United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Pat and Pamela-please tell me these incidents are rare?? In the 23 yrs since my bpi i've NEVER had any problems like this, quite the opposite in fact-people either don't notice at all or do notice and do their best to help me-of course it helps that here in NZ they always pack your shopping for you (and pump your gas-this place is apparently like other western countries were in the 50's) but i had no problems in the UK either where I spent most of my life so far. Have I just been lucky or is it a cultural difference? I agree with Liz, if this EVER happened to me I'd cause a huge ruckus and get the manager, or more likely just drop (no, actually, I'd THROW it) ALL my shopping over the counter and then watch the clerk pick it up-that behaviour is really shocking to me and i wouldn't tolerate it.

I'm wondering if I'm well adjusted to this injury because noone's ever treated me any differently (except to help)-our attitudes are formed by our experiences and if this is common then it's terrible.

Pat

I am right where you are... when I dig into my wallet I notice an annoyed cashier... so I go to the older ones and they are better about it... I find now that my hands are so mangled that I get less guff -- then I did when they could not tell that I could not supinate - I would be holding one baby in unaffected arm the other with my knees and have to ask them to put my change on the counter... they would still keep trying to put it in my hand.... now with the hands so bad they can see something is wrong and act better...duh!!

Jenny - I think you as an adult handled this injury in proper way... but children who are injured do not know how to cope with questions or poor behavior so they learn to ignore and accept bad behavior and it becomes a habit of allowing people to push you around... Our parents tell us not to be disrespectful so we assume to answer and adult rudely is wrong... even if the adult is rude...

I am not exactly a wimp... but when I was younger I would accept this type of behavior not to call attention to myself... NOW... is ANOTHER story... never push a woman who's hormones are gone to sleep... they push back...LOL...
I think that is why so many of the adult obpi are just starting to really get annoyed at behavior...there is never an excuse to treat child or adult in an insensitive manner... but obpi children just don't know the way to handel this and then it becomes a learned behavior on our part...

Of course I can't shop anymore... My husband had to learn to do it... I can't lift anything over ten pounds... and I now have a handicapp parking if I go to any store where I have to carry a bundle.

Kath

don't know how i'd handle stuff like this as a child, altho I punched a nurse who said to my mum 'what a pity your lovely daughter wears glasses' so i think maybe not as politely as you used to kath! Not a great response from me maybe (my mum was mortified) but i bet that nurse thought twice b4 she said anything like that again....
My point was-is this kind of behaviour from shop clerks etc normal? Is it something that routinely happens to disabled people and i've just been very lucky, or are these isolated events? What Pat and Pamela describe is disgusting! If this is common there is a serious attitude/common courtesy problem going on!
Kath,.....what on earth do you buy that weighs over ten pounds? I'm sensing another cultural difference here lolol

Jenny,

Jeff hides his injury very well by always having his left arm in his pocket so I am guessing the rude BK clerk just thought he was being rude. Him and I both have big mouths so I am actually surprised that we didn't either one say something, but I am almost positive she didn't notice anything wrong with him, just thought he was being rude by not handing the money to her. Maybe I am trying to justify this and hope he is not always put into situations like this.

Jenny,

Jeff hides his injury very well by always having his left arm in his pocket so I am guessing the rude BK clerk just thought he was being rude. Him and I both have big mouths so I am actually surprised that we didn't either one say something, but I am almost positive she didn't notice anything wrong with him, just thought he was being rude by not handing the money to her. Maybe I am trying to justify this and hope he is not always put into situations like this.

I've heard Brittney tell the ice cream truck guy and other people she gives money to things like, "I have a hard time turning this hand over all the way" and then she takes her time trying to grab her purchase and deal with the change. People usually either patiently wait or try and help her (which she usually doesn't like). "I can do it....." I think if they were rude after her telling them - then she'd go off on them somehow (with one of the many come-backs that we've practiced for just these types of things!!:) So far people are always very understanding - especially if she mentions that she has a little trouble while they are waiting for her.
Christy

did they really think that it was a joke???? If they did... so sad... it was a TERRIBLE joke!!!!

Um, I don't mean to be harsh, but honestly, suck it up. People are by definition stupid and ignorant and they don't know how to handle things. Things like diversity. So some people on tv made a joke about Bob Dole. Well, Bob Dole does ads for Pepsi and Viagra, he's been on Saturday Night Live, written a book - "Great Political Wit" -and was the political corespondent for The Daily Show. HE CAN TAKE A JOKE. Besides that there's a really great thing about them making that joke, it means that Dole's disability is discussed and accepted. That's a really, really good thing. Humor is the greatest tool we have in dealing with serious things. I've had friends who, as a way of making fun of me will raise both arms, and say "yeah, well I can do this" and you know how I react? I laugh. Mainly because if they are taking cheap shots because I've gotten them too good. But also, because they are acknowledging and accepting my limits and (for lack of a better term) disability. So, that tv ad, while distasteful (but hey--FOX isn't known for its class) is a great opener for dialogue and it shows an acceptance of disabilities. Would it be ok to make fun of Dole's erectile disfunction? It's done all the time, and it's a way of opening up discussion. We are taught from a young age to ignore it if someone's in a wheelchair etc. it's good to laugh and it's good to accept. And when it's derogatory and it hurts? Laugh even harder. Beware taking your life too seriously.
c

I could not agree more with Carrie. Laugh, or you'll go nuts. Whatever next? Mister Magoo banned for offending people with myopia? Daffy Duck upsetting those with speech impediments? These are characters whose whole persona revolves around their disabilities, and there are hundreds more. Relax, it would be better if the joke was actually funny, but the adults with bpi seem to joke about their injury the whole time and it's a great coping strategy.
You go, girl

Well, I can certainly laugh at my own obpi and I do, but it is not funny when others who don't understand what it is like poke fun at it. I think this joke is in really bad taste and I didn't appreciate it. Just my opinion.

Nancy