United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

My son started Kindergarten this year and we are encountering problems. He is very high functioning
despite his right obpi. I observe him comparing himself with other kids and having a high degree of
frustration. Things like jumping jacks, pledge to the flag, etc. are things he can do but are so much harder for him. I feel like he is feeling very self-conscious. He also feels like the teacher does not like him which does not help. I've tried talking with the teacher but I'm not feeling successful. Does anyone out there have any experience with this? I feel like Andrew is becoming more self-aware of this and is not coping well. I am feeling like I have missed something in equipping him for this. He had no troubles in preschool and we did not anticipate so much trouble. Thanks - sorry so long

Barbara,

Has your son ever met other kids with bpi? We go to as many bpi gatherings as we can so that our daughter now has a peer group of other kids with bpi. I think that alone has helped her so much with self esteem, etc.

If you are not already doing so, I highly recommend that you volunteer for different jobs in the classroom? It will give you the chance to see it all in action and will give you a great understanding of the classroom dynamics and how the teacher handles things.

Best of luck,
I really hope the school year gets better for your son.

wow, that's a tough one.

My child has learning differences and we've called that to the teacher's attention (explained how she learns best) and have also given our daughter some words and phrases to use that remind the teacher of those differences...teaching her to say "I can't recall the word right now" (which is her problem)rather than saying "I don't know" (which is NOT her problem, but is easier to say and tends to relay a different message to the teacher). We are lucky, because her teacher is totally willing to help us...but she is only in preschool so next year when she starts kindergarten it could be a whole new ballgame.

In terms of noticing physical differences, we haven't come across this yet...but at the Kindergarten level I would hope that the teacher understands the importance of developing self-esteem and would incorporate enough activities that your child will be successful in without feeling overly challenged (maybe the PT could talk to the teacher about other physical activities that your child might be really good in).

That said, it kind of sounds like your kindergarten teacher is somewhat inflexible and judgemental in which case the above suggestion wouldn't work. So I see the choices as find a new teacher (easier said than done), or work really hard to help your child deal with one of these harsh life lessons so that his self-esteem stays in tact. I would think that involvement in physcial activities outside of school where he can feel successful and not self-conscious might build enough self-esteem to carry over into the classroom. Lots of discussions with your child on people's differences and that everyone has limitations and things they excel in might help as well.

One of the big benefits that I see of the PT and OT sessions is that both my children see a lot of kids with different disabilities and we take the opportunity to discuss them...from severe disabilities with kids in wheelchairs, to even people (like myself) who wear glasses. I try to make sure we talk about a wide range of differences, things that might be major and things that might just be minor to hopefully get the point across that people come in all types of packages and can or cannot do a wide range of things, and it is okay to have different abilities.


Like I said, we're not at the same stage that your son is though and when we are there I might think back at these own suggestions that I've given and realize "wow, what was I thinking that advice is soo off-base"...but these are the thoughts I have now.

It is frustrating when we begin to notice the difference. You can't tell a child that they are not different because that is not the truth. You can tell them they can do what ever they put their mind to, they just have to find "their" own way of doing it.
I was never allowed to say "I can't" because my mother would answer "can't means you won't". To this day I never think I can't do something. I look at all new things as a challenge and wonder can I do it. My mother encouraged this type of positive thinking at a very early age and it was a gift because I have tried so very many things, crafts, pottery,sewing and sports just to see if I could.

I suggest you get your Outreach together and bring them to the teacher. Ask her to read them so that she can get a better grip on this injury. It might help her to understand that somethings are just harder for us and given time we will do it but we must do it differently.

good luck
Kath

Hello,
My son went to kindergarten last year. He did great in Pre K. His Kindergarten teacher was very unflexable at first. She was sending him to the principals office mostly because he was frustrated and did not know how to voice correctly. His teacher practically failed him the first semester. Well, it changed when we kept adding section 504 modifications and meeting with the principle. He also had sensory integration and that was adding to his frustration. He is now in 1st grade and is reading at a 3rd grade level and getting great grades. You have to constantly be on top of your sons teacher and if you are not satisfied there, go to the principal. Also my OT sent some papers in for the teachers especially gym. It does get better..

My son is in first grade. I had a stict kindergarten teacher but did fine. He too could not say the pledge with his hand over his heart, he couldn't walk down the hall with his hands on his hips. He has no 504 or IEP. HE is ROBPI. I explained the whole situation to him that he really doesn't know that his arm is any different than anyone elses. I never told him he couldn't do anything. She said that was fine.....she looked for him to do things his way, like when they walked down the hall he would hold his pant leg or she they said the pledge he would cross his arms across his chest....so he could hold the right arm down I guess. She would look and him, smile and wink....one day she called me at home......laughing.....I asked her what the problem was...she said a child asked my son what was wrong with his arm....my son replied..."NOTHING, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOURS" the little boy said, well yours looks funny, and my little one said" Well I think yours looks funny, mine has always looked like this" Kids will be kids, but find way for him to adjust. My sons PE teacher says that she doesn't care how he does things as long as he tries

Thank you to everyone who posted. I appreciate all the advice. I gave Andrew's teacher some information I gleaned from this website, then was glad to receive the latest issue of Outreach. I think she really didn't understand the severity of Andrew's condition and thought perhaps I was making excuses or exagerating or something. Having something more objective was really helpful. Sometimes, even after this much time, finding the right words to communicate about this is hard for me. I've already seen an improvement in Andrew's spirit - more at peace. Plus home for two weeks' vacation will help. For all of us. Will meet with principal in Jan. Thanks again for taking time to reply. It really meant a lot.

I can remember when I went through all of that as a child. I am a thirty four year old man now, but I can still remmeber the pain that the arm caused me as a kid.
Other kids and even teachers can be cruel. I hated a gym teacher because whenever I had to play basketball, which I was terrible at, he always divided us into two teams, "shirts" and "skins". He made it a point to put me on the skins team everytime so that my arm could flop for full effect and the other kids could get a good laugh at it.
Remember, just because an adult has a postion of responsibility, that doesn't mean that he or she is responsible.
If you feel that the teacher is not doing for your child like he or she should, don't hesitate to take it to a higher authority. Outrage and anger can work wonders if you apply them correctly.
I feel terrible for kids who have to go through this type of injury, for though I read from others how well they were respected and treated, I did not have that experience. I was treated terribly by some, and still face ridicule on occasion.

What is section 504 and how does it work? My daughter is having problems in 1st Grade.