United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

My almost 3yr old daughter wont sit on the potty. She had been interested in the potty for months and often did "go" on the potty but it was very sporatic. I initially ( for about 4 months) decided to take the "follow her lead approach" and not push it but we are 5 weeks away from pre-school and she has to be trained. Today we started potty training boot-camp and took diapers away, got dora undies and put her on the potty every hour or so. Now she refuses to even sit on the potty. 5 accidents later...No incentives are working. Any advise?

PS...she is my bpi child but can get pants and undies up and down that is why i said non bp.

Try a sticker chart or M&M treats for rewards for "going on the potty". Don't pressure, but at the start of a new day, tell her this is how it will be .... (hang up a sheet of paper above the toilette and keep stickers ready). Every time she goes on the potty, you place a sticker on the sheet. When the sheet is filled, she gets a "reward" of something you agree on. In the inbetween time, one M&M (or whatever a 'treat' may be) for going on the potty is a must...plus boasting to everyone about how she is "a big girl now and goes on the potty"--so she can hear you! Praise goes a long way.
My sister use to sing a song to her daughter's while potty training--I'll spare you the lyrics, but it seemed to work!

Peggy

What about reverse psychology. I know my 2 1/2 year old responds to that if other methods don't work. Say something like, well, I don't know if you are big enough to sit on the potty yet or I think you must have forgotten how to sit on the potty so I guess you can't use it yet. It can sound a bit harsh on paper, but it's how you say it with accenting certain words and with a smile. It seems to work at times for my daughter and now she is trained except for an occassional accident which is usually when I'm not near a bathroom and didn't offer it to her when we were near one before leaving on a trip.

Good luck.

Tanya in NY
(Amber's Mom, ROBPI, 2 1/2 years)

One of the things that worked for us in this situation is using the line, "Now you don't want to be the only one in preschool who doesn't use the potty, do you? Everybody else will be using the potty, and you'll be the only one in diapers."

I did this with Danny (LOBPI) who was also really hard to train, like yours. Both he and his older sister, at 3, were absolutely determined NOT to go on the potty. It's a control thing. NOTHING worked to convince them.

Yet once they started preschool and saw that everyone else was going, BOOM! that's all it took to end the diapers and Pull-ups. You may experience that same thing.

Good luck to you! I know it's frustrating ...
Janet

I just had a conversation about potty-training yesterday. The mom told me that her 3 /2 y.o. daugher, who was very advanced in other areas, refused to potty train and as soon as she'd get off the potty, she go in her panties. So, the dr. suggested that she let her keep the wet panties on all day, even if she got a rash, just so she wouldn't want to do it again. So, hesitantly, the mom tried it and told her daughter that she was not going to change her panties if she went in them and that she'd have to wear them all day. Sure enough, she wet her panties and had to wear them all day. Her mom said that she felt so bad and that she got red, but it worked. I'm not suggesting or recommending this, just sharing what worked for a friend of mine.

~Tina

my son, almost 4, was potty trained over a year ago. he went to my mom's for an overnight stay and had an accident. at that point, she told him that he wasn't ready anyway and put a diaper on him. for the past year i have been struggling with him, especially knowing that he was supposed to start pre-K, but only IF he was FULLY POTTY TRAINED! i started freaking out! all he would tell me was, "mema says i'm not ready!" i tried to explain to him that that was a year ago and it was time and he was ready.

well, one day i took all his diapers and hid them in my daughter's room and put underwear on him and told him he was to do pee in the potty from now on. he did pretty good that day, maybe an accident or 2, but we kept it consistant, NO MORE DIAPERS, and he's been real good for about a month now. i did buy pull ups and i do put them on him during his nap and at night.

funny thing happened today. i picked him up from my mom's today, not realizing he had big boy underwear on and put him down for a nap. he woke up 2 hours later still dry!!!

so a long story short, don't push it! it will happen when she's ready.

i did notice with andrew that he had his accidents when he was totally into something. i just remind him every 1/2 hour or so. i also moved his potty seat around to each room he was in, just in case.

just to let you know, a parent at my daughter's gym class overheard me say that to my son one day and called child services on me for abuse. child services came to my house, made me call my hubby to come home early, interviewed all of us, including my son, 3 1/2, who was just potty training and had an accident at the gym class. they also did a physical on my son from head to toe, privates and all, to make sure he wasn't being abused. i have never left my children in a dirty diaper or underwear, and i thank my lucky stars that i didn't because my son might not be with us today.

and to make things even harsher, that kind of abuse is considered one of the highest flags of abuse. NJ has a grading system. depending on the severity, depends on the time it takes child services to visit your house. this type of abuse is graded so sever that they were at my house within 2 hours of the phone call.

on a happy and sad note, the guy did leave here and apologize for wasting my time. unfortunately, while he was at my house, another child was out there being abused.

my second post was a reply to tina's post

Wow, I never even thought of all that. I guess b/c it's something I never would've even thought of doing. The child I was posting about is about 30 now, so I guess things were a lot different then! Wonder what child svcs would say if a dr. was the one who recommended it. LOL! Thanks for posting that info.

Nicole is 6 and had an accident the other day when we were camping. We were in the bathroom, but she still didn't make it in time. I got so upset b/c we were only in the bathroom b/c I suggested going, she hadn't even mentioned the need to me. So I washed her panties and had her just wear her pants, which were baggy enough to have stayed dry. Then, I had her carry her panties back to our campsite. I could tell she was embarrassed b/c she scrunched them up so small to fit them inside the palm of her hand so no one could see them.

~Tina

aww, it must have been embarrassing for her, but maybe now she'll remember. kids just get so caught up in what they are doing that accidents will happen. i guess my son's big test will be in a few weeks when he starts pre-K. he's been pretty good so far, so i'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

christine