intimidating comment by vp to obpi child being bullied at school, HELP!

[admin]

First off I think what the vp did was very unprofessional. Comments like that should be handled between administration and parent.

Second, I am floored by the comments made after this. To imply that the man is a pedophile is an awfully big leap.

At your meeting I would ask them to outline the steps that they have taken. If they can't give you any then the VP owes an apology to your son. If it is the kind of thing that they have taken steps and they haven't work then together you and the school need to form a plan. I would also mention that you would appreciate that if the VP has a comment to make, to make it to you instead of to the child because the child took it as another form of bulling. Admisitrators can be jerks, you might put it to him this way. "My child is upset already by the situation. If you want me to have faith that you are doing all you can to handel this in a proper manner then talk to me. I am hear because I am concerned about htis and trying to get my kid to say things are ok when they are not puts this school in a worse light, not a better one in my mind."

I wish you the best of luck and hope the manner can be resolved.

[CW1992]

Good luck Gwen, I really feel for all of you. It's awful to see your child hurting, and I hope things get resolved.

I hope I am not out of line but I wanted to post my feelings. If all of this had been going on with my child I'm not sure exactly what I'd do - but it would really scare me to remove my child from a school situation just to get away from being bullied. I'd worry that this might reinforce my child's fear and my child might learn to hide from her fears or play the 'victim role' instead of learning how to stand up for herself. There will always be bullies everywhere - ot just at this school. I'd urge my child to fight back - do whatever she has to - to NOT allow someone to treat her wrong. If playing fair hadn't worked - we wouldn't fight fair anymore. Bully the bully.... Confidence comes from trying - not from hiding. I think that sometimes showing the child that they can fight back by teaching them how - helps build their self esteem and confidence way more than letting them still feel the fear and keeping them away from it (like school). Summer time would be a great time to learn self defense and build confidence so that when he returns to school he will come back strong and ready to defend himself verbally, physically, or whatever works for him. I do believe that confidence comes from proving to YOURSELF and he will not learn that if he is protected at home. He might not ever want to go back - sometimes fear can snowball in your head.
Another thought too - if he wants to be homeschooled and you allow that so that he'll be safer, it 'might' suggest to him that you do not have the confidence in him to stand up for himself. If you help him learn to face his fears and ignore the comments by people that don't matter to him anyway - then he will become stronger. I realize it's not that easy but hoped to offer some thoughts.
I hope for the best for all of you,
Christy

[jennyinsandiego]

Again because of the limitations of the medium, I want everyone to know I'm just throwing this out here, not attacking.
If there are going to be bullies everywhere, then why must they, as children, be thrown in to this in a school environment? How does a child fight back when it is the adult in charge that is pressuring him? ( I realize they are supposed to tell you, but then it is your battle, not his). I do homeschool and my children (I've got 6) have been bullied in other situations, they are still part of the "real" world. I don't understand why being protective of your children has such a bad wrap. Why has "over-protective" become a nasty word? I know we should teach our children to survive in "Hard America", but we need to be there to step in and take over,too. Whether or not to take a child out of a government school is a personal choice but, it is a choice and can be considered proactive, not hiding. I totally agree with all the confidence building suggestions. But another way to look at the issue is that bringing the child home to school might relieve an enormous amount of pressure and actually allow the child to flourish. I wish you the best of luck in your meeting-
and am so glad you brought this topic up-
Jenny

[Tessie258]

I homeschool Jameson now because there is no reason for my child to have to become a criminal because of bullies. In the school system if you fight back then you are treated just as bad as the criminal who started the attack. My son was verbally attacked for years before the physical attacks started and he ended the attack by giving the kid a bloody nose.
He now would take anyone who tries anything and beat the crap out of them....why should he have to be like that???
Besides the school wasn't giving my son an education, they were just shuffling him from one place to the next and not helping him with his writing problems. Since I started homeschooling him he has improved by a whole grade level in writing!!!
The school system is still very negative to him too. His old principal saw him last week and instead of saying something nice to him she said something like when are you going to quit flaking out on your education.....I was P.O.ed because she knows nothing about his education!!!! They just want the tax money and now they don't have his portion....they flaked out on my son!!!
For those of you serious about homeschool there are many groups you can join to help with the social aspects of life....you don't have to do it alone...do a search on the internet for groups near you....The stigma of the hillbilly who takes their child out of school to abuse them and doesn't teach them doesn't hold true anymore.....public schools are failing our kids.....and the government doesn't want you to know it because if no one sent their kids to school then they lose money!!! There is tons of support out there for people who want to homeschool.
T.

[JanAmes]

You have every right to be disturbed! Follow your instincts as a parent. The best thing you can do for your child is show him you are supporting him, that you will act to correct the problem, and advise him on how to stick up for himself as well. With my 1st grade daughter, when I found out she was having some problems at school I emphasized that she needs to tell me when anything happens so I can help her - we had a lot of conversations about what behavior was appropriate for her and what was appropriate/inappropriate for adults. It was a difficult process to get her to tell me what was going on sometimes because she wanted to forget about it because it made her feel bad, but once we got the line of communication open, I think she felt better about being able to handle it and being advised of how she could change her behavior when she needed to and about the fact that Mom went to bat for her when the adult was in the wrong.

My situation took a phone call to administration with the clear message that I would follow through with an attorney if the situation was not corrected.

Decide what you want done and state it clearly in writing. Try to get your repsonses in writing. Get some referrals for a lawyer so you can call if you reach a stalement; just having the phone number will help keep you on track even if you never use it. Keep on following up every 2-3 days until you have gotten the response you want. It sounds like you have 2 issues;
1) apparently the bullying still continues and the measures the school has taken are ineffective - this needs to be addressed, in my opinion it is the same as workplace harassment (legally)
2) The VP's inappropriate comment, another form of harassment - this is still a free country and even minor children are entitled to their opinions and I wouldn't allow my child to be oppressed as far as expressing her opinion. The man needs to be counseled - If his behavior toward your child continues, you should demand his replacement.

Try to be reasonable about allowing one more attempt at corrective measures but remember in your situation they've already attempted some and be very strong in your reminders to them about that fact. Document everything with dates, conversations, meetings. Good Luck