Black Humor *WARNING: may be tasteless and crass to some!!

[Kath]

Lou
While I can never be a parent of an injured child no child is perfect and I just had a 37 year old in CCU... that being said I live OBPI and am faced with new challenges every day of my life... this is MY cradel to grave injury... that YOU can never understand... There are major problems for those of us who did not have the advantages of today treatments aging with bpi and humor helps those of us who are bpi injured. YOU are not injured and every one deals with things differently. I have three children and 5 grandchildren do you think for one minute I never faced any health problems (major one's) with them... humor has helped my family survive in the face of many rough life altering issues.
I have a serious injury and learned early in life that laughter is the best medicine.
So please don't tell me I don't understand just close the post and don't read anymore if it upsets you... why come here just to judge.
Kath

[crestmom7411]

I understand you saying you would rather see the positives. I am with you there 100%. It is great to find humor and joy from the things that hurt us. But to me it was like making fun of your childs injury. I'm sure that was not your intent. This injury affects not only our children but us, and we live with the pain and guilt every day of our lives. It may not only be the children who are affected, but they are the ones who will live with it every day of their lives. They are the ones who will be picked on in school, or stared at. I agree with you that humor helps, but sometimes it is best to keep your humor to yourself because not all people will find it funny. I guess I just don't find black humor funny. I also don't think it is funny to make fun of my childrens disabilities. I respect your feelings about using humor to deal with this injury and we have a right to disagree. I just think there is a time and place for things and I feel this wasn't the place for this.

[katep]

Kath,

You are so right. Whenever I find myself getting down and depressed about Joshua's injury, I remind myself that it is *his* injury, *his* cross to bear. The pain and grief I feel is mainly for myself and the loss of *my* dreams of what life would be for him. This is his life, all he's ever known.

When I start falling, I remind myself to stop feeling sorry for myself, that finding a way to be positive (even if it is through sick humor!) will be how I can help him most.

Maybe he *will* "talk with a lisp" if he learns sign language. His therapist laughed heartily when I told her I'd thought that, because she understands how obsessed I've been about what he may or may not be able to do. But gradually, and with a lot of effort, I am getting myself to a place where I can smile at him, be proud and encourage him to keep trying whatever he's doing that's hard (because of his arm)... with joy in my heart for his strength and determination, and *not* with tears in my eyes. And if he's not perfect, because of his arm, I hope he (and I) will be able to laugh it off. That is what I can do for him.

Kate

[katep]

Well, Crestmom... perhaps you ought to stop reading the thread, since you don't like black humor? I mean, "black humor" was in the title, and I even defined it at the beginning of the post. I'm sure you could have predicted you wouldn't like what you read... so why did you read it, and why do you keep returning?

I just can't understand why some people continue to pick and pick at a wound. If it hurts you or offends you, can you please just do yourself and everyone else a favor and restrain yourself from coming back again and again? You never post here anymore but to criticize. You've made your point, now stop torturing youself by continuing to read this thread, how about?

Isn't there enough negativity with this injury (and in life) without having to hoard it and create more?

Kate

[admin]

If I was able to rewind my life to Sept 26th 2001 and look at this thread I would be relieved. I would be thankful to have seen it when Ella was a newborn. I would understand that my tears would one day dry up and turn into something brighter. I would understand that life goes on and that no matter what the injury may bring to me...I will still be able to smile about it in one way or another. If I saw this post on September 26, 2001 I would understand that the mother who wrote the post must be very comfortable with her childs injury. Of course I would be sure to know that she still had sadness or pain b/c who wouldn't, but I would also understand that she was trying very hard to turn that sadness and pain into something more productive for her child and herself. It isn't making fun of her child. It isn't being rude about her child. It is her dealing with her pain and sadness and I would hope and pray that one day I would be able to turn my tears into a smile also. There are many ways to do this and maybe this is the best way for some. I see nothing wrong with it. To those of you who are against this post...I hope your children can smile about their injury one day and not walk with their heads down while being self conscious. Just my thoughts. No harm intended to anyone.
~Krista~

[SpeelmanC]

back to the humor, no more bad comments.

