positive outlook

[christy]

As time goes on most of us find we get so busy in our kids normal day activities and see them move on we learn to move on as well. BUT there are things that set us back and the hurt and anger come right back with full force. But it doesn't last as long and it doesn't devestate us quite so badly.

I agree that accepting that we have this hurt and anger is healthy because then we can work on overcoming it. Bridget brought up a good point--that first year is awful. You see and hear things that you never thought you would have to deal with your new baby and you are afraid--what is going to happen to my baby, and the prayers that it will be ok. It is just a very hard year. But once again, as you see your child doing more and more, while you can't really foget that they have trouble doing this or that or have to adapt, you do move on and rejoice in each new accomplishment. Such as playing and smiling at you with those angelic eyes shining. Thanks Katie for being you, brachial plexus arm and all. We all love you very much.

[francine]

I believe it's much harder for parents whose kids