some good news...not all guys are bad

[Carolyn J]

Dear Trooper,
I never meant to attack you(I do apologize if you felt that way), ...I just hoped to get you to think about yourself, i.e., self-confidence and or attitudes towards women. We cannot change the reality of our injuries, but we can change our Self- Confidence and Attitudes that may interfer with our social lives.
I wish you well,and all things good, in College and I do hope you'll continue to share with us your progress there.

<<<HUG)))
Carolyn J
LOBPI/over-aged and bossy sometimes

[TheTrooper]

Thanks hope, Carolyn J. and Kath.

Carolyn I can understand how you got the wrong idea in the first place but I have these self doubts that I never had in the past and have been dealing with them on a daily basis for years now.

I don't believe all girls are shallow I was saying that more because I was looking for someone to prove me wrong and tell me something to the contrary.

The problem is everytime I meet someone everything will go fine but everytime I want to to get close to them I have to tell them about my shoulder. I had buddies for years no joke they never knew. Everything is changing now and I know it wouldn't be like this without my injury.

I know that I can't dwell on it, and many times I say who gives a shit, if people dont like me for who I am then I don't care. Of course this doesn't last long when the long list of things that bug me racks up again.

Mostly because I am a sports guy, I know everything about football/hockey/baseball, I have played sports my whole life. Now people want me to go to baseball, hockey games, and concerts. I have avoided them recently because I can not put my left arm in the air and there is no way of hiding this.

This is the hardest thing I have ever written because this is my demon. My passion the thing I love doing the most watching/playing sports is the one thing that my injury hurts me in the most. The wave in baseball, goal/touchdown. When something powerful and good happens for your team everyone throws there arms in the air this is not cliche I feel it everytime and my arms wanna go up but the left one just can't and it just drives me insane. Concerts people have there arms locked up the whole time almost and that situation is my nightmare because I look weird one arm up.

Edit: I don't know if anyone cares about this but I'm gonna write this because I have to. I used to love to go to the beach and camping, now I'm not so sure. Last year I went camping and everything was cool until both my sisters boyfriends came up(younger and older). Great guys I get along with both of them, ya this is officially the hardest shit I've ever had to write because this is the most insecure I've ever felt. I'm not a bitch seriously I'm a tough dude no one would believe I wrote this. Well, there walkin around with shirts off I usually do to but I just realized how off I look. Everyone was playing badminton and I decided not to. My older sisters Bf didnt say anything but i could tell when we were throwing frizbee day earlier he knew and my sis must have told him. We were throwing for diving catches and he'd dive arms full out and I'd just dive with my right arm. I don't know how else to describe it but to say I felt like absolute shit nothing more nothing less. These guys should be looking up to me I'm taller then them and I should be setting an example, but no I barely went down to beach the last couple days.
All it took was a couple dudes my age around camping to make me feel like this and it's not their fault. I have a whole lot of this infront of me I already have buddies that have camping plans with me included.

As I typed this I deleted and re-wrote some stuff I just wanted to finally write what I am having a lot of trouble with and if anyone feels the same or has something to say that will help.


Message was edited by: TheTrooper

[hope16_05]

Brian,
I think its this age! I felt the same exact way as you are feeling right now a year ago. I stopped going out with my friends and stopped participating in activities I liked. I tried to hide my injury from every one.
But I just realized this year what a fool I have been. Why should I let that doctor who did this to me win again. I didnt do anything wrong he did! I realize that now and I have been able to work on my self confidence and in doing so, it got me a date with the best guy!

The things we think about hardly ever cross the mind of any of the people that we will meet. Brett didnt notice my arm for the first few weeks. He only figured it out because my roommate told him why I was in Florida...She said I was there for my arm thing...Hes like what arm thing? He didnt notice. Since though, we have been able to talk about it a lot and he is hugely impressed by the things that I do and how I have adapted.

When you finally get close to the right person, this should happen for you too. Someone told me a while back that our injury is a really good filter! Those that can get past the fact that we do things differently are the one we want to stick around.

Please try to work on you becoming emotionally healthy, set a goal for that and work towards it by not hiding your injury while doing an activity. For me, I chose karaoke because my sister was there to do it with me. Sounds like your older sister cares and would do something with you if it would help. They dont tell people to be mean, they do it to try and protect us.
Dont let this injury win and give up your dreams!
Good luck finding a great gal who is not so shallow that she cant see past your arm because I am sure you are a great guy that any lady would be lucky to have!
Hugs,
Amy 21 years old ROBPI from MN

[Carolyn J]

Dear Trooper,
Thank you for sharing what you did.
You are on a road to healing the more you can write/talk it out. The more the better.
YOur demons are ours too.
Amy is sooo on target!

((((HUGS)))) all around,
Carolyn J

[Kath]

Trooper

I hear you loud and clear!

I'm not sure why you are feeling so intimidated but it's normal for OBPI to go through these feeling.
I hope that helps you to understand that these feelings will come and go all your life.
There are times when we all hit bottom and then we bounce back.
I would have been more athletic if my arm was not injured.
I hate the wave and when I hear the song "Shout" ...
my blood pressure goes up.
It was years before I admitted it frustrated and annoyed me because I can't throw my hands up and "Shout".
Well, I want to shout but not the words to the song...LOL.

