Re: Why seperate kids from parents etc (re: Adult and Camp thread)
Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:09 pm
I understand you having concerns when someone trying to talk to your child alone and away from you. Any good parent's radar should ping loudly in that circumstance.
That said, I think there's another reason that I think it's a good idea for an injured only session beyond the freedom for kids to grasp the "I'm not alone" nature of the talk. It's because sometimes the parental view of the injury- the should we do X surgery, X pt, X treatment questions can control the discussion. Treatment concerns are paramount for parents who really need to hear from adults with BPIs what the consequences are for different treatment options from people who have had them. Parents are dealing with this injury trying to figure out the best plans for babies and young children and have to make these decisions knowing as much as they can about living with the injury (something that the kids maybe aren't old enough yet to articulate to their parents). So the parents need to ask these things of older people with injuries. But these inquiries may derail any discussion of what it's like day to day with an injury and what kinds of adversity we encounter.
This is why there would be a Q-and-A session with injured adults and parents. Alternatively, you could have a situation where you have parents asking things or saying things which embarrass the kids. There are injured people of all ages and teenagers are going to be embarrassed by their parents about pretty much every possible thing there is to say or do. An eight year old might not be, but 13? Absolutely. We could have a situation where parents can be there but not speak. That's really uncomfortable for anyone to experience, being watched while you try to explain some of the difficult moments in your life. While your child is possibly the most comfortable with you there, that doesn't mean that your presence won't make me uncomfortable.
Additionally, all of the kids from today are getting older and bigger and taking on more responsibility for their lives including their injury and treatment. They need a place where they can talk about the impact of the injury on their everyday lives without uninjured people listening in. It's like a Moms Only meeting or a Sibs Only, it is one time to be in a room with a whole bunch of people who "get it."
I only went to one camp (2003) and one of the reasons that I've never gone again is the awkwardness around parents who come up and ask if you've had surgery X and when you say no, they walk away. The Injured Only meeting was a highlight because it was all about being open and talking about all the little things that are an everyday part of this (and this could include frustrations with parents) that need to be voiced. Just as in a Parents Only group, things might be said that only parents will understand which an injured person might take offense, in an Injured Only group there are things said which might offend parents. There is great value in the ability to express feelings in relative privacy. UBPN is a support network and we are here to lend support to one another.
No one wants to be exclusive or secretive, but it's really nice to have time when you can be like, hey, we have this thing in common and I thought I was the only one. This means not talking about surgeries or pt because we are in search of treatment, but because we want to share with people who understand in a way that others don't.
Carrie
26 ROBPI
That said, I think there's another reason that I think it's a good idea for an injured only session beyond the freedom for kids to grasp the "I'm not alone" nature of the talk. It's because sometimes the parental view of the injury- the should we do X surgery, X pt, X treatment questions can control the discussion. Treatment concerns are paramount for parents who really need to hear from adults with BPIs what the consequences are for different treatment options from people who have had them. Parents are dealing with this injury trying to figure out the best plans for babies and young children and have to make these decisions knowing as much as they can about living with the injury (something that the kids maybe aren't old enough yet to articulate to their parents). So the parents need to ask these things of older people with injuries. But these inquiries may derail any discussion of what it's like day to day with an injury and what kinds of adversity we encounter.
This is why there would be a Q-and-A session with injured adults and parents. Alternatively, you could have a situation where you have parents asking things or saying things which embarrass the kids. There are injured people of all ages and teenagers are going to be embarrassed by their parents about pretty much every possible thing there is to say or do. An eight year old might not be, but 13? Absolutely. We could have a situation where parents can be there but not speak. That's really uncomfortable for anyone to experience, being watched while you try to explain some of the difficult moments in your life. While your child is possibly the most comfortable with you there, that doesn't mean that your presence won't make me uncomfortable.
Additionally, all of the kids from today are getting older and bigger and taking on more responsibility for their lives including their injury and treatment. They need a place where they can talk about the impact of the injury on their everyday lives without uninjured people listening in. It's like a Moms Only meeting or a Sibs Only, it is one time to be in a room with a whole bunch of people who "get it."
I only went to one camp (2003) and one of the reasons that I've never gone again is the awkwardness around parents who come up and ask if you've had surgery X and when you say no, they walk away. The Injured Only meeting was a highlight because it was all about being open and talking about all the little things that are an everyday part of this (and this could include frustrations with parents) that need to be voiced. Just as in a Parents Only group, things might be said that only parents will understand which an injured person might take offense, in an Injured Only group there are things said which might offend parents. There is great value in the ability to express feelings in relative privacy. UBPN is a support network and we are here to lend support to one another.
No one wants to be exclusive or secretive, but it's really nice to have time when you can be like, hey, we have this thing in common and I thought I was the only one. This means not talking about surgeries or pt because we are in search of treatment, but because we want to share with people who understand in a way that others don't.
Carrie
26 ROBPI