United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Sorry moms I needed to vent to the only people that I know understands where I am coming from!!
Kelsey started piano lessons on Tuesday, I figured this would be a better start from where we went with gymnastics a few years ago!! ((( bad mistake))) so I go to pick Kelsey up and the teacher comes out to the van, (after I have already gone over with her about Kelseys left bpi) and lets me know that Kelsey can not keep her elbow down to her side while she has her hands on the keys ( no kidding) anyways tells me that we need to work on that at home and she will work in it during her lessons!!!! HELLO!!! she can not keep her elbow down, and this woman can not fix this!! I didn't get angry at her, I held my tongue, I did however remind her of Kelsey's injury and that she was in physical therapy twice a week and she had already gone through surgery to work on the arm, but this is just not anything she can fix and I didn't want Kelsey to have any negative attention towards this!! I told her that if she felt like she couldn't be a piano teacher with her than maybe we should try somewher else, problem is like with gymnastics we live in a small community and there is now where else!!! within 2 hours from us!!! Kelsey was turned away a few years back from gymnasics because the instructor did not have the time to deal with her "arm" and would get mad at her for not being able to do with it what "she" the insructor wanted!! after the second lesson I took her out, had a few words with the insructor (in private) and never went back.. so I fear that where we live that Kelsey has nothing she can do that people wont be on her butt all the time because she doesn't have a totaly normal use of her arm!!! Heck even her P.E coach at school can be a butt sometimes, he got mad at her for not being able to hold up 20 push ups and picked her up off the ground by putting his hands under her arm~pits!! this was only a few months after her mod~Quad surgery!!! and what is wrong with these people that can make them so blind to the needs of a child? I just knew before she started that this may not be a good thing now I am feeling guilty for even putting Kelsey in lessons!!
I should just keep her home and take the lessons myself and teach her alone!! I really do think this is more of a posture think other than a ability to do this? maybe not I have never learned to play, and just typing now and holding my elbow up is pretty hard to do!! but people that are blind can play and people with out arms can be in gymnastics in some bigger towns!!!!
Well I am sorry, I have just gone on and on over this and next Tuesday I will have in hand some information out on paper about this injury for her and I hope she can find the time to read it!! next it will probably be she needs more $ to teach Kelsey!!! Oh dear!!
Good night all and take care ~ Denise

Denise, I can really understand your frustration and feel for you. Give yourself a pat for holding your tongue and not lashing out. I have encountered quite a few people with the same attitude. I am not sure if they just simply don't get or just don't want to get it. It sounds like your town could really use a good dose of awareness. In your situation, I think my first thought would be to just pull Kelsey out and not subject her to people like that, but really it's the people like that that need to change, not Kelsey. You also don't want to send the message to her to just give up and quit, when things become challenging. Maybe you and Kelsey together can show this instructor her range and arm positioning limitations and ask her if she could manage to let Kelsey find her own arm position, then take the lessons from there. I guess if she is not open to this idea, then really she is the one with limitations and Kelsey would be better with someone else. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Julie Wolfgram

Denise,
I honestly think it is because they do not understand. To us the injury is so apparent but most people do not even notice it. And I have found that it is extremely difficult to explain quickly. People would understand if we had no function, but having some function and being able to adapt and function normally in society makes it more difficult for others to understand.

This story will date me, but you all know I'm 48 anyways so what does it matter! In high school I took a typing class. My teacher was a neighbor who knew me well and understood completely and helped me learn how to adjust. It looked strange but I leaned how to type with my bpi hand moving over the keys and not the fingers and of course I had to hike up/compensate with the shoulder. I cannot tell you how many times her suprervisor would come in and criticize me and her for not typing properly. No matter how many times I explained I COULD NOT do it he still did not get it.

I realized then that it was a losing battle and he was not worth the battle. I got an A in typing by the way!

Lay people understand complete paralysis, they don't understand partial paralysis and esp. don't get how a muscle can work somewhat and why with determination and will and all that therapy we have why we can't get it to work.

So my advice would be to give this teacher one more shot, bring in that written information and if she does not get it, well there are other teachers out there.

Good luck and keep us updated.
Nancy

Hi Denise,

Sorry to hear of your frustration with the piano teacher. I am hopeful that after presenting her with some more information and reminding her of Kelsey's situation that she will be able to adapt. If not, as others have said, it is her shortcoming, not Kelsey's! Gosh, I had some really mean piano teachers when I was a kid, I hope this one is nicer. Ian has been taking keyboarding lessons, and I have been really pleased with the way his teacher has adapted to teaching him...so there are good teachers out there, I hope your current teacher turns out to be one of them!!

Best of luck, keep us posted.

Bridget