United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

hi all. i wanted to get my feelings out a little. i'm really feeling down the past week. i cantv stop thinking i have to be like this the rest of my life. it kills me to see my wife have to do so much and i feel so useless.i cant sleep i dont want to eat i'm drowning in my self pitty.i have alot of suicidal thoughts but i know i could never do that to my family. i have three kids ages 10, 5, and 3 and i used to do so much with them but everytime i try to do things now its such a struggle it gets me more depressed. i'm sorry if this is depressing anyone else but i dont know what to do. i'm 33 yr old male with trbpi to right side dominant arm. i know there is always hope but i dont know how to put that hope in my mind.i feel so weak when i break down and cry uncontrollably in my wifes arms. i know i have to be strong for my family but i cant seem to find the strenth lately. i am 4 months post injury and 1 month post surgery. i really felt good before the surgery but afterward when dr.zager said i would never get my hand back it crushed me. the thing is i dont have any avulsions should i take this for an answer? he did sural nerve grafts for posterior and lateral cords but did nothing to medial cord. the op report does'nt even mention the medial cord or the c8 t1 spinal nerves. i dont see him till next week so i will have alot of questions for him. thank you for letting me vent.
god bless
jim fay

Hey Jim... I can totally understand the DEPRESSION... believe it or not, some can't! I was soooo depressed, suicide used to be a challenge for me, I used to think of it quite often. Now it seems so long ago! Best thing I ever did was to see a shrink!! Some people will disagree there but it took a huge load off my shoulders! I was having issues with things that I COULD fix that I didnt even realize were hindering me!! I am 26 and have no kids so in the respect, Im a bit different. I did however have 2 great nefews, now 3, who really look up to me and LOVE to come and visit... they understand that sometimes my "bad arm" hurts and we have to take a break... they are getting very good, they even tend to forget that I have it anymore! haha You have to try and find things that you CAN do that you still ENJOY doing... these things all help with the depression... hell take some "happy pills" if ya want... I Did for a while! And Im not ashamed either! We do what we have to do at the time right??

I think most would agree that times helps with this injury forsure... helps with understanding it, dealing with it, the pain, and the outcomes too! Time is your best friend as well as your worst enemy!!

Keep posting, keep your head up! If you need to chat, shoot me an email at courtney@ubpn.org and Ill give you my cell...
COurtney

Jim,
I don't know if I can offer a lot of help, but I can tell you that your in the early stages of this injury and for me that was the worst. I had an injury and a newborn to take care of and I was always breaking down and sobbing. It was really hard and I was depressed too. You'll make it and learn to deal with it. It just takes some time. Don't worry about not being able to do as much with your kids. They'd rather have their Dad, period. That means just being there even if you are not being able to do the things you used to. You are there to support them as they grow up and that is the most important thing. Take care of yourself. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Michelle

thank you court, xiggers and michele for your replies. i am feeling better this week (mentally that is) i am actually going to talk to my priest tommorrow and going to see a psych on the 13th of july. i know i have to be strong for my family i cant let them see me giving up. so i am going to continue to fight the good fight and move on.i need to keep my mind on other things so i am going to go back to work on july 10. i was a union lineman in the electrical industry, cant do that no more, but my company is taking me back as a supervisor. i am very grateful. i will continue to post and i hope and pray everyone here is doing well. thank you so much for your replies, it really means alot and helps me with this.
god bless, jim

Hi Jim
I agree, the early days of tbpi are definitely the worst and some kind of mental health support can really make the difference. It seems odd that more bpi doctors don't pick up on this, because in my experience the depression was a lot more damaging than the useless arm. Some doctors just see the arm.

You will probably feel better when you return to work, it made all the difference for me and you will be amazed at how much you can do, and how valued you feel. I sympathise about parenting, and you've been given wise words here, which interestingly were the same words a young doctor gave me as I sat crying in hospital with my scary newborn in one arm. He said that the one thing kids need more than anything, and the thing that helps them make their way in the world more than anything is love from mum and dad. Your kids will get just what they need from you :0)
Take care and let us know how things go at work.
Jen NZ

Hi Jim,
I was just checking in to see how things are going with you. Did you start back to work? Is that working out ok for you?
Please give us an update when you have time.
Take care,
Michelle

hi michele. i am doing alot better mentally. a complete turn around i must say. i did go back to work and although it is a struggle sometimes it gives me a sense of accomplishment. i think i came to the point when i just said o.k if i get my arm back or some use out of it that would be great, but i'm not letting this destroy my life do you know what i mean? don't get me wrong i want in the worse way to recover from this, but life does go on with or without you. it feels good to be back in the workforce and providing for my family again. i'm still going to o.t. 2 days a week. (thats the only night hours they have)my next scheduled emg is in november.i am now 6 months post injury and 3 months post surgery. no changes to report of yet accept pain levels seem to be getting better. thank you for asking michele and i hope everything is going well for you and yours.
god bless,
jim trbpi

Maybe I can help? I was born in 1951 with sever ERBS, in my left , also my Crvical was broken and my left elbow was fractured my left elbow was fractured at birth to. I ended up in life using one arm, I end up in working as a city semi driver for over 20 yrs. I also am a Handicap Master Scuba with 500 dives, Please Ill Try to help, What cant you do with erbs arm? The hope comes by accomidation. What Type of work did you do? Just ask Tom, There is way more felling of hope when you find a path to follow!! I learn this all my life.

Jim,
Just today I learned the exact name of this
37 year old injury of my right arm and hand. Thank God it is still there as it makes me look normal....most of the time. For the most part, I have adjusted so wonderfully. But depression has it way of creeping in at times.
I am so excited to read concerns people have about their lives regarding these type injuries. For 37 years, I had no one.
I instantly feel your pain and can barely read your message as tears hang on the edge of my eyelids.
You know what I still dream of ? Just to have to strength to make a proper handshake. I am a professional. An educator.It's ackward getting thru life in a country that uses the right hand to shake.
Today I was searching for a doctor, a lead, a surgeon, some hope of a study, or a research team I could be part of.......yes, even after 37 years.
I laugh, dance, sing, joke, garden, use computer, ride a Harley (I hold on....but in my next life I will own my own bike
If you have someone who holds you when you cry....you are blessed beyond measures.

When I was only 14.......I had a pillow to hold ..FILLED WITH SILENT TEARS.
I would love to continue chatting with you as it is continued spiritual healing for myself.
Peace,
Nelda

Jim,

you are young and there are many working to cure your injury. prof geoffrey raisman in england for one. he is going to trials soon. hang in there