how has your faith changed?

[B.V.]

since BPI?

[SusanLynn]

It has been enhanced with more sight, more appreciation, and a more realistic perspective.

[admin]

It has become a huge part of my life because without it I wouldn't have survived it. God understood even when nobody else did.

[admin]

I am a strong believer in God, but since my baby was born with a BPI, I find myself angry at Him and asking how He could allow such an innocent being to go through this, and wonder if I am being punished somehow. If I am, why not let me be hurt instead of my baby? I keep asking what lesson this is supposed to teach us. Why THIS baby? Why ANY baby?! All of this is silly, I know. But it's how I feel right now. I'm just trying to sort through all of the new theologic questions in my head. I feel like my prayers have been ignored (both for a healthy baby and for healing). Maybe someday I will learn this lesson and figure out where this injury fits into our lives, but right now the answer just isn't apparent, and it's hard to trust God when in some warped way I feel He allowed my baby to be injured, suffer, have pain, not be allowed a normal life. My baby is the most important thing in the world to me.

[BIGJAVSMOM]

Mine is totally and utterly restored. Praying is getting me through this, praying is what kept me from doing something stupid and going to prison. I know that we are mad about this still, but prayer let's me just enjoy my children regardless of the heart break that this injury has caused. And by the way, how come the docs aren't charged with assault and battery for this?


Marlyn

[babyryd]

I am so thankful to have had strong faith and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ prior to Chase's accident - I don't know how others get through this without hope in Jesus. I have never questioned "why" this happened to Chase, but it's been very difficult to accept. Initially I felt as though I went through a grieving process, almost as if I was mourning a loss. But God plucked me from the pit of dispair and and has allowed me to experience joy in the simplest of things. We feel so blessed to have Chase home and happy (for the most part) and basically himself. I know we have a long journey ahead and we'll have our ups and downs, but life happens that way...rejoice in your ups and hang on through your downs. I've claimed the following scripture for Chase and read it to him often to remind him that God will see him through this and with a promise of prosperity. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I often think about what might have happened had Chase not rec'd this injury at age 7, but had a much more serious accident as a teenager or an adult with greater devistation, and I thank God our beautiful son is alive and "well". As parents, it pains us greatly to see our children suffer, but no one knows that better than God. We can trust that He will see us through our hardships and suffering if we allow Him.
Lourdes

[claudia]

To the second guest:
I felt the same way you do. We are Jewish and are supposed to "name" our baby girls in the synagogue (the boys are named during their bris). My two other girls were named at 8 days old and at 4 months old (she had been a preemie, we wanted her strong). It took me until Juliana was a year old before I could step foot in a synagogue. It was difficult for me to bring my older kids to Hebrew School. It all seemed pointless. Somehow He had allowed an infant to be injured by someone else--how could that be? I didn't even go to High Holy Day services and refused to fast on Yom Kippur (the first time since I was 13 or when I was pregnant that I didn't fast).
Since then, I have tempered my anger. I am not angry at myself anymore, though I had always known I did not do anything wrong-I picked that doctor. And, I am not so angry at God. A little peeved sometimes, but not angry! Juliana is 5 1/2 years old now. She is a very smart, funny, personable, agreeable child. I learned from watching her that the anger gets you nowhere. She was never angry, just determined. I really do believe that things happen for a reason. I was sent this child, who was injured, for a reason. It is not always clear to me what that reason is. Did I need to learn about controlling anger? Was I to help others? Was I to stop trying to make everything "perfect"? Often, I am clueless as to the meaning. However, most days, she is just my little Julie. She has huge green eyes flecked with brown and the easiest laugh. And that is the child I woke up today for camp. That is the child who ate toaster waffles (for the umpteenth day in a row!). That is the child I helped get into her bathing suit and clothes and whose bag I packed and whom I handed a water bottle when the bus came early today.
I can go to Temple without a heavy heart now. And even perhaps with a greater understanding of how faith and religion are giving yourself over to what you really can't understand.
And Juliana starts Sunday school in September!

good luck,
claudia

[admin]

My faith was greatly tested by this inj. My middle child died at age 13, two yrs before James was born. James has a total plexus inj, the humorous in his lt arm was fx., and he had to be intubated. he was hospitalized for a week, with a couple visits to the er after he was released. when James was about six mos. old, I started to have panic attacks, nightmares, and serious depression. I went to a christian counseler, who really couldn't answer my questions. I decided to try medication with the therapy. Amazing what sleep will do for you. My son is six now, and I am still recovering. James will have at least two more surgeries soon. we are going to see Dr Kozin 8-1 for a consult. The bottom line for me is GOD is GOD. I actually got comfort from reading Job. Also, James is so wonderful!!!!!:) I can't thank God enough for blessing me with him, and that I'll see my David again in the hereafter. I think of all the Jews in the concentration camps and wonder how that could happen, and also the terror in the middle east now. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. I just try to take it one day at a time.

[tylergsmom]

I lost my faith for a really long time and blamed God for everything that had happened. Not only did Tyler have BPI, but on our way back from seeing a pediatric neurologist at the University of Kansas (in 1998), we were involved in a fatal car accident. My husband just wasn't paying attention and hit another car almost head on, killing the passenger in the other vehicle. Not only did I have the guilt of something my husband took away from another family, but then we also had to deal with the court proceedings from the accident, recover ourselves from the accident and also still deal with Ty's therapy and dr's appts. I was a complete mess! Just recently have I started going back to church and it has been almost 7 years since this all happened. My husband and I are now divorced and yes I still wonder why did these things have to happen, but instead of being angry about it all of the time, I try and tell myself that no matter how bad it is, these things always happen for a reason...even if I don't know what that reason is yet.

[admin]

My faith has really been tested. There are days I curse God and days I am thankful. I will always pray no matter how angry I am but I am more aware that God does not answer all prayers and I honestly wonder if he is even listening at all. I don't even pray for myself or for most of my family or friends like I used to....my prayers now are solely for my children and that God keeps them healthy and safe. Our children are the ones that deserve the miracles, so that's what I pray for!

Maybe someday when I get past some of the anger I hold on to every day, will I be able to forgive or at least try to understand God's reasoning. But for now the wound is just a little too fresh and I am not quite there yet.

Either way, I am still and always will be grateful for my children, my family and my life. And no matter how pissed I get, I will always believe in God, even though I may not agree with his work or plan.