United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Ok all, I wasn't saying that we are forcing him, he has always done it and after he said that, he did it without any problem. He is helping to pour his juice, not doing it alone!! Its a little pitcher style measuring cup, and she only puts about 1 cup of juice in it. If he said it hurts, he wouldn't be doing it, but as it is, its good for supination, nothing is ever forced, just encouraged. I was just making a point that he has somewhat realized that arm doesn't work like the other one. I just wanted to know what you say to your kiddos!! Its getting bad on here nowadays, when someone asks a simple question and people start saying how we are forcing him to do things and taking me to task for something my two year old tried to use as an excuse to NOT have to HELP with something!! It makes a person leary of posting, why don't we start with asking questions about what exactly is going on, instead of (whats the word i'm looking for?) condeming for doing what may be best for my child, not yours (remember, its different with every child!!!). Its always easier to ask first and get the whole story (cause I don't know about everyone else, but my brain isn't always working properly) before making comments that may hurt someones feelings or just get them outright p.o.'d!! For those of you who just answered my question, thank you, I appreciate it!!

Hi- if you are referring to my post I am sorry that I offended you - I had intended to answer your question as best I could the way I understood your post - and you could take or leave my reply according to if it helped you or not. You had typed, "makes him use" and I replied using the word 'forced' meaning it in a very general term like I never told my child that she had to do something using her injured arm. Actually I think all of us were just discussing and trying to give ideas and nothing was meant badly at all. If we were all to go back and ask you the age of your child, and all of the details about what you had meant - you probably would have found a way to take offense to that too. I truthfully had posted to try and help.

Maybe my post offended you too, I am sorry for that...sometimes the words get typed in properly, but we have to understand we are all human !!!

actually christy, you were one of the one's i was thanking, i'm sorry you think i am easily offended, but a few of these posts did make me feel that way. like i said, my brain doesn't work half the time, so i didn't realize i hadn't put some important info, but i think if once in awhile we take time to ask people what they are talking about exactly, no one would be offended. my question to some of these people are, if you were talking to me face to face, with out my child there, would you say this? or would you ask the age of my child? what exactly goes on in his class? i just feel that we should offer the same courtesy to everyone on here, because this is our version of talking "face to face".

Anne,
If Matthew ever said anything like that I would probably respond saying something like "Let's figure out a way you can use that hand". I think it's good to encourage use so they don't forget that hand is there.
Ben is probably just testing the limits to see what he can get away with, or maybe he wanted a little extra attention. Maybe you can go over what to say with the teacher is the situation arises again.
Cindy

Sorry if my post offended you.

I don't think any of the posters here meant to do that.

All are trying to help and offer suggestions based on their own experience. Sometimes a thread on the message board veers off from the original question, we have to think of it as a conversation which takes turns and sometimes come back to the topic but often goes off in another direction.

Nancy

On the other side of the coin, I always say that no matter what Sophie does, if it's with her right (obp) hand it's okay. I joke that in high school, if she comes home smoking a joint with her right hand, I would probably say, Great job Soph! Ha ha. I think, even at 18 mo. she already realizes she can get away with stuff if she uses it. Good luck with your issue.

katie gets by with some stuff using her injured arm as well...oh well.

I too took it as the teacher was "forcing" him and started to post several times but couldn't get it out without sounding offensive as I was pretty sure I wasn't getting all the picture. So I just signed off...

We don't listen to the "i can'ts" here. We may cry about them later but when they happen (and oh yes, they can be very manipulative at this age (2 1/2 here) we encourage her to try again, whatever way it takes. We just pretend to be busy (pretend, HA!) and to try until we get there. For instance Katie has a thing about hair or strings on her body. She's in the tub and I am in the room but a few feet away picking up laundry when she starts screeching "I have a hair". I told her to try and get it off with the other arm until I could get over there to help her. She tried, it didn't reach up that far so she looked around and dunked her arm under water until she could get it off. Sounds cold but it works for us. I think if we let them "use" this as an "excuse" we are setting them up for many failures. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND...We had to make a recent decision that was very hard. Katie's docs and therapists tell us if we teach her one handed she'll never try to do stuff two handed. Well, sometimes, just sometimes, all of us need to accomplish something in life to give us a boost of self esteem. SOOOOO, that said--we will be teaching her how to put her jacket on one handed with some slight assistance of her injured arm because in reality she physically cannot position her arm in the necessary way she would need to in order to do it the way the other kids are doing it. Do I care if she ever turns her jacket upside down and slings it over her head--heck no, I just want her to feel good about not needing help when no one else does.

I am pretty sure I didn't help here, think I am just trying to say--choose your battles. If he could do it before and was just playing "victim" for a short time (and I remember hearing "BEN" all over the OH picnic so I don't think this happens often) then yep, you guys were right in saying well, try again. JMO

I usually tell my 3 yr old "why not" yes you can let me help you. I try to encourage him to use his right hand often. I keep telling him God gave you two arms and hands to use. Even though he right arm and hand will never be equal to his left there is no reason why he can't try.

Hello, Anne. I'm glad I read the other replies before posting b/c I too would've read the original post from the thought of your son being made to / forced to use his BP hand. Glad to know that's not actually the case. Anyway, I hear "I can't" all the time. My response varies depending on the situation. Often though, I'll ask Nicole (3.5 yrs old) if she tried yet? Then, after she's tried it, I teach her how to ask for help if needed. Sometimes I reply to "I can't" by saying something like "Well, if you keep saying you can't rather than trying it, then you're not going to learn how to do it. You have to try in order to be successful." If I clearly know it's something that Nicole can do, then I might just say "yes you can." However, I don't use that response often b/c I don't want her to feel like she's not allowed to have some things that she can't do. I don't know if that makes sense. She has a severe injury and has very little function of her L hand so there clearly are some things that she simply cannot do. So, I like to acknowledge that I'm aware of that while trying also not to let it become an excuse. Another thing I do is lots of acknowledgement and praise, etc. when she accomplishes something that she said she couldn't do. I make a really big deal out of her succeeding. I hope this helps. -Tina