If it helps what your going through is NORMAL, we are different. We don't see others with the same problems and our injury is invisible until we try to do ordinary things.

Keep venting here and soon you will find some healing.
We understand and want to help you through this.

I've actually watched Amy come through her difficult years. It's been my pleasure to see her blossom and come into her own...
This was not easy for her but she has been determined not to let that doctor's mistake keep her from enjoying a full life.
Each time we give up something we love the doctor who caused this injury, hurts us again.
I hope you can join us for our next camp in 2009 it is so healing for us to meet others with our injury.

Kath robpi/adult


Message was edited by: Kath

[TheTrooper]

Thanks alot for your kind and wise words it means alot to me.

It's an up and down thing. Right now I feel good and I want to edit out that edit In my earlier post. I really wish I didnt put that in there but now I cant edit it.

It makes me look like a bitch whining about that theres alot people worse off then me and now I cant move it damnit. None of you should have had to read that useless information.

[Kath]

Trooper
Your new so you have not read many of our posts.
We all have our good and bad days... What better place to vent then here? We've have all been where you are now.
It's not something we forget and sometimes we even go back to these feelings vent and move on.
We can do that because we have other people who really understand and have lived with our unique frustrations.

Your still new to all this information and it can really knock us for a loop.
Please remember no one here will judge you!
We share the same challenges and have had the same frustrations.
Now we have people who understand and we can share our joys and our frustrations.
Believe me when I tell you this comes and goes...
Being in our twenties, I think is very difficult, we're considered grown ups but still don't know where we're going or wonder "Now what"...

I thought you could edit your old posts...
I guess I'm wrong.

Kath robpi/adult

[TinaT]

Brian,

I am coming in late to this conversation, and normally at this point I would leave it to the "big guns". They are so much more eloquent then I.

BUT, something you said caught my eye, and I just HAVE to respond, because I can relate with your feelings even after 52 years. I am BiOBPI, so yes, both my arms have problems. After living with this all my life most things in life I can just adapt with and or shrug off as not being able to do. Then again, being from the "real" ROCK CONCERT ERA, I KNOW ABOUT putting your hands in the air and waving/feeling/experiencing the music !!!!!!!!

Well, I'd LIKE to know anyway ! It was so weird to me that you mentioned that because it is the silliest thing (TO ME) to be upset about at this stage of my life, and nothing pisses me off more then when EVERYONE has both their hands in the air and I have one...Kind of hahaha I'm not laughing at you or making light of your feelings by any means. On the contrary, I KNOW what your feeling, I guess I'm just saying FEEL IT, find a way to DEAL W/IT, and then get over it or let it go to the point where you laugh at how silly it really is compared to the bigger scheme of things. I think Amy mentioned....most people don't even see what we imagine they're seeing. I still to this day cannot throw a frisbee worth a crap, but I'm a hell of a campfire builder, so around campsites I have found my niche and am appreciated for being "fire starter" not frisbee champ. I also am a fairly good left handed badmitton player. It is the funniest thing because I serve right handed then swiftly switch the racket and play the game left handed. Now if THAT isn't a sight to see....but that is how I taught myself to play and it works for me.

I am rambling because I feel your pain and it is real and deep. We have all been there and at times still regress back there. You as we have, will learn to deal with this in your own way and in your own time, but PLEASE do not let it consume you Brian. Life throws obstacles at most people. We have been thrown this one and each of us learns to compensate and educate oneself and those around them to live a normal fruitful loved and loving life.

In short it's normal to feel as you do, so feel that way for as long as you want then be the manly man you are and pick yourself up and get on with your life. The people who matter to me and I to them accept me the way I am Brian, they love like OR hate me for what I am on the INSIDE! NOT because I have munged up arms. College should be one of the best times of your life, and it will be if you allow it to be. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy's Brian. Remember that if nothing else.

Tina

PS Brian, if you & i make it to the next camp i want a 1 on 1 badminton slapdown with ya !!! :p

[TinaT]

Brian,

Another thing I wanted to point out. You said you hadn't had a "girlfriend" in over a year. Give it time, when it's meant to be it will happen....

I found a genuine loving person who saw me for me and not for "my arms". So did many if not most of us here !

It can't be a fluke, that we got the only "unshallow" ones................I'm sure your's is out there waiting for you to find her. Tina

[brinx143]

I have one to, he is the most vain person to walk the face of the earth, but he doesnt see my arm. It bothers him that I see it.

To Brian,
I didnt date much myself, I always hid not wanting anyone to notice me. Then i started making changes in my appearance, and started getting noticed more. I never really thought I was attractive though I have been told i am, by some above average looking males and females. Howver I have always tended to date someone less attractive then me, I guess I had that low confidence that I could not date some as equally attractive. Now I am dating a guy that is good looking and he doesnt see my problems. If they dont like you because of a physical disability, screw them.
I have noticed as i have gotten older the type of people that ask me what my scars are from or why i cant turn my hand over, these people are generally lower class individuals whom have no shame. What I started telling them and please forgive me if you get offended by this but it worked for me, was that i tried to commit suicide but was not successful. Well if you seen their faces and how mortified they were and emmbarrased by what they said, but for me I was laughing inside because of their shear ignorance.
So if you are having problems finding a girl, then they are not for you, if they cannot look past your physical abnormalities, then yes they dont deserve you.


Message was edited by: brinx143