United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

just wondering- still trying to sort all this out. In delivery they held me off on pushing until the doctor got there, which by the way is sooo hard when your body is telling you to push!!! Just wondered if this could have caused stress on my baby's shoulder or if it was all to do with the shouder dystocia and what the OB did to deliver her. I also had a premature urge to push and I kept thinking "did I push when i wasn't supposed to?", but I think that's not the case because the injury didn't happen until her shoulders were delivered and by then I was supposed to push. Right? Just a little episode of blaming myself, along with "if I hadn't let her go post-term" which I also know is nonsense because she was only 7lb9oz, therefore not at risk for size. So I know I need to stop doing this (blaming myself)but I'm sure we all go thru this trying to figure out what happened stuff....Just need some reassurance!

Oh Anna, I did this for so long.. how old is your little one?
I myself, use to take blame for Kelseys injuries and had almost the same thoughts as you are having..
My Kelsey is now 9 yr old but up until she was almost 8 yr old I blamed myself because I didn't know anything about this injury ( my doctor didn't want me to)
when I did start to learn about this injury and that Kelsey wasnt the only child born like this, is only when I started to realize that It is not the mothers fault!!
I realize that years ago when mothers had their babies at home, this still then was not their fault this is a nauture of birth...
but now with us going to the doctor and having the technology that they have now there is NO reason in the world any child should be born with this injury!!! each child with shoulder dystocia should never be born naturally!!!!
I myself with Kelsey didn't have the urge to push by the time she was finally down into the birth canal ( 7 hours after I was fully dilated and with the nurses pushing her down) then her shoulders being to big to pass!!
But I did however have a child already, and with her (my first child) I did have the urge to push and the nurses telliing me to stop so I know the part of your body just taking over and doing what is only natural...
but this had nothing to do with your chld being born with the injury ( I dont feel like) I really hope you start to heal yourself and not to lay blame on you!!
I have noticed with the women that I have spoke to with bpi children that we all seem to be strong.. and I do not believe that if this has had to happen, that God wont give us the strength to do as we need to do and be a good parent for our children.
I do know that you being here is a good start on healing and I sure hope you find it...
Take care and many blessings to you and each moma and child.
(sorry I know your post was for Francine but I had to respond I felt for you) ~ Denise

Ok I guess your post wasnt just for Francine, that was Bonnies... Oops sorry take care ~ Denise

Anna,

We all go through stages of guilt. I was deadset on blaming myself about the complete scenerio until I read Dr. O'Leary's book on Shoulder Dystocia. It was then that I realized that what happened had a name, and that there were risk factors (and I had most of them) and that there were specific techniques used to deal with this issue. They used to have a website but it seems to have been eaten by a virus and it's not back up yet. But I highly recommend the book.

In the meantime, read what I have on this site:

http://www.injurednewborn.com

and then click on the link for Resources and on the right hand side close to the top you will see a link to a report written by Dr. O'Leary - on causation. It'll be an eye opener as well.

I'm hoping that reading this will help you find a way to shift your guilty feelings.... You have enough pressure on your back right now, you certainly don't need the guilt on top of it.

Big hugs,
francine

ps to get the book - here's the link to our Awareness bookmark...it's on there

http://ubpn.org/awareness/A2001bookmark.pdf

Hi Anna,
I have a three year old her name is Ashley & I went through all that too...except I would say Well what if this or what if that inside my head all the time....I also had a touch of PPD after Ashley cause I felt so bad that it was something I did or didn't do. The more research I did the more certain I became that it wasn't my fault. Every now & than I get a little bummed out but now its because I see my little girl having to work so much harder than other children her age to do the things she wants to do something so simple as to securing her paper that she's coloring on.
But even that doesn't linger much anymore...I'm just happy that there are surgeries out there that have brought her so far & that I'm grateful for. I guess what I'm saying is to know there are moms & dads out there who feel the same as you & its okay & it DOES get better....I Promise. Melissa