United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Remember me, My name is Cristina and I once posted a question about handling relationships. Well I am devasted my 9 year boyfriend has left me for someone else and it hurts like no other pain I have ever endured. and of course I blame everything on my arm because I couldn't be open about my disability for 9 years I always hid I never talked to his family about it I always thought that it would be better that way everytime I would meet his friends I felt less of a person although I have a profession. I have always been worried about what other people think. I have never been happy with myself. I just wish I was normal and this had never happened to me.

Christina,
I emailed you.

HUGS,
Carolyn J

Christina,
I am so sorry to hear this!!! I have often wondered about relationships too as I havent has any serious relationships. I am still trying to accept that I cant let this injury rule my life in the dating world. But so far, it is winning. I guess I dont really have anything helpful to tell you since I havent had a serious relationship. But I am so very sorry to hear that this has happened to you!
I wish you the best of luck getting through this and that the right guy finally does come along and that you are comfortable enough to be completely open with him and his family/friends.
many hugs coming your way!!!
Amy 20 years old ROBPI from MN

Cristina,

I sent you an e-mail.

Joanie

When I was younger I remember I didn't want people to know I was different. No one can tell I have an OBPI unless I pointed it out. But once i got older and was open about it I realized that most people really don't care.
I think its ok to have insecurities about our arms, because most non-BPI people have insecurities about their bodies too. I think the trick is not letting it get to you too much, which can sometimes be easier said than done.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but try to hang in there, and try to remember all the good things about your self.
Becky

Christina
I e-mailed you and hope that you will soon be feeling better. Take it one day at a time. Never let your arm define you.

Kath robpi/adult

Cristina,
There is a lengthy discussion of our(OBPI's)Self Esteem Issues somewhere on this, the adult mesage Board. I'll try to find the Topic Thread and bump it up for you.

I'm praying for you ,
Carolyn J
LOBPI/69

Wow Christina, I am very sad and upset for you and with you.
My name is Scott I don't remember you mostly because I am all too often lost in cyberspace. In between message boards and one finger surfing the internet and only then for particulars then I'm gone. I don't stay in any one place for long and when I do and when I post I try to make it worthwhile if not a bit tongue and cheek. I try not to be serious about things I can not control. Anyway I felt I should offer up a males' ...whatever it is I'm about to offer.
I am sad you have felt that 'this' was something to hide as if you were ashamed of 'this' or yourself. You didn't ask for 'this'. You certainly didn't go out on the street and solicit 'this' like it were a drug or something else. To have been in a relationship as you were for nine years shows some kind of moxie. I'm willing to bet that you weren't lax in your part of that relationship either. That you carried your own weight and then some because I know from trying to keep a stable, clean, supplied and stocked household for my seventeen year old son and myself I know nothing is easy for us. Normal you say? You were born with 'this' weren't you? How in the heck could 'this' be anything but normal for you? I've heard it said 'tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.' Or was it 'better to have played football and lost....? I don't know were I was going with this but I do know that for 51 years I was left handed and now I'm right. So how can that be wrong? You mention you have a profession... well one year after I retired from civil engineering, I had a fight with spider and lost. A lot. But what I gained is a new sense of courage. I read more and more about this particular sense courage every time I log into this site and I read how you guys have modified water-ski harnesses and motorcycles and the lot and carry onward and upward with your lives. I've never read a thing, not even a mention of how somebody hid 'this' this way or that. I feel saddened every time I learn of our newest member to the club. The club that no one wants to be a member of.
So Christina that in a nut shell from an original nut is why I am sad for you and upset with you. I sure hope you've pulled your bootstraps up dusted yourself off and got back on that horse. Huh?

See ya down the road a piece.
Scott

Christina,

I cannot understand entirely as I am not you. But if you can believe it, I know where you're coming from. while I never intentionally hid my injury - I never really acknowledged it. When your father screams at you to stop showing weakness, to never cry, and never show pain...you tend to not tell people about the injury. I'm 23 now and for literally the first time in my life I'm dealing with emotions I've stored up for just as long. While my boyfriend is supportive, he cannot truly understand. He can be there, but he cant feel the way I feel. We're working on that.

I'm so sorry to hear that you were left for another woman, but most of us have been there too...It sucks to think it may have been over your arm...but after nine years of "your arm"...I dont think that'd be the case, do you? But as they all said - we tend to have self esteem issues, etc. And as you said, not wanting to talk about it ever with him and just keeping "it" hidden.

Understandable.

I cant offer any advice or life changing words. I havent had the privelage of even having a relationship last more than a year and even with someone that was truly "great".

I figure we get there eventually though.

what does Dori say? "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

I wish you all the best in the world. Take it one day at a time. Think of this as a new start and a YOU that doesnt need to hide your arm.

Caiti (23 ROBPI)

How are you doing, Cristina?
Thinking of you .

((((HUG))))
Carolyn J