United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Hi, here's a little different take on the matter. And this may not apply, but who knows. My youngest son, who turned 2 in March was a very intense infant. I swear he was born with a frown on his face. We had major sleep issues and both of us got worn out and sick. I read a book, which by the way, saved my life, called: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth. It solved our sleep habits, and over the months, as he caught up on sleep, he became much easier to deal with. He's still pretty intense, and I guess it has to do with personality, but he's much easier to deal with. There's a different section for different ages, and one part I remember was this: If you have children with behavior issues - sleep could be a factor. Kids may seem to be doing okay and don't SEEM to need more sleep, but they will start exhibiting these behavior problems with even a small shortage of sleep. Taken over months, it can add up. It's an easy book to read, but has many factors that add up to good sleep. One thing I did, which was suggested, was to put my son to bed 30 minutes earlier than usual. Strangely enough, that small change made ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world!!! You can get the book from the library. It's worth a try.

Could these issues arise because of jealousy and frustration at all the attention the bpi child gets? Even if they know why the bpi child gets the attention, it doesn't make them feel any better about it IMO.

Isn't sleep amazing! My sister told me that her son use to grind his teeth at night so bad it would wake him up in the middle of the night and he couldn't go back to sleep. My son Michael does the same thing. It's so bad that his dentist told me he is grinding his baby teeth flat! Anyway, my sister said to give Michael an antacid before bed because he is having reflux at night and it's triggering the teeth grinding. I did that last night and he woke up this morning in a much better mood. I will continue to do this and hopefully he can catch up on his sleep. I am also going to get that book Happy Sleep Habit Happy Child. Thanks for the tip Jaime.

Patty

Chrystal:
We had a woman come and speak at our JCC. Her book is called "Dealing with Disappointment". It is very interesting. She does a lot with play acting (using puppets and toys) and with breathing exercises. The book is written in a very straightforward style and I found it easy to get through. She really gives ways of dealing with situations. Key to the way she does things, though, is to work on breathing and play acting when things are calm, instead of when things get wild. It is also important for parents to model their "techniques" of dealing with anger.
One of my twins tends to be a tad intense, and I have found this book helpful and she is 8 years old. When she was 3 and really obnoxious, I started making lists of when she lost it (I lost it too). We made some very big changes in how we as a family did things. We changed meal times-she was hungry. We were very upfront with the schedule of the day-we realized that the surprizes really threw her. And when we needed to make alterations in the plan of the day, we explained the change. We tried to offer only one option. I was trying to teach choice-making and she was getting too many choices. We went to this or this. It took all of us a while to get used to it, but EVERYONE was happier. Now, she just deals with things so much better. And the breathing exercises in the book have helped her this year when things would get a little overwhelming. She still has a nasty temper, but I look in the mirror---I do too. I just control it better. So does my mom, she controls it better than I. Age can be a wonderful thing!!!!
Good luck. BTW, we revisit the idea of taking her to a psychologist every 6 months or so. That might help.

claudia

mann
I have heard ALLL the suggestions I was going to make and THEN some really good ones,

The first thing that came to my mind was Dr Sear's 'high needs child' and sure an ingrediant in the making of a 'high needs' child could be having a sister with special needs, or it could be that her name is Emma, or in my case, Sarah, haha
and the 16 year old -oh I can SO relate to that!!!!
Really really great ideas you guys!!!
I dont do the power struggle stuff with my kids unless I have to-
Ofcourse if they are truly going to harm themselves or they are headed towards the 8 mile high glass pickle jar tower with their arms flailing I know Id be pinning her down too, haha, a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do!
Love the Dr Sears and the 1 2 3 majic,
and breathing, WHAT! a great idea, we do, "take a breathe-" everytime we begin to sense tention or to stop conflict- breathing is a great tool(conscious breathing)
funny I sometimes think when my kids act out, I get embarassed, as if it is a reflection on my ability to parent, well it isnt !!!
not so much any more as I have 6 of the bugars and I ...just dont care much what others think anymore, haha, but...our kids acting out-could be because of a bully or a bad teacher or who who knows what, but ITS OKAY -if they act out they act out, there is such pressure like in the stores, when the kids cry to shut them up- and I HATE that, sometimes the kid needs to cry- thats all there is to it, we get pressures to shut them up so many parents resort to violence, spanking, threatening(I know I have) or others resort to bribing, grasping at any possible form of satisfying the child (guilty of that too) just to appease the dirty looks from the business man or the mother of the two quiet kids so we just want our kids to hush, well- I say sometimes they will cry, smile, pretend you are on a beach in Hawaii with a gorgeous tan and a body everyone wants, the people looking at you just want to BE you, and grin, supermodel in Hawaii, thats my plan of attack, I know the secert of life and they just want to know it too- hahahaha
then leave
fast as possible, kids in tow-
-m, aka, gorgeous supermodel in Hawaii and other lovely beach spots accross the world, haha

Loved your post!!!!
Too funny!
T.

Crystal,
What you have is a strong willed child. Beeen there with my first born. He was over 2 1/2 before I could stand to take him public places. Strong willed children are a challenge to parent. They have much more energy than you and are extremely persistent at getting their way. They just wear and wear on you until you are so exhausted from the fight that you give in. Getting to the point where you win the battles is the best thing that you can do. Strong willed children give it their best to see where your limits are and if you will give in to your "rules". If they can make you blow your stack then that is even better. Consistency is the key with them and oh is it ever so hard. Some days you are just so tired that you just throw up your hands and say what the heck....just let 'em do what they want. A game plan and strategy for the situations that you know get your daughter riled up into testing your boundaries are needed. Setting up limits and consequences before going into a situation is the way to go. A book that I found helpul for understanding how strong willed kids throw their weight around and how you can PREVENT them from getting a strong hold before the beginning of a situation is "Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child" by Robert J MacKenzie.
Just remember that whatever you make as the consequence for their actions you follow through with. No following through with consequences just gives the strong willed child more strength to fight. Our son is 7 now, and we have come a long way. However, he is still a challenge to raise in comparison to our very compliant daughter. Good luck to you.
Kelli