United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

Generaly speaking. Christy has made some really valid points. Personally speaking I have to watch eveything I say around Michael. Those little ears hear everything and it's so easy to pretend that he is not in the room or that maybe he doesn't understand the conversation. When Michael was diagnosed with leukemia at age 3 I didn't realize how well he listened to my fears and concerns until it was time for him to go to preschool with no hair and still swollen from chemotherapy and steroids. He was terrified to go because he heard me talking about picking up germs from other kids and being different from other children. When his teachers asked why he was so scared, he repeated my conversation I had over the phone with his teacher the day before. What a wake up call. It was then I realized he was no longer oblivious to his world and I better learn how to control my feelings and my opinions when he is around me. I want him to grow up thinking that there is no one in the world who is perfect, everyone is different and that it's how you handle those differences that counts. You can dwell on it all your life or you can embrace it make it a normal part of you and grow.

Patty

i understand the anger i feel it too. sometimes i write a letter to my dr just to let him know how much he has hurt our family, of course i do not mail them. but i also wonder what kind of a man would not feel terribly about what he has done. on the other hand it is all well and good to feel bad about something but it is how you handle the matter that counts in my book. my atty says that we will be amazed at the lengths the medical community will go to avoid responsibility for their mistakes. i will be amazed if that happens i may be niave but i keep on seeing the good side of people.

Rhonda - I wrote this, erased it and now I'm going to write it again. I suggest that you do some anger processing. This is emotional / physical work that will allow you to retrieve the pent up anger and release it. It's not the same as you just sitting there and screaming... it's like opening up a pandora's box and it all comes out ON ITS OWN - not forced. It's what you've been storing for all these years. I'm a bodywork therapist and this is the type of work that comes up every now and then - another word for it is somato-emotional release and there are probably about 50 modalities out there (different names) that deal with this very thing.

You lost your case - you are devastated - you are angry at the injury itself (and this is a ton of layers) and now you are angry about the lawsuit ON TOP of all the original anger. This kind of layer upon layer upon layer of anger just doesn't leave automatically especially because you've trained yourself over the last few years to hold it in because of the lawsuit and your child... you have to open the door and let it out.

Where do you live? Maybe I know of a holistic center in your area that I can recommend to you? Let me know if you are interested. Also you may feel not ready for this right now - so keep this idea tucked away and do it sometime in the future.

You need to have the freedom to go on with your life and you are entitled to live "happily ever after" like we all are entitled to. Please consider it. There is specific training for this - it can involve a psychologist/counselor or an advance bodywork therapist of some sort. It can be done in a group setting or privately. It's not something you might do often. You might do one session and then go back a year or two later, or you might do a few and dig at it for a while - it all depends how deeply protected it is.

Please feel free to email me if you want to discuss this further,
francine@injurednewborn.com

-francine

Francine,
Can you tell us more about this anger processing?

I know that when I had myofascial release treatments last year, I was surprised at how something so physical could release such a strong emotional response. I had my first treatment on my birthday and while the therapist was working on me, my thoughts kept returning to my mother and the tears began to flow. I realized later that I must have been returning to my own birth and that there was a lot of emotion pent up from this injury that I did not realize.

I did not realize at the time that mfr often releases such emotions as it works with the physical.

Nancy

Nancy- yes I remember you telling me about this after you had your treatment.

Here's the basic understanding - emotions / memories, etc. are stored in what's called cellular memory. You can access this cellular memory by manipulating the fascia system on a physical level. By stretching the fascia - these little (or gigantic) bubbles of 'stuff' pop and whatever emotion that is stuck in there gets released. And this is why there is no 'control' over what or how much gets released - it just happens.

I know this may sound kind of hoaky (but many of the alternatives do) but you can read more about it in this great book - I believe it's called "Between Heaven & Earth". It explains it very well. I'll come back later and give you the author (can't think of it right now). I highly recommend reading it.

Anger plays such a big part when there's an iatrogenic injury (injury caused by a medical proffessional). I hope that as time passes we all find a means of 'releasing' some of it so that we all can go forward.

-francine

The title I gave you is the wrong title....
that's an oriental medical theory book...but I know it was something like that. I'll post the title as soon as I get it - I'll call some colleagues. I suggested that one because it was an easy read...but if you're interested in a more technical read Upledger has a book on Somato-Emotional Release that is also excellent.

I know the t-shirts would be defamation of character, but it sure would raise a lot of questions, wouldn't it? Talk about awareness. I think Blake is hearing a lot just because of having his splint on and people are asking questions, but I let him answer so we aren't in an indepth conversation about it. He just says, "I went to TX, had surgery, and now I have to wear this splint so my arm can rest" He knows it is a birth injury, but he doesn't want to know any more than that(for now), and I am glad. I don't get consumed by anger, sure it hurts and the only thing that is upsetting is that we are on our 5th attorney and finally have someone that says that we have a case so we can file against the dr. He doesn't even know that he is so severe, to my knowledge. I just want justice for what he has done to my family.

Sorry to post anonymously...

This topic really hits home with me. I'm not at a point yet where I can channel the anger I feel into a positive outlet. I live in a small town, and one of the first things people ask when they hear about my child's BPI is "Who was the doctor?" I never tell anyone his name - although I would like to take an ad out in the newspaper so that the whole town can hear what he did to my child. I know it won't change what happened and won't help my child, but I think he should be held accountable for his actions. I really liked the t-shirt idea. When I received a bill from his office for my child's delivery, all I wanted to do was send HIM a bill for all the costs my child has incurred to date, plus an amount for all the time we dedicate to therapy. Again, I know that's not constructive, but that's where I am at the moment. I also know that one day, the anger won't be quite so raw. In the meantime, thanks for giving me the chance to vent a little...

Francine,
I didn't mean to come across so desperate. I don't have anger problems, but I do keep things bottled up because I have to with 3 children, homeschooling, everyday housework, baseball practice, boxing practice, etc.... I don't have time to feel things for myself. :0) No pity here. This is my life. I am a stay at home BUSY mom. Yes I have almost 4years of emotion bottled up and some came out at trial and some came out when I read your post. I just feel more able to open up on the boards lately and now I look like a crazed mom.I guess my little southern attitude is blazing through. Sorry. Thank you to all have emailed with encouraging words.
LOL,
Rhonda

Actually Rhonda - I didn't mean to point it at you...you just brought up a very valid point about all of us...we all have this anger thing to deal with and I didn't know if anyone knew that this work was available so I wanted to tell about it. We all have our crazy moments anyway - even if this didn't happen!

-francine