End of year humor, Non BPI

[jeni]

A good friend sent me this..I got a kick out of it, so I thought I would "forward" to my BPI friends..
Remember in the new year to take time and Laugh!!
(I'm trying to learn again, it's my new years resolution)......................
Jeni
mom to katie, 4 LOBPI(A)

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. (well not quite)

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the 15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician

Sincerely,

Your E-Mail Buddy

[momofnickelman]

Dear Jeni...I love your humor! That was great! The sad part is some of my family have fallen for these "urban legends". I had my sister-in-law email me about getting a free gift certificate for Applebees because she knew someone that knew someone who recieved one! Happy New Year to you and your family.

[marieke]

A friend of mine is from the Philipines and she is new to Canada, she got sent a wholelist of these urban legends and she trully believed every single one of them. She then forwarded the email to EVERYONE she knew (in both countries). I and another friend emailed her back, saying she had been had, that they were all lies... poor girl, she felt silly. But now she knows!
Marieke