United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Great advice! Thank you all.

Boy Mare,
That was great what Frank said to the kid that had to have the teacher tie his shoes. I LOVE IT !
GAYLE

Mare,
I just love that Frankie! Some girl is really going to be lucky too.

HUgs to you both,
"Gramma"Carolyn J
LOBPI/70--[ocassionaly still dealing with scars from the "dark ages" of my youth because I stuffed bulying at that time]...Better to deal with it head on...

My daughter just turned 8. She really hasn't had to deal with this much. When she has she has handled it with a wit and wisdom that has astonished me. Like several of the post it is usually humor, other time just stating the truth bluntly. When she was in Kindergarten an older girl made a comment about her arm and said she wasn't her friend, Rosalynn's response was that was a dumb reason not to like her and she didn't want dumb friends anyway. One way to look at it is to cross that bridge when you come to it and in the mean time do some rational reflection. Rosalynn has been surronded by a group of very supportive adults (therapist, nurses, doctors) from a very early age. I feel this has had two very postive effects. First she has always seemed very mature for her age. She looks at the world a lot differently than other kids her age. Secondly her therapist have given her constant encouragmentand celebrated all accomplishments. I really think this helps to foster a very positive self esteem. She know how hard she has worked for those accomplishments and it is not just false flattery. Ok I can't count, third our kids seem to be born problem solvers. If the arm won't cooperate they adjust till they find their own way to do things. Combine these and you get kids that advocate for themselves and critically analyze the situation. Does teasing still happen, yes. Does it hurt feelings, yes. But talking with your child helps and words only hurt a little while and are nothing compared with physical pain. Ok I started another train of thought on bullying but decided it might be better in a seperate post. My main thought is our kids are tough and generally handle or preempt the teasing. Bullying can be a different situation though.

Hi,

My names David, I'm 22, BP - birth injury. I started getting comments from kids in elementary school, mostly because when I run I have to acknowledge to move my right arm or else I will only swing one arm or when I would hold something I would stick my elbow out. The teasing and comments got pretty bad and really effected me to the point where I would stay home from school and my mom would call the school and they'd end up having a loud speaker announcement to tell kids to stop....I know this probably sounds dramatic. I had that same crap all the way up till my full time job right now but a word to their manager usually does the trick. My advise is to make sure that your son, in time, fully understands that this is a physical disability and though people make fun and tease people with disabilities everyday, doesn't mean that its right because no one is perfect and everyone has flaws....its just some of them are physical like us and others are mental as the kids and individuals that tease. Just make sure that he is self confident and believes in himself. Push him to be strong. Good luck on both of your journeys.

David,
Please come back here more often,OK?!

Carolyn J
LOBPI/70

Well, so far the only time Joshua has been teased has been from an ADULT not a child. It wasn't directly about his arm, but his inability to do monkey bars (which he might even eventually be able to do, he's not even 5 yet!). It was some macho dad at the playground bragging about how his little-but-5-and-a-half year old daughter caught on to the monkey bars so fast yadda yadda etc etc puke. So this girl was playing with Joshua and then went to do the monkey bars and the dad actually started taunting Joshua about him not wanting to do the bars (saying "what are you, chicken?" and stuff like that!!). I was so mad, I just jumped in and said "you try to do something like that at 4 years old and with a partially paralyzed arm" in a pretty angry voice. Of course, then he went on about how "you couldn't really tell" and "it looks normal to me" (most people can't tell unless he tries to reach for something outside his active range) and I frankly didn't know what else to say so I just ignored the moron.

I'm not at all sure what I'll do when kids start to tease. I'm not sure whether that will be better or worse than idiot grown-ups.

Kate

oh man we've had our share of idiot grownups especially after Maia had surgeries... wont' even go into but boy were they idiots!

My 12 year old son has a very severe injury and his arm does look quite different. I had the same worries when he was a baby but 95% of them did not come true. Kids just accept him for who he is and actually it's been adults who ask more questions and say stupid things. His experiences are really no different than my uninjured daughter. It's the same lesson about not letting peoples words have control over you and that you choose how you are going to react and respond. I also try to teach that those experiences can make them better more compassionate people.
My first reaction sometimes still is as a mama bear defending my cubs (very rational and wanting to tear the perpetrators brachial plexus) so I have had to work through that also and not respond with anger.
Finally.. my son told me this fall that a kid in his French class called him "Stubby" because of his arm. I asked, "How do you feel about that?" His response was, "I don't really care because I am cooler than he is."

Unfortunately kids and adults can be cruel and frankly a child can end up being taunted with or without an injury.

I blame bad parenting more than anything else. Too many parents today are condoning their children's bad behavior.