Classmate notices my son's arm
Classmate notices my son's arm
My son (who is in 2nd grade) had a classmate ask him "why is your arm croked?". The doctors years ago predicted this--they said when your son gets to be about 7 he'll start having people notice his arm--they were right. I didnt think it at the time!! Josh and I sat down and talked about his feelings about her asking and what he could say to other kids if they ask. I parelled about NEMO having one good fin and the other was "smaller". He really like that. This was really hard for me because I really thought he was OK and no one really noticed his arm being a little different. Just wanted to share.
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
Thank you for sharing that. My son is only 1 and just had his 1st Mod Quad surgery. I'm sure he will experiece the same with other children. I love the NEMO relation, his dad called it his "lucky fin"
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admin
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Kath
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2002 4:11 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: I am ROBPI, global injury, Horner's Syndrome. No surgery but PT started at 2 weeks old under the direction of New York Hospital. I wore a brace 24/7 for the first 11 months of my life. I've never let my injury be used as an excuse not to do something. I've approach all things, in life, as a challenge. I approach anything new wondering if I can do it. I tried so many things I might never have tried, if I were not obpi. Being OBPI has made me strong, creative, more determined and persistent. I believe that being obpi has given me a very strong sense of humor and compassion for others.
- Location: New York
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
I still have times when someone will ask what is wrong with my arm. Give him a simple matter of fact answer for the kids.
"I was injured when I was born." that's all the other children need to know. They are little and I feel don't mean any harm.
Now please all you parents who love Nemo excuse me...
I hate the Nemo thing.
I finally sat down and saw it because my kids told me I just did not understand the story it was not about his fin.
They thought I would love it!
I got it!
I understand he was the hero of the movie and I still don't think of myself as a Nemo. Nor would I want anyone else to compare me to Nemo. One of my real concerns is that at some point someone will decide to give one of the kids a nickname and it would be Nemo.
ok you can tell I just saw the movie... of course my kids still don't fully understand because they never really noticed my arm until recently when I began to talk about it.
They can never see it through my eyes. I am OBPI I would never want anyone looked at me as a person with a smaller arm who made it in life.
My arm was a very small part of who I am and what I am about.
In the last 5 years it has become a major topic of conversation because I realize I was not the only one with this injury and can now help to make a difference for others with this injury.
Kath
"I was injured when I was born." that's all the other children need to know. They are little and I feel don't mean any harm.
Now please all you parents who love Nemo excuse me...
I hate the Nemo thing.
I finally sat down and saw it because my kids told me I just did not understand the story it was not about his fin.
They thought I would love it!
I got it!
I understand he was the hero of the movie and I still don't think of myself as a Nemo. Nor would I want anyone else to compare me to Nemo. One of my real concerns is that at some point someone will decide to give one of the kids a nickname and it would be Nemo.
ok you can tell I just saw the movie... of course my kids still don't fully understand because they never really noticed my arm until recently when I began to talk about it.
They can never see it through my eyes. I am OBPI I would never want anyone looked at me as a person with a smaller arm who made it in life.
My arm was a very small part of who I am and what I am about.
In the last 5 years it has become a major topic of conversation because I realize I was not the only one with this injury and can now help to make a difference for others with this injury.
Kath
Kath robpi/adult
Kathleen Mallozzi
Kathleen Mallozzi
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
Kath - I agree 100%!!! At the end of swim team last season they decided to give a special swimmer the 'Nemo Award' and both Chip and I looked at eachother in horror - because I knew that Brittney would hate to be given that award or that nickname for life - but luckily some other kid's name was called out. The award ended up going to a kid who had broken her arm and swam with a cast for a few weeks - and that kid will not have that nickname. Nicknames stick with kids throughout life and they are hard to get rid of. I actually was worried what Britt would think about the Nemo movie - if she would see a connection and if it would bother her - but she didn't say much during it (I rented it) but it's almost like she didn't see the connection because she does not see herself with a 'lucky arm'... She did laugh alot thru it though but there was no connection because her arm is not really who she is at all. She did crack up at the part "just keep swimming..." she said she sang that to herself while swimming lap after lap during practices - but she did not relate to the movie.
Thanks Kath for expressing your feelings,
Christy
Thanks Kath for expressing your feelings,
Christy
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NancyP
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
Kelsey never saw the connection between Nemo's fin and her arm. I am not against using this for the kids, I just chose not to put it out there for Kelsey. I waited to see if she would make the connection, and she didn't.
Kid's ask Kelsey about her arm all the time. There is a very obvious difference between her left OBPI arm and her right arm. No way around it. She tells them it's a long story, or that it happened when she was born. If we are in the store and someone is staring at her, she will walk up to them and hold her arm out and say BRACHIAL PLEXUS! and then walk away. She is almost 8 and is pretty perceptive. She HATES when people ask her if her arm is broken, but will tolerate kids if they just ask her what happened. I don't answer questions for her unless she asks me too. I always wait for her, then if an adult needs more explaining, I will do it.
School is rough. Some kids are really mean. Kelsey has an older girl that has started calling her Freak. I am working with the school to get that one stopped as we speak. It has happened twice now. We talk ALOT about school, and she tells me about 25% of what happens to her. Most of it she lets roll off her shoulders. Some of it really bothers her.
I know you are feeling sad for your son right now. I feel sad for Kelsey everytime she comes home telling me about a kid talking to her. I feel bad that she has to put up with all the questions. But I really feel it has made her a VERY strong girl and she has a great sense of humor.
Good luck to you!
Kid's ask Kelsey about her arm all the time. There is a very obvious difference between her left OBPI arm and her right arm. No way around it. She tells them it's a long story, or that it happened when she was born. If we are in the store and someone is staring at her, she will walk up to them and hold her arm out and say BRACHIAL PLEXUS! and then walk away. She is almost 8 and is pretty perceptive. She HATES when people ask her if her arm is broken, but will tolerate kids if they just ask her what happened. I don't answer questions for her unless she asks me too. I always wait for her, then if an adult needs more explaining, I will do it.
School is rough. Some kids are really mean. Kelsey has an older girl that has started calling her Freak. I am working with the school to get that one stopped as we speak. It has happened twice now. We talk ALOT about school, and she tells me about 25% of what happens to her. Most of it she lets roll off her shoulders. Some of it really bothers her.
I know you are feeling sad for your son right now. I feel sad for Kelsey everytime she comes home telling me about a kid talking to her. I feel bad that she has to put up with all the questions. But I really feel it has made her a VERY strong girl and she has a great sense of humor.
Good luck to you!
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admin
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Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
So here's a story about that Nemo thing...
This summer we went to Disney. We allowed the kids to each pick ONE thing as a souvenier from the trip. They had each picked their thing, except for Juliana. So we went into a store on Main Street...and we were showing her everything... One of her sibs saw a Nemo stuffed toy. It was very cute and soft. "Do you want the Nemo?" "ummmm I don't think so." "Have you ever noticed that Nemo has one big fin and one small fin?" "Hey, wow, he does!" "Do you know anyone else who has one fin bigger than the other?" "Ummm..no." Says her brother "Who has one fin bigger than the other?" Says the twin sister "Who do you think?" "ooohhhh, Juliana..."
Lesson to be learned...Juliana does not see it the way we do. And her sibs really do not see it the way the parents do!!!
Instead of projecting onto Juliana what I think she must be feeling (because I feel that way), I have really started to ASK her what it is like for her. She told me ALOT when she didn't think that her arm was smaller...she told me that it just is the way it is.
As for kids noticing...well, people notice all kinds of things. "hey, you have blue eyes!"
And by the way...Why does Disney always kill the mother??????????
claudia
This summer we went to Disney. We allowed the kids to each pick ONE thing as a souvenier from the trip. They had each picked their thing, except for Juliana. So we went into a store on Main Street...and we were showing her everything... One of her sibs saw a Nemo stuffed toy. It was very cute and soft. "Do you want the Nemo?" "ummmm I don't think so." "Have you ever noticed that Nemo has one big fin and one small fin?" "Hey, wow, he does!" "Do you know anyone else who has one fin bigger than the other?" "Ummm..no." Says her brother "Who has one fin bigger than the other?" Says the twin sister "Who do you think?" "ooohhhh, Juliana..."
Lesson to be learned...Juliana does not see it the way we do. And her sibs really do not see it the way the parents do!!!
Instead of projecting onto Juliana what I think she must be feeling (because I feel that way), I have really started to ASK her what it is like for her. She told me ALOT when she didn't think that her arm was smaller...she told me that it just is the way it is.
As for kids noticing...well, people notice all kinds of things. "hey, you have blue eyes!"
And by the way...Why does Disney always kill the mother??????????
claudia
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Kath
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Mon Nov 18, 2002 4:11 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: I am ROBPI, global injury, Horner's Syndrome. No surgery but PT started at 2 weeks old under the direction of New York Hospital. I wore a brace 24/7 for the first 11 months of my life. I've never let my injury be used as an excuse not to do something. I've approach all things, in life, as a challenge. I approach anything new wondering if I can do it. I tried so many things I might never have tried, if I were not obpi. Being OBPI has made me strong, creative, more determined and persistent. I believe that being obpi has given me a very strong sense of humor and compassion for others.
- Location: New York
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
Well, Rich thanks for clearing that up. It always seemed like the Mother died... Snow White, Beauty and the Beast. Who was the Little Mermaids mother? I have to look at that again.
Claudia its funny how people love to tell us what we should think...
it use to be our parents and now my kids were trying to tell what I should feel?
They just don't get it... at least my husband understood.
Claudia its funny how people love to tell us what we should think...
it use to be our parents and now my kids were trying to tell what I should feel?
They just don't get it... at least my husband understood.
Kath robpi/adult
Kathleen Mallozzi
Kathleen Mallozzi
Re: Classmate notices my son's arm
As for Disney and the mom always dying...
I heard an interview with a psychotherapist or something like that, and they mentioned this business of the mom dying - mostly older disney movies and many fairytales. This guy described it as "What is a child's worst nightmare? Losing your mommy. What then is the most uplifting and supportive story? Surviving losing your mommy."
Since then, I haven't been so irritated at Disney for killing off all the moms. It's because we are so important
Kate
I heard an interview with a psychotherapist or something like that, and they mentioned this business of the mom dying - mostly older disney movies and many fairytales. This guy described it as "What is a child's worst nightmare? Losing your mommy. What then is the most uplifting and supportive story? Surviving losing your mommy."
Since then, I haven't been so irritated at Disney for killing off all the moms. It's because we are so important
Kate