Frustrating Post on Dr. Phil Message Board

[Tanner's Mom]

I still haven't had the chance to read all the posts on the Dr. Phil's message board but had a chance to glance at a few right now. Has anyone seen the recent post by "fonserman" (160) labor and delivery RN from Canada. Here are a few of my favorite quotes...
"But I think a brachial plexus injury is far better than a dead baby..."
"Things happen in delivery that can and can't be prevented, IT IS SIMPLY FATE THAT DECIDES WHAT WILL HAPPEN."
"Tanner was SIMPLY too big for her pelvis" (yes, after closing my birthing canal by up to 30% by birthing on my back and not being informed of basic biomechanics of female anatomy, or any possible options or choices regarding positioning.....I made my pelvis too small for my child. My child was not too big for my pelvis)

Sorry....just venting here. I think the "it is simply faith that decides what happens" is just the kicker. No wonder bpi rates have not changed in 20 years with this mentality. This is so sad and just so very scary.

Anyone up to replying to this one? I hate to think of all the posters reading some of this nonsense and believing it since she is an expert, an "RN"....much more qualified to speak then we are. Sure.

Tanya, are you out there? Maybe as a labor and delivery nurse, you could reply.

Thanks,
Lisa

[brandonsmom]

Lisa,
I have read most of the posts on Dr. Phil Message Boards and have replied to the most sof them, however, I stopped thinking that if they want to sound stupid let them. Everyone has an opinion, we KNOW what we know and if every DOCTOR or NURSE was PERFECT, we wouldn't have a wonderful community like this. I am not saying I think that my son's BPI is great, I am saying that I have met so many wonderful people and my son's injury has taught me so much. Was it fate? NO! But I wouldn't trade my child for the world. By the way, my son is 6, while watching Dr. Phil my husband made the comment that they must have been taping in my house back when he was little. It made me sad, yet happy that I have come so far. GAyle mom of Brandon 6 year old with ROBPI

[admin]

Lisa,
you should have asked her where in Canada...maybe she's the dumb b*&$# that caused my daughter's BPI. Afterall, it was a nurse that delivered her, not the OB! Fate my a$@! Those are the people I'd like to take aside and have someone restrain their shoulder while I pull and twist with all of my might on their head and neck to see how they like it! I can understand accidents can and do happen but I cannot tolerate ignorance and negligence!

Shellie (also an RN but one that deserves and has earned a license)

[admin]

I can understand the frustration as a fellow bpi parent, however I have a different spiritual outlook. I feel our children chose to come into this world with this injury. Our children are serving a purpose which is far greater than we understand.

I do feel the deliver RN could have stated opinions better though.

[2kids4us]

Guest, I think your opinion of our children chosing to come to this world with this injury is outrageous. I think a better statement would be we had doctors who chose not to practice the standard of care in delivery. A higher power has something in mind for us and them as a result, but I do not think it was the children making this choice.

[CW1992]

Hi Lisa,
People can be so stupid..... but the way I see things - or try to see things - is that my daughter was strong and there is a reason she was injured. I know it sounds really stupid - but she has made such an impact on so many other people and maybe that is why God chose her - to stand out as a great kid with an arm injury. She is tough. Most people do not understand, but some do - and they see the determination and the drive in her - I do believe all things happen for a reason - but it's so hard to understand why "my child' but what I hope in my heart is that there is a reason for everything in the long run of life. I let Brittney read this post - she was funny - said " like you should re-do your bone structure - isn't that what the doctor is supposed to know - you can't help how big your pelvis is Mom, or what kind of bone structure you have - how are you supposed to know if you can deliver a baby safely - the doctor should know. We cried together tonight - she didn't realize how much guilt I have felt. She told me that there was no reason to feel so guilty for her injury - that there is no way I could have known and that she loved me. We had the conversation that I have been wanting to have for years - it happened tonight - and she hugged me, cried with me, and we laughed for some reason..... It is nice when they get older and you can explain what happened and the feelings that go with the injury.
I love her so much - she makes us all happy with her non-stop smiles.... I don't want to leave this post on a downer - just filled up 27 Christmas party bags for all of her closest friends at school in her classes - she is doing great. Some party bags for girls and some for boys - she has a big crowd that she hangs with.... but it was so nice to finally tell her my feelings about her birth and how sorry I was that she was injured and that if I could - I'd do things differently = her hugs were great -
Christy

[Shannon03]

Christy, what a wonderful day for you both! Your daughter is very grown up. Lisa, your courage and strength is to be applauded. I was unable to see the show but a family member that we will be visiting for Christmas taped it for me. (But I was able to read the slide show summary on Dr. Phil's site).
Shannon

[Tanner's Mom]

Thanks to everyone!

Christy,
I am sitting here in tears. Like I didn't cry enough on the Dr. Phil Show! Your post was soooo beautiful and so touching. I haven't really even thought that far into the future, but I hope I can share that moment with my son someday as well. I want to give him a big hug and let him know how much I love him, and how much I wish I could have protected him. I think that is where I will carry the most pain with me. It won't be on my mind every minute of every day. We live, laugh and love, and are creating a beautiful life, but there are times where all of this sneaks up on you and times where the emotions just surface. IF ONLY I COULD HAVE PROTECTED MY PRECIOUS BABY! Darn....that hurts. Anyways, I TRULY appreciated your post tonight, even though it got those tears flowing again. You did not have to share such a personal and profound moment in your life with us. I just hope you know how much it was appreciated. I so look up to you and your daughter. Your attitude is incredible and your daughter is something else! Thanks for being so positive and helping others along the way.

Lisa

[phaliscak]

Hi Lisa,

I just read the post you mentioned above and someone did reply. She did a wonderful job and I felt she represented all of our babies very well in her comments. Someone else also mentioned the statistics about spina bifita and how the public is very well educated about folic acid and how the statisctics are much higher with birth injury yet there is no medical inforamtion out there to help prevent it. Loved that post!!

Finally, I want to say what you have done has taken a lot of courage and commitment. You put your heart and vulnerablity out there on the line for everyone in the world to see for the sake of shaking and waking up the world on what is quietly being tucked under the rug, disregarded as "fate" and lied about to the public. Funny thing about the truth. It will always find a way to come out no matter how hard the culprit tries to hide it. You have opened the doors to awareness of BPI and like so many of us we pray that it is only the beginning.

Patty

[Kath]

Lisa
I am thrilled to see the reception here in my small town to the Dr.Phil show. I was at church this morning and stopped to visit at the Parenting Center. They were talking about Dr.Phil's show. I had a chance to explain that Mom's are made to feel that it is their fault.

The parents wished Dr.Phil had allowed more about prevention. They were not aware of the problems created by giving birth on you back. Nor did they realize that the CDC has no statistics. Or how ofetn this occurs. They only know me and my yearly talks to them. It's was funny because my daughter runs the Parenting Center and guess what her friends did not realize my very limited ROM... they were shocked. They did not know that video is not longer allowed in Delivery rooms. So sweetie you touched so many people and educated so many parents with your tears.
I don't think you cried all the time...

Like Christy and Brit I had great conversations with my Mother about my arm and injury. I always knew the doctor pressed too hard. I never realized how much hurt my injury caused her. She was good at covering her pain. Meeting all of the parents at UBPN and the fact that they shared their feelings helped me to understand the pain my mother felt. That is why I made a choice to become active with UBPN because I want to honor my mother for her hard work love and care. I also want to see all of the parents here be healed and guilt free.

Thanks so much to your entire family for doing this for all of us.

Kath