United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

My husband has always known that I have OBPI. When we've discussed jobs he acnowledges that I would never be able to do the kind of labor intensive work that he does due to it. However, the last few months as my pain increases and my ability decreases it's as though saying I have OBPI is just an excuse. He doesnt seem to take my issues seriously. When I have been in severe pain and asked for a bit more help he gets huffy and asks what I'm going to do when he goes to bed or work or what not. I very seldom complain about pain or weakness and it has to be pretty bad for me to ask for help and yet he acts as if it's a monor twinge that I'm suffering for. He also doesn't understand all this "fuss" about getting a doctor to help or finding a specialist. How do I get him to understand what is going on and be a little more sympathetic?

I think because we "look" normal and have always been able to compensate around so many of life's difficult tasks people forget.
Once my husband become more involved with UBPN, with me, he had a greater awareness.
I think after the first picnic he realized what my life was like, as a child, and how hard I worked to get were I am.
I also began to talk about my arm as I became more informed and educated regarding this injury.

I hate to say this but when we are new parents we really have a great deal of adjusting to do...
I can't imagine how much more adjusting a couple must do when you have twins.
No matter how many times I explained my arm to my husband when we were young...
I don't think he truly understood.
I just had to make up my mind to ignore any sign of annoyance when I could not do something... LOL...
Of course, he might disagree if he was reading this... LOL..

Just last year one of my cousins (we are close) asked why I was talking about my birth injury now.
She said I was cured years ago and it was never a problem for me before.
She thinks all of the problems I am having now are "NEW".
She never noticed how I held or fed my kids.
I guess I never said anything because I assumed they understood somethings were harder for me.
Now I realize no one ever realized any of the difficulty I faced when doing ordinary things.

Kath

Christina -
I certainly can identify with getting your husband to understand your pain. I can't imagine how you get through it with twins!
Kath is totally right. We spend most of our life trying (and succeeding!) to prove to ourselves and others that we can find our own way of accomplishing what we need. We downplay the pain. I finally had to actually sit down with my husband and tell him, that, although he can be very helpful and supportive, I sometimes need more help than I ask for; especially now that I'm older and have more pain.
My family has always been supportive, but it wasn't until this summer when my daughter went with me to the BPI Clinic in Chicago to meet Dr. Nath, that anyone in my family totally realized what I have been and still am going through. My daughter has almost become over-protective of my arm now!
I guess you somehow need to get this across to your husband. Sometimes we just have to be more assertive about our needs; and that's VERY hard to do. But you are still young. I'd hate to see you get older, and, like me and many others, realize that you have used your BPI arm incorrectly, and have completely over-used your good arm.
I know you'll find a way. Don't be afraid to speak up!
Hang in there!
Cyndi

Sorry, I keep getting errors when I try to log in.
My family has never been supportive. I get dirty looks if I ask someone to change a lightbulb.
I wish I could tie my husband and childrens arm down and do--a day in the life of.
I don't think anyone realizes how much they use BOTH arms and hands.
For instance--if I have to put something on a shelf and can't reach, I boost it with my good arm and support it with my head.
I use one hand to wash my hair.
When I had carpal tunnel surgery on my good hand, I couldn't even pull up my pants --much less wipe myself. I took a lot of showers and wore nightgowns a lot.
How about pants with a side zipper. Can't wear them--Or a back zipper.
What about an itch that two armed people can reach?
Overuse, spinal disorders . Scoliosis. the list never ends
Any other opinions?
Thanks for letting me vent.
Pat