Classmate notices my son's arm

[admin]

Nancy:

This is what I fear most for my daughter when she gets older. We are fortunate that we do live in a small community and the student population doesn't change dramatically from year to year. so most of her peers will be with her from the start and be well aware of her injury. However, just in case a new kid comes to the school or we move, I have decided I need to know how to handle bullies (and that's what these kids are). I am reading a book called "The bully, the bullied and the bystander" by Barbara Coloroso (pub:Harper Collins ISBN#0006394205). It is very, very good and I would definately recommend reaading it- I would also lend it to your principal or school counsellor-

Good luck

[Ginne]

Nancy:

This is what I tend to fear the most. That someone will tease and/or torment Melissa because she is a little different than the other kids.

Right now we are fortunate that we live in a small community and our school does not have a high student turnover. (My 9 yr old daughter has been in school with the same kids since Junior Kindergarden (when she was 4yrs old)). Melissa peers will be with her from a very young age and be well aware of her injury.

However, if we move or if new kids transfer in from other schools/areas, I want to be prepared for any bullying that occurs.

I recently bought a book called "The bully, the bullied and the bystander" by Barbara Coloroso (pub:Harper Collins ISBN#0006394205). This book was great and I would recommend it to any parent that is having issues with bullying in school. I would also recommend lending it to the school principal and school counsellor.

Good luck

Ginne

[Mom of 3 boys]

Some kids seem better equipt than others to deal with questions.

I think we are lucky as we also live in a small town and as our son is only 6 his friends have not noticed yet. Hopefully because of this delay he will not have to address the issue often and will be mature enough to let it slide.

My older son is now almost 13 and was born with an amniotic band on his right hand. Because of it he is missing all of the digits on his right hand. This was pointed out to him at the very young age of three.
He cried that night and demanded that we fix the fingers on his stuffed animal because they were broken. I had to tell him that that was the way it was made and we cannot fix it.

Kids do not really fully understand that they are different until someone else tells them they are.

A very simple, "I was born that way." seems to be about all most kids can understand. Too much info just serves to confuse and encourage more questions.

I was very proud of my older son the other day. A little four year old girl on the playgound asked him why his hand was that way and he just told her that he just had one hand that was little like hers and held his hand so she could measure her hand against his. She just said, "Oh, I didn't notice it before. That's neat."

The best thing any parent can do is introduce children to other children with differences. Not every child is physically or mentally perfect and children need to know that reguardless of what their lot is in life.

If you cannot find another human being I can tell you Little Critter has a book on a little boy in a wheel chair and I am sure that there are other books available for children as well.

My aunt once told me that no matter how bad off you think you are there will always be someone else who is worse off than you. There is always something to be greatful for.

[dmom]

This is such a good discussion. Kath, your comments about Nemo really made me see it a new way. Thanks. I think a lot of us who've seen Nemo see that character through the adoring father fish's eyes -- Nemo as the special, much-beloved child. That's how we see our BPI child, as an adored child whose arm gives us that extra ounce of concern. We haven't viewed the movie as someone with the BPI would.

Another thought on sensitivity ... my husband and I always used to admonish our older daughter not to pull on Danny's "bad arm." Then we realized that we don't want him going through life thinking his arm is bad. So now, when we have to, we call it his "hurt arm" or just his left arm. (The only "bad" in this scenario was my OB's delivery skills!)

Janet

[Kath]

Janet
Your welcome,
I really understood it from the parents view and had to bite my tongue for some time on posts about Nemo when it first came out... My kids know I love to watch the movies with their children and could not understand my point of view... to them Nemo was a hero and I guess to them I am their hero and Mother so nothing is wrong with me... it is like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder.......

It was common to call our arms the "bad" arm and when I was young it meant the arm that was hurt or did not work properly...
My parents never had a name for it they used the term right and left arm... we all knew my right arm was injured but it was not the topic of converation at all times in our home.

I hate to this day if someone asks which is my bad arm.
Kath

[hope16_05]

Personally I dont see any thing wrong with the Nemo analogy. Nemo has a disability and he over comes it, just like we all do We have a BPI and we all learn to over come.

So what if some one calls you Nemo, maybe it is their way of showing that they respect you for your ability to over come any problem you face!

I think that my BPI arm is a huge part of who I am today, I think that with out it I would not be any where near the person I am today. Last weeked I went to an interview and one of the questions asked was what are you most proud of, Well I explained about my arm and how I was most proud of my ability to play softball, then they asked me how my bpi has affected me as a person, Then I told them how it only makes me stronger, it may take me a little longer to do something but I will find a way to do it.

Being called Nemo would be an honor, because that shows that I have been able to face all of my challenges!

Amy(NEMO)

[jep98056]

Amy:
Your perspective about your injury will take you a long way.

John P. (65, ROBPI)