United Brachial Plexus Network, Inc.

wow, you guys are awesome parents, seriously :0)
I know all of you are right, your kids must be lovely, and until my kids get strong and heavy I do just fine with not giving in etc. But as soon as they get old enough to know I can't physically pick them up and put them in time out/take them away from the fire/road/whatever else I want them to leave alone....then my authority becomes just me talking (or shouting on a bad day....) no action to back it up. Hence my 2 younger kids became extremely bratty from about age 2 to 6-my oldest was a preemie and I could lift her until she was 7 or 8, no probs with her discipline! I felt unable to take them to malls etc because I couldn't deal with the tantrums physically. Maybe I'm just a weak parent but not being able to remove a child from a situation really caused me some problems. Anyone have any idea for one handed (and I do mean one handed, my right arm is flail) solutions? We are just leaving the tantrum phase, youngest is now 7 but I'd be interested to hear any tips from you guys, as I get asked often by tbpi who are planning families.
Jen NZ

Am I the only one who's kids do not throw temper tantrums? I am reading these stories about how your children act in public and i a bit confused..
I mean I work at walmart and believe me, i see these kids kicking and screaming for a toy or whatever and i think to myself...geez i am so glad my kids don't do that!

Am i the only one? I sure hope not!

Hey Mandie,
I understand the wal-mart thing and also see kids having tantrums - used to think it could never happen to me because that was a sign of a bad parent/spoiled child.... I was wrong! Just like all kids are different - so is the way they handle "NO"! My oldest just had that one major temper tantrum luckily - never had one again - and my youngest seems to just cry like the world is going to end or something. I do not feel that I am a bad parent - I just need to understand the frustraition that my child feels and how they deal with that. I usually just tell them that "when I say NO - I mean NO and drop it" and if they keep it up they lose all TV, computer, friends over - whatever - because to stand there with them and argue about whether they will get what I already know that they won't get is a huge waste of all of our time. So anyway - today when I see a child throwing a fit in a store I have more understanding that maybe that child is just over tired and so is the Mom,
Christy

Jenny:
your words have a lot of power. I can no longer pick my kids up (except for Juliana-she is only 6+). My three older kids are 13, 11, and 11. Both of my girls are taller than I and my son will be as tall as by the end of the summer, I think!. However, when I say "go to your room!" they still do it.

I do believe in leaving a situation, but I also believe that a kid who has a tantrum out, probably has some sort of hissy at home too. And how you handle the at home hissy can be very helpful when you are out.

After four kids, the most important thing is to follow through. If I told the kids they couldn't watch TV, then the TV was off. Even for me. The hardest thing about punishing kids, is that the punishment usually punishes you too. If you say you won't take them to the park, then you don't get to be outside and see the other moms either. A few things that I did: there were no toys in the kids rooms. All toys in a common area (basement). When I punished to the bedroom, there was nothing there to do! I picked punishments that were realistic. I didn't say "now you won't go to Sally's party." a-Sally didn't do anything wrong, b-when is Sally's party? too much time elapses, c-it has to be a more personal issue. If there was a new computer game one of the kids loved, then they weren't allowed on the computer for a period of time. My oldest (who is really wonderful) used to say to me "why do you always take away the computer? I love playing on the computer." Ha! that's why!

I was and am strict with my children. Their behavior towards each other and me had to be respectful. I did not (and do not) allow my children to raise their voices at me, nor can they call me names, nor can they say they "hate" me, and when I say the conversation is over, it is over. End. And if they want to continue to nag about it, I tell them that the conversation is over, if they have something else they want to talk about I will talk about the new subject, but if they want to keep up with the old (ended) conversation they can tell their stuffed animals in their room.

Be consistent. Hard as it may be.

And as for stores, I always tell my kids why we are going to a store. "we are buying gifts for Jane and Jon, but this is not a trip for gifts for you. If you see something you like, we can start a list at home for your birthday."

I happen to really like being with my kids. Mind you, my weekend away with my husband was fabulous! But I really enjoy them. It was so hard when they were little, but now it is really quite fun. There are tough times, mind you, but I always go back to my basics and things work out.

good luck,
claudia