Hey Janet - thanks! I think we all just do what feels right for the family. Our family has some strange things we do that I think most people would not understand! LOL YOU know what is best for YOUR family! With me I always let Brittney lead - if she had any questions or feelings then I'd try the best I could to answer without hurting her feelings or making her angry and I wanted to make sure that she knew that this doctor did not mean to hurt her. You know your son better than anyone! You'll know what to say when the questions start coming!:) It will come naturally to you because you love him so much.
Christy
disclosing settlement to child
Re: disclosing settlement to child
That's a tough question about the right age and I think it varies so much on the specific child. I used to think about that and wonder too, but then it unfortunately became a non-issue when we lost our trial.
About discussing what happened in general though. I talked to my daughter about it earlier than I ever thought I would, but it was somewhat unavoidable with going through a 2-week trial. Anyway, I told her that her shoulders were stuck and the dr. pulled too hard when he was trying to get her out. I told her that he made a mistake and that he didn't want to hurt her, but I also told her that even though everyone makes mistakes sometimes there are consequences when you make a mistake. Of course, his consequences aren't as great as I would've liked them to be, but at least he had to sit there in court for two weeks hearing about how severely he injured my daughter and at least it's on his record now.
It was kind of weird b/c during the trial, I was telling her that we were trying to figure out how she was injured and to see if it was the dr's fault (something to that effect). When it was over, while the jury apparently wasn't convinced, I knew that it was the dr's fault but I could not tell her that it wasn't his fault simply b/c the jury came up with that for their verdict. So I still told her the truth -- that it was his fault, but again that he didn't mean to injure her and that he was sorry for her getting hurt. It would've been nice to get an apology from him. He was in surgery the day the verdict came in (the lawyers had all figured the verdict would've come in the Friday before) which disappointed me a little b/c in my mind I always imagined him approaching me after it was all over and telling me that he was sorry. Guess I'll never know what he would've done at that moment. Oh well, time to stop rambling...
~Tina
About discussing what happened in general though. I talked to my daughter about it earlier than I ever thought I would, but it was somewhat unavoidable with going through a 2-week trial. Anyway, I told her that her shoulders were stuck and the dr. pulled too hard when he was trying to get her out. I told her that he made a mistake and that he didn't want to hurt her, but I also told her that even though everyone makes mistakes sometimes there are consequences when you make a mistake. Of course, his consequences aren't as great as I would've liked them to be, but at least he had to sit there in court for two weeks hearing about how severely he injured my daughter and at least it's on his record now.
It was kind of weird b/c during the trial, I was telling her that we were trying to figure out how she was injured and to see if it was the dr's fault (something to that effect). When it was over, while the jury apparently wasn't convinced, I knew that it was the dr's fault but I could not tell her that it wasn't his fault simply b/c the jury came up with that for their verdict. So I still told her the truth -- that it was his fault, but again that he didn't mean to injure her and that he was sorry for her getting hurt. It would've been nice to get an apology from him. He was in surgery the day the verdict came in (the lawyers had all figured the verdict would've come in the Friday before) which disappointed me a little b/c in my mind I always imagined him approaching me after it was all over and telling me that he was sorry. Guess I'll never know what he would've done at that moment. Oh well, time to stop rambling...
~Tina
Re: disclosing settlement to child
We have decided to wait to discuss the lawsuit part of this until Juliana is about 13 or so. Our biggest concern is that her 3 siblings will resent the money that she will get. Since we really don't treat her any differently from he siblings (she has to make her bed, set the table, put away her clothes...) they don't see her as "different" even though they know how hard she works. It is just a part of their lives. So, I really want to make sure they are well on the way to their own lives, before we present it to all of them. Also, we were advised to get a financial planner and have Juliana and my husband and I meet with him/her for a few years before Juliana turns 18. This way, if she wants to spend recklessly and doesn't want to listen to us, she might listen to the financial planner.
We also have not told the sibs yet because we don't want them talking to others about this monetary issue.
We are, of course, hoping that Juliana will just see the money as a bonus, but will continue on her path to set the world on fire!!!
claudia
We also have not told the sibs yet because we don't want them talking to others about this monetary issue.
We are, of course, hoping that Juliana will just see the money as a bonus, but will continue on her path to set the world on fire!!!
claudia
-
admin
- Site Admin
- Posts: 19873
- Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:59 pm
Re: disclosing settlement to child
I guess I really don't understand the juxtasposition of thought in that you evidently won a negligence suit and your statement that the injury may have been avoidable. If that injury were avoidable, I can't understand how you won your suit. Even if you entered delivery assuming some level of risk, you must have done so with really good intention yet with a lack of information.
I also do not understand your perception of your monetary settlement. The settlement should not be some delayed compensation for her current pain, it should be a resource to alleviate any current or expected pain; The settlement should not be a carrot for her courage, but something on an ongoing and planned basis to assuage her difficulty.
I also do not understand your perception of your monetary settlement. The settlement should not be some delayed compensation for her current pain, it should be a resource to alleviate any current or expected pain; The settlement should not be a carrot for her courage, but something on an ongoing and planned basis to assuage her difficulty.