Self esteem post,......Wow.

[smith727]

That post really hit a nerve. Don't know about the rest of you, but I have been poked fun of, set apart, and looked down upon to the point that I have absolutely had enough. Reading your stories makes me wish that we all lived in a commune together somewhere.
Along the same lines, since we can all relate, I'm wondering if anyone would be willing to share the nickname that has been especially hurtful. I have had the grand honor of bearing the title of "Chickenwing" for the past several years. This is a nickname that I picked up in prison, (I work there by the way,).
I could puke everytime someone calls me that, but I just grin and keep on going.
Anyone else got a nickname? Anyone else get theirs in prison??

[Kath]

Steve

I was taunted for having a "funny arm" and of course the core group of bullies also walked around imitating the way I moved. This type of teasing started in 1st grade and continued until high school graduation. I was also taunted because I was a redhead and had freckles. I don't know which of the teasings frustrated me the most. Of course the redhead nicknames were not as bad as the arm imitation.

Once I reach the ripe old age of 18 and out of school I was never taunted nor did people even comment on my arm ( with the exception of the rare ignorant jerk who ask in public because they are nosy.)Even in the workplace no one commented on my arm...
As I matured, I handled it better. Instead of ignoring ignorent comments, I addressed them with a responsible answer.

As an adult my redhair became more of an advantage. It distracted from my arm and my lack of function. The position of my arm was ignored. My Mom always told me that would happen but that did not sooth the sad feelings of a little girl... nor the damage to my ego/self esteem and the scars are still there but have healed over. it did not seem possible that the taunting would ever stop. now I know she was right.

I learned a life lesson from all the teasing. when I saw another person being mistreated I step up to help them. All of the taunting make me a stronger person and one who will not participate in gossip or leaving anyone out. I feel I was am more sensitive to the problem of people being bullied and how bullies operate. When my children were young I made sure that they did not participate in such cruel behavior. The lesson I learned the hard way, helped me to be a better person/parent when it comes to how to treat others. It was not lost nor wasted.

My arm just hangs most of the time. My hand is pronated and hangs so perhaps it is easy to hide. Or I have just become good at it!
Or maybe, I just don't care anymore in fact I like people to ask. It gives me an opportunity to educate and help with prevention.

I don't know how to change this nickname but there must be a way to change it so that it is no longer used by those you guard... my mom use to call me the angel with the broken wing. Maybe you can find another name that will better suit you. although the population you deal with will not give it up if it get's to you. I would not let anyone outside of that prision or co-workers use that term. I would just not answer when they use the "Chickenwing" name. no matter who uses it... prisioners can say officer and co workers can say Steve. I guess it is up to you to put a stop to it. We are always afraid to stand up because we don't want to appear overly-sensitive... well we are not overly-sensitive they are insensitive clods.
Kath

[Carolyn J]

Hi,...I had all of your experiences,and Kath's, plus alot of worse taunting in childhood; especially when I was sent all by myself to the YWCA to learn how to swim & bad things really happened there sooo of course I never learn how I was so tensed up I kept sinking.. anyway as and adult I covered up very well always carrying a book,notebook or pen in my left hand. As for my limp(left side is smaller shorter)as an adult woman I got comments about my "sexy" walk--LOL! I agree with Kath: it all made me a strong & compassionate person & of course it made me a better caseworker in my working days. Now in my 60's people just assume I've had a stroke. Ahhh yes... memories sometimes they sure pop up. Please come to Camp 2005 in October where we can all get together.
Carolyn J

[admin]

I am so sorry for what you all must have gone through. It truly breaks my heart because it was not right what happened -kids just did not understand. It was wrong- you all did not deserve anything and I am sorry for people being so "stupid"... I also wanted to say that maybe things are getting better - people are more understanding these days - not sure but my daughter has never had problems.
Are things getting better maybe? - There was one time though - a girl made fun - said, 'guess who I am" -had her arm bent, making fun of my daughter (I hate that kid! - sorry just the Mom in me!)- but other kids at the sleepover all slammed her for being so mean/hurtful cruel- they got angry at the girl who made fun of my daugher! Glad I wasn't there.... could have been ugly!
One kid in 6th grade told Britt she had a 'cool arm', most kids do not even notice - her PE teachers understand and her friends are always there. Before Christmas she came home and said - " Mom I forgot and put my right arm in my jacket first and couldn't get my left arm in" ... so two boys came to help her because they saw her trying to get her jacket on. They ran up and asked if they could help her! Pretty sweet of them. Another time in PE - she couldn't swing her bat in softball and when she asked for help - three boys came over and the PE teacher laughed and told them that one boy was plenty LOL - kids do have feelings and they seem to want to help. She has friends in PE that help her with all things - she is a good friend to them and they want to help her when she needs them. I'm not sure if it is where we live or if kids are nice here or what - but I wanted anybody out there to know that not all kids have a hard time - and I am very sorry for those who do. It must be awful to not be understood. I am sorry for what y'all must have gone thru - it was not right that you had to go thru that.
Christy

