MomOf2gr8kids,
I just looked at your daughter's pictures at your new web site. You and I have alot in common. If we were to put side-by-side pictures, you couldn't tell the difference between our kids in development and situations. The picture of you with your daughter between the birch trees is so exactly similiar to my fondest memories as well.
And yes, our birthing wasn't anything like the movies, the books, the TV shows, our friends experiences when they had "that together moment" ... I totally understand what you are saying. I actually brought to the hospital these expensive PJs that I thought that I could wear through the delivery. In my Null post I wrote that I demanded to have my daughter for breast-feeding, but I did have to actually wait until the hospital without my permission x-rayed her shoulder and made medical records of which I was not aware. But during that entire time where I had no real sense of where my child was and what was happening to her, I totally screamed bloody murder! (My Dad -- in the waiting room -- that brought seven children into this world said that I was absolutely the loudest, most frightening delivering and post-op mother that he had ever heard.)
And, God Damn It, you have your gorgeous child just as much as I have mine...
Also I wanted to add that your child seems to have gained alot in her bicep, which unfortunately my child did not.
Anyone else feel like they missed out
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Re: Anyone else feel like they missed out
This is my opinion, and it may sound bad to some...
When my older son was born he after a hard delinery w, SD (no injury) he was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. He had to stay in the NICU for 10 days. And while it was the longest 10 days of my life, I knew that he would be fine(non-life threatening). Once my milk came in and I started to breast feed, his blood sugar rose steadily. But, I'll tell you what after being pregnany for what felt like 17 months and having gallstones and attacks during and after pregnancy, those 10 days were heaven for me. As far as rest goes. For those 10 days, I got dropped off at the hospital at 6am and picked up at 8pm and my husband would get there as I was leaving and stay with Manny until about 4am. The NICU nurses were terrific and they encouraged us to stay as long as we wanted and bond with Manny. I bathed him, fed him and took him for his tests. But at the end of the day, I prayed and cried then I went home and got some much need sleep. I used to get sad that he wasn't home with me, but looking back- I am thankful that I got the rest, taking care of a newborn isn't easy. As far as Jody goes... born after a terribly painful delivery, SD and ROBPI. Came home 2 days later, I had to go straight from the hospital to the pediatrician so he could talk to me about what happened. The hospital wouldn't. So, born on Monday, home by Wednesday, pediatrican and neurologist on the following Monday. The first few months of his life were a blur. Trips, appoinments, fear and phone calls. Not to mention a stressed out 4 year old. When I had Jody we went to my sisters house about 3 days later and she couldn't believe I was out and about so quick and feeling good. She cried at the memory of her emergancy c-section at 27 weeks. I started to dry because I should have had a c-section. My point is, that everyone dreams of how things should work out from weddings to childbirth and sometimes they don't go as planned. I heard from someone not too long ago..."If you want to make God laugh, make a plan"
Would I have another kid to have a shot at a normal delivery? NO WAY- I am done with ruptured round ligaments and stretch marks.lol
MArlyn mom to Manny 6 and Jody 22mos. ROBPI
When my older son was born he after a hard delinery w, SD (no injury) he was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. He had to stay in the NICU for 10 days. And while it was the longest 10 days of my life, I knew that he would be fine(non-life threatening). Once my milk came in and I started to breast feed, his blood sugar rose steadily. But, I'll tell you what after being pregnany for what felt like 17 months and having gallstones and attacks during and after pregnancy, those 10 days were heaven for me. As far as rest goes. For those 10 days, I got dropped off at the hospital at 6am and picked up at 8pm and my husband would get there as I was leaving and stay with Manny until about 4am. The NICU nurses were terrific and they encouraged us to stay as long as we wanted and bond with Manny. I bathed him, fed him and took him for his tests. But at the end of the day, I prayed and cried then I went home and got some much need sleep. I used to get sad that he wasn't home with me, but looking back- I am thankful that I got the rest, taking care of a newborn isn't easy. As far as Jody goes... born after a terribly painful delivery, SD and ROBPI. Came home 2 days later, I had to go straight from the hospital to the pediatrician so he could talk to me about what happened. The hospital wouldn't. So, born on Monday, home by Wednesday, pediatrican and neurologist on the following Monday. The first few months of his life were a blur. Trips, appoinments, fear and phone calls. Not to mention a stressed out 4 year old. When I had Jody we went to my sisters house about 3 days later and she couldn't believe I was out and about so quick and feeling good. She cried at the memory of her emergancy c-section at 27 weeks. I started to dry because I should have had a c-section. My point is, that everyone dreams of how things should work out from weddings to childbirth and sometimes they don't go as planned. I heard from someone not too long ago..."If you want to make God laugh, make a plan"
Would I have another kid to have a shot at a normal delivery? NO WAY- I am done with ruptured round ligaments and stretch marks.lol
MArlyn mom to Manny 6 and Jody 22mos. ROBPI
Re: Anyone else feel like they missed out
Marlyn,
In English there's a saying, "Man proposes and G-d disposes." It rhymes. There's a similar saying in Yiddish that also rhymes. Translated directly into English, it doesn't rhyme, but here it is: Man plans and G-d laughs. I think that what you heard recently was the Yiddish expression, translated into English, and then paraphrased.
For those of you who feel like you missed out because your experience with childbirth wasn't what you had hoped it would be:
Think about women who've never been pregnant, but longed for the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood. Think about women who got pregnant, but misscarried and never got to hold a baby. Think about the women who's babies were stillborn. They carried the child for nine months, and still came out of the experience without a child in their arms.
"The grass is always greener on the far side of the hill." Be thankful for what you have.
I'm sorry, but this is a touchy subject for me. I wanted children, but couldn't have any. When I feel down about it, I try to remember that things seldom happen the way you plan them. What if my kids had not turned out the way that I had hoped? There are many ways in which children can hurt or disappoint their parents. I try to think about that, and be grateful for what I have.
Joanie
In English there's a saying, "Man proposes and G-d disposes." It rhymes. There's a similar saying in Yiddish that also rhymes. Translated directly into English, it doesn't rhyme, but here it is: Man plans and G-d laughs. I think that what you heard recently was the Yiddish expression, translated into English, and then paraphrased.
For those of you who feel like you missed out because your experience with childbirth wasn't what you had hoped it would be:
Think about women who've never been pregnant, but longed for the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood. Think about women who got pregnant, but misscarried and never got to hold a baby. Think about the women who's babies were stillborn. They carried the child for nine months, and still came out of the experience without a child in their arms.
"The grass is always greener on the far side of the hill." Be thankful for what you have.
I'm sorry, but this is a touchy subject for me. I wanted children, but couldn't have any. When I feel down about it, I try to remember that things seldom happen the way you plan them. What if my kids had not turned out the way that I had hoped? There are many ways in which children can hurt or disappoint their parents. I try to think about that, and be grateful for what I have.
Joanie
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Re: Anyone else feel like they missed out
Joan,
What are you saying. At one level you are faulting people for ignoring God's plans, then later you worry that prehaps your child would not have turned out the way you hoped, or that your child would disappoint you. Are you saying that God's plan for you is that you shouldn't have children becuase ultimately in your personality and mothering you would have felt dissatisfied with that child. Or that prehaps you know yourself well enough to know that you do not have the personal courage to face the challenges of rearing a child...
What are you saying. At one level you are faulting people for ignoring God's plans, then later you worry that prehaps your child would not have turned out the way you hoped, or that your child would disappoint you. Are you saying that God's plan for you is that you shouldn't have children becuase ultimately in your personality and mothering you would have felt dissatisfied with that child. Or that prehaps you know yourself well enough to know that you do not have the personal courage to face the challenges of rearing a child...
Re: Anyone else feel like they missed out
Personally, I don't feel like I missed out. The only thing that I "missed" was the announcement of "It's a girl!" When I was preg. again and went over my delivery discussions with my new OB/GYN and my husband, I made sure they were both well aware that I wanted the "announcement" that time. Of course, it was just a small thing and nothing I would've been emotionally scarred for life over or anything like that. I think that what helped me to not be disapppointed is that it took a couple years for me to get pregnant. I didn't know if I'd even be able to have a baby. When I got preg., often people would ask me if I knew what I was having (boy / girl) and I always said that I didn't know and wanted to be surprised. Then, many people would say, "as long as it's healthy." My response was always, no, as long as it's a baby. Although I didn't have any specific reason to think that I wouldn't have a healthy baby, I also knew that babies were born everyday with problems and that if I happened to have one of those babies born with any health problems, I'd just do what I needed to do. While I know that God didn't cause Nicole's injury, I also know that He wouldn't have let me take on something that I couldn't handle and believe that He gave me the strength to handle what a BPI involves, even before I gave birth.
In my case, I did get to have Nicole on my chest pretty soon after she was born (not immediately, but within a few minutes and she'd never left the room) and I did get to try to nurse her at that time. I can say I would've been disappointed if they'd tried to take her out of the room before I got a chance to hold her and try to nurse her, but that wasn't the case. I was upset at them giving her a bottle w/o asking me first. The 2nd hospital we used is on a national list of "baby-friendly" hospitals. They assured me that they would never give a newborn a bottle w/o consulting with the parents first. I did have Troy accompany Joshua when they took him away b/c I had certainly lost some trust in the medical field. I know they didn't like me letting Joshua sleep on me in the hospital, but I think you get bolder the 2nd time around and know that while it's their facility, it's your baby! Guess I got sidetracked a bit, but I hope this helps. I guess I've always just been thankful for what I have and haven't thought much about what could've been. I've personally never been fond of the "Holland" story either and hope Nicole never reads it or thinks I ever felt like that with her (although I know that it does seem to help many other "BP moms"). Anyway, just adding my thoughts.
~Tina, mom to Nicole (7 y.o. w/LOBPI) & Joshua (23 mos. w/NOBPI)
In my case, I did get to have Nicole on my chest pretty soon after she was born (not immediately, but within a few minutes and she'd never left the room) and I did get to try to nurse her at that time. I can say I would've been disappointed if they'd tried to take her out of the room before I got a chance to hold her and try to nurse her, but that wasn't the case. I was upset at them giving her a bottle w/o asking me first. The 2nd hospital we used is on a national list of "baby-friendly" hospitals. They assured me that they would never give a newborn a bottle w/o consulting with the parents first. I did have Troy accompany Joshua when they took him away b/c I had certainly lost some trust in the medical field. I know they didn't like me letting Joshua sleep on me in the hospital, but I think you get bolder the 2nd time around and know that while it's their facility, it's your baby! Guess I got sidetracked a bit, but I hope this helps. I guess I've always just been thankful for what I have and haven't thought much about what could've been. I've personally never been fond of the "Holland" story either and hope Nicole never reads it or thinks I ever felt like that with her (although I know that it does seem to help many other "BP moms"). Anyway, just adding my thoughts.
~Tina, mom to Nicole (7 y.o. w/LOBPI) & Joshua (23 mos. w/NOBPI)