lot for you and your kids, because it's the emotional aspect, not the doing for you.

Wendy

Hey Katy,
Are your parents just scared? I know my mom really didnt want me to have this last surgery especially since I made the decision right as the doctor offered me the option. it just sounded so right to me and my mom was scared to death as this was by far my biggest surgery. She was even telling me that I could change my mind if I wanted to right up until the morning of surgery. This is a mom that has supported my choice for surgery 4 other times for my bpi and 2 non related surgeries. This one was different though, it scared her.
I am 100% pleased with this surgery and am super glad I trusted my gut feeling, I am not going to say that I wasnt nervous for it, I was but it just felt like the right thing to do.

You will know and you are the only one that will know if this is the right time and surgery for you! your parents might just be very scared for you that something might go wrong, surgery is risky! Any major medical procedure like that is.

Your parents may come around after surgery and they may not but you can do anything you set your mind to! even with 2 small children, I know you can!

Good luck in whatever you decide!
Hugs,
Amy 20 years old ROBPI from MN

I am not exactly sure what their deal is. I think maybe it's because I went 24 years without surgery and was fine. Then I decide that I wanted to get the tendon tranfer in my lower arm. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect so I did have to adapt to a lot of things...but it all worked out. I know this surgery is a bigger one. I think they mght be a little scared, but that's no reason to not support me. When I had the capsule release in my bpi shoulder last month they were EXTREMELY unhappy. They didn't offer any support. Heck- I was taking care of my kids 4 hours after surgery. Not fun, but I got through it.

I know that they are against unneeded surgeries (aka non-life threatening situations) but even though this is not life threatening, it is still important to me. They don't understand because they don't live with an arm like this. Truly, I didn't know any different until I got the tranfer in my lower arm...since it was such a success, I am wondering WHY I haven't done my shoulder yet LOL! I hope that makes sense.

I got through that last one all by myself. In fact, I went through a painful seperation and having to find a job, house, and daycare and dealing with the emotional trauma of a cheatin spouse all at the same time. I handled that and am okay.

If there was an easier way to get this procedure done, I would! I have even put it off for almost a year because I wasn't ready for it. Now I am and I wish they would just support my decision.

ooooh parents! LOL They still make me feel like a little kids sometimes!

Katy,

You go girl! Go do what you think is best for your arm and if your parents can't wrap their minds around it - that's ok. You're taking care of yourself and that's just wonderful! People in here understand you - we'll support you! People on the outside sometimes just don't get it and that's ok, too - you can't expect them to get it - they have no idea what it's like!

big hugs,
francine