[Kath]

Christy
I really think things have changed since most of us were young. We were raised in a society that viewed all disabilities with a critical eye. Parents did not instruct their children how to treat other when it came to disability and our government did not give us any rights. Many people avoided those who appeared to have any disability especially blind and deaf people who had it much worse because they received little to no support from anyone but families.

I think children today are more sensitive to the feelings and needs of others and society has made a great many changes. I taught in an after school program and often had children with hearing and sometimes emotional problems. I was happy to see how willing to help and how kind the other children were with them. We have made great strides as human beings.

We were just sharing our experiences from the past. Often people use to associate physical disabilities with mental incompetence... Now we know better.
It is good/possibly healing for us to air these feelings but it should not scare parents. Sometimes it is hard for us to talk about these issues because we have stifiled them and did not have a place to share before UBPN. It is ok for parents to be aware that these things happened but it should be a thing of the past.
Thanks for the kind words.
Hopefully -- when we know better we do better.
Kath

[CW1992]

Thanks Kath,
I think too that kids are becoming more understanding and so are parents. I wore glasses as a kid - kids were not nice! My own family (brothers and sister) weren't nice! I think it is so great that we all can talk about our feelings here - it seems to be the only place where everybody understands!
Sometimes when I read posts on here I wonder just how much Britt is actually telling me - but I know that she is doing fine - just want to protect her if anybody isn't treating her right. Someday she'll be posting too - might find out alot that she never told me.

There are programs at the schools now here in TX - "Everybody counts" where they let the kids see what it is like to have limitations. They blind fold them and ask them to try to find their way around, they learn what dyslexia is, hearing impairment, have a wheelchair and try to get around, crutches,..... they try to cover as many disabilities as they can and the kids seem very caring and understanding, and it gives them a chance to experience life from a different view - something that these kids would never have realized. There should have been more programs like this years ago.
It helps me to read your posts and feelings.
Thanks,
Christy

[Carolyn J]

Good Morning all.
Thanks Kath and Christy, yes things appear to be getting better as children are being intergrated,"inclusion" it's call here in WA state in the schools.But... I agree with Kath: until coming to UBPN I had NOWHERE to share my experiences.As for parents, knowledge is power & if parents allow children to share & vent it is very HEALING if they don't have to stifle like we old ones had to do in order to fit in..especially to get jobs because there was no ADA back then.
Also I just want to share this: I always use Stephen Hawking as my all time example of educating people to when it comes to never discount that any disabled persons capibilities. There are beautigul minds and spirits inside of every one of us. We just have to continue to listen and encourage each other. I repeat the value of attending Camp 2005 in October!!
Off my soapbox this AM,
Carolyn J

[jep98056]

I think my growing up experiences are more in line with what Brittney is experiencing. My arm was essentially no big deal to my friends. They were a great group of neighborhood kids and we had a good time together. As I said in the self esteem post, one of them called me a "spas" while playing basketball one day and that really bothered me. However, he wasn't referring to my arm, just a lousy play I had made. He felt really bad when he realized how I took the remark.

John P.

[admin]

Chicken wing, gimp, a lot of being mad fun of and being chosen last. Of course I was a homely chubby kid which didn't help. I got pretty good grades in school, but used to lie awake nights before gym class, just dreading it!

[smith727]

The homely chubby aspect really didn't matter, I wasn't chubby, (though the homely aspect I may have been and still be guilty of.)
The kids of the eighties were off of their chains. I know what you mean by dreading gym class. The worst was when we had the "shirts" and "skins" separation. For those of you who don't know, that means that one team got to keep their shirts on, and the other team had to take their shirts off.
My phys. ed. teacher at the time always made sure that I got to be a skin.
The laughter made me hardened, and maybe it helped me, who knows??
I have since then gotten into judo and aikido. Have achieved a career in law enforcement, and have passed some stringent training courses including firearms, and SWAT training.
But if it was good medicine, it was bitter to swallow that's for sure.