At wits end w/teacher

[browning93]

CW92I guess another reason I'm so angry is this teacher is not equipped to deal with a disabled child and doesn't budge an inch for her yet the school system insisted that she be in this program, not one for disabilities because as they put it ,"It doesn't affect her educationally." When she clearly needed more help than the other kids from the beginning of the school year i was told , "well we don't want her to think of herself as disabled." Don't get me wrong, I don't want to handicap my child,but there is no common sense from this! If the teacher cannot deal with the extra problems as CW92 put it, then it's apparent to me she's in the wrong program.Changing this is such a slow process the school year will be over and I'm really considering pulling her out because of her self esteem.I don't want her to think people won't help her throughout her life.I also know that would give the teacher what she wants but Michaela is more important to me and if I pull her out where will we be next year.

[Bridget]

LeeAnn,

So sorry to hear of this experience you are having, you sound very stressed out (rightfully so) and like everyone else I am hoping that you can get this straightened out soon so that you and your daughter can move on through the healing phase without this additional stress.

Here's my two cents: for the amount of money you are paying you might as well look around and find an environment that is accepting, even embracing of your daughter. I know it is possible. My son had an absolutely exceptional cooperative (parents participate in the classroom) preschool and they were our biggest support system during Ian's surgery at that age. The differences between our experience and what you describe makes me angry on your behalf!

I know change (and the thought of it even!) can be upsetting, but in this case I think you might want to consider moving on to a "safer" place for your family...this does not sound like a situation that is going to resolve itself smoothly.

I can relate to the problems you express with the school system, in fact, last year we deliberately scheduled my son's surgery so that he was in a hot sweaty cast all summer long rather than go through the hassle of trying to work with the school system to help him out after surgery. I just knew it would be a bad situation to put ourselves in, I am so glad we didn't bother with that particular battle! His teacher was nice, but frazzled with too many kids in the classroom. It was my feeling that to have relied on her for extra help in the classroom would have put her over the edge!

Choose your battles, save your strength, and do what is best for your daughter first and foremost. As her mom, you will know better than anyone how best to help her.

Good luck to you whatever you decide, and good luck to your daughter, we are all rooting for you!

Bridget

[TNT1999]

Lenni, it sounds like such an unpleasant and stressful environment for your daughter to be in. You already got some great feedback, so I'll just add my 0.02. You mentioned that Michaela is cognitively advanced and is bored in her class, but that you want to have her around other children. Well, under the circumstances, it doesn't sound like she's getting a lot of quality time around the other children right now. It also sounds like this teacher is in violation of a lot of laws that were put in place to protect our children. Based on what you wrote, my suggestion would be to pull her out of the school and either find a different school that can accomodate her or find 1-2 playgroups where she can get the socialization and play time with peers, but then get her "schooling" at home with you where her interest can be better kept. At the same time, I wouldn't give up on the school system b/c you've got many years ahead of you. I would take Rich's suggestions of trying to find an advocate to help you and get that IEP written. Michaela doesn't have to go to that pre-school in order to receive the school services. If you wanted to get her qualified to receive pre-school svcs, then they would likely only give you the option of their preschool. However, if she should be getting OT and / or PT, then that should happen regardless of where she goes to school -- if at all at this point. In that case, you would probably just have to take her to school for the PT / OT svcs, but that's it.

You're right, the fact that she needs more time to do things does say something in itself. I think that's very important esp. when a child is in a group setting with peers and is always the last one done. I don't think that's good for the self-esteem at all. That was part of my argument with our school yesterday -- quality of output and length of time it takes to complete the task. Maybe you can get an OT to do an evaluation using a timed test to indicate Michaela's special needs. Finally, the OT I met with at the school yesterday said that what would make the most sense in some cases is for them to make some modifications in the classroom that would enable Nicole to be successful with as little assistance as possible -- like "skipping a step" that would be set up for her or something of that nature. Then, when Nicole and the OT work one on one, they could work on that task start-finish to help Nicole get better at it w/o being frustrated and embarrassed around her peers.

Anyway, it sounds like there are major issues at the present school and it might take some time to resolve that -- at Michaela's expense. So again, I think what might be best is to pull her from the school now and do a playgroup or two while also working on getting the IEP done not only for next school year, but also so she could get services now and in the summer to help get her ready for kindergarten rather than waiting until it gets here.

I hope this helps and you get to a healthy situation soon.

-Tina )

[TNT1999]

SORRY, LeeAnne -- I realized right after I sent my note that I wrote Lenni. I know that I get the two of you confused all the time. I think it's b/c you both joined about the same time. I don't know, but anyway, I apologize! -Tina )

[admin]

wow that is a lot to think about we kept our daughter out of school during her mod quad splint, it was hard on her when the other children rejected her i think that it makes even small children uncomfortable when someone is different. at any rate it is only for 8 weeks and then she will have a much better range of motion and will be able to participate better in school afterwards. sometimes i think these are just the things that we have to deal with. i had to pay for school during my daughters absence and that was $600 month i just thought it was best for every one if she stayed at home during that time. any way that is just my perspective and whatever your decision on how to handle this your child deserves to be treated with respect by his teachers end of story.
good luck to you

[smorgan41]

I'm working in a public pre-school now as a grad asst. and don't understand what sort of teacher you are dealing with. We do help children with changing and even have some kids with disabilities who use diapers and we change them. All of these kids have IEP's. I think that is what you are going to need to get the teacher to acknowledge your situation. But it sounds as if this woman should not be in the classroom. Esp. working with any children with disabilities. We work everyday to include children with differing abilities in play and playground situations that work for everyone. My son with a BPI plays regularly with an autistic child with cerebral palsy. A good teacher facilitates these play experiences and no child should be left sitting outside in the hot sun with nothing to do during recess. Geez. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

[browning93]

Michaela is not in an ESE(special ed) program. She is in a regular program.

[smorgan41]

Our program isn't a special ed program. It is an inclusive pre-school with kid's with and without special needs. We would change a kid or help them in the bathroom even if they didn't have an IEP, just to help with learn self-help skills. Rich is right in his previous message to you. You need to find a lawyer and pursue this through the legal system.