Last night we went with my family (on my husband's side) to get our pictures taken...15 kids, that ranged from 12 to 6 months...no, it was not fun and I wouldn't wish that on anyone...anyway, I got my daughter's picture done afterwards (LOBPI) and the photographer sat my daughter on her left side on the floor and was moving her left arm closer to her. I mentioned to the lady that we need to change to her right side so her right arm could hold her up and she said "sure"...my daughter says, "go ahead Mom, you can tell her the story about my arm" and I just laughed and said that's ok let's just take the picture this way.

It is ok to laugh, it is ok to cry...lets just get along with one another because life is TO short!

POSITIVE ENERGY TO ALL...

[admin]

I agree that humor is the best way to deal with this. The way I look at it, I can either laugh or cry; I have cried ENOUGH. There will be days that I will cry more, I am sure of that. We call our son the One Armed Bandit. He is SO crazy that we have joked about what the heck we would do if he DID have 2 functioning arms. My son has a very severe global injury, the ONLY way we can get through this is with laughter. We make jokes about what are we gonna do when he does break his "good" arm? Not IF but WHEN. He is nuts. I love him for it. He came to me yesterday and asked if I could take his splint off because it hurt, I did, and then he went on his merry way. Five minutes later, he came to me and asked if I could take his arm off (he is 2.5) because it hurt. That is so disturbing and painful that if I don't find some way to laugh about it, it will tear me apart. I want my child to grow up secure enough with himself that he can joke about his arm. His arm will NEVER be 85-90% healed. It just isn't going to happen for him, he needs to be able to cope with that in a positive way and humor, I think, it the best way to do it. If we cultivate this humor, when some punk kid teases him about his arm, he will be able to think of something witty to comeback with, if he is used ot being relaxed about it at home. If not, then he will be teased and will feel worse about himself, bitter about his injury, and even more self conscience thatn kids already are (even "normal" ones). I will not allow him to be bitter. This is his trial and we will teach him to handle it with humor and grace.

[m&mmom]

Kate,

I just re-read your post again because I needed to really laugh, it's just been that type of week.

You're question and answer example bring back so many memories of when Matthew was in a splint or cast recovering from surgery. I remember walking into Walmart and an employee screaming from across the room "OH MY GOD - WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR SON!!!!" I had so many thoughts running through my mind. I felt like telling her that he stood up in the cart last week and instead of making him sit down I pushed him out. Matthew was 2.5 at the time so I would have not even have thought of saying it out loud because he would have understood that.

I also remembered a time after primary surgery when we were at a fair, this one family kept following us around just looking and whispering. When Matthew would start to fuss my husband and I looked at eachother and said at the same time - wouldn't it be funny if we yelled "stop fussing before we hurt your other arm" loud enough for those horrible people following us to hear.

We as parents need to have an outlet to release emotions, laughter releases emotions and heals the soul.

Matthew has never made any comments about his arm being different so I don't have any stories from his mouth yet. Honestly, I think he doesn't really even notice his arm is different. The only thing he has asked about in his almost 4 years on this earth is his primary surgery scar. And when I reminded him of surgery to make his arm work better, he responded that his arm works fine and he never had surgery when he was a baby. We have never referenced his rbpi arm as anything other than his right arm/hand, we've never pointed out his injury or his inability to do something, we've just found other ways for him to do tasks. WOW did I go off on a tangent or what!! LOL. The kid has a great sense of humor and I'm sure he'll be using black humor himself someday.

Again Kate, thanks for sharing!!

[admin]

I would never have guessed that this topic would have become so controversial. When I first read kate's message the only thought that went through my head was, That's so funny, why can't I loosen up a little too and realize that life doesn't have to always be so serious. Maybe if I could laugh more about these things then I might get over this built up anger that I've had regarding my daughter's injury. With it only being 2 years ago that it happened, I still spend most of my days angry at the doctor or mad about the whole situation in general. Thanks kate, for helping me realize that it's much more fun to laugh than to be angry. I am sorry that some people were offended, but she did give a warning and you chose to ignore it.

[claudia]

Karen:
I laughed out loud at your story!!!! And now that we've met... I can just hear you saying it!

You know that saying about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger???
Well, I would like to amend it to say that what doesn't make us cry should make us laugh!

To Lou and those who are offended:
Oh, and the warning was there. Don't read it if you don't like it, but leave the rest of us to our sick, twisted senses of humor.

I want my daughter to meet the world head on, and I think her sense of humor will get her there.

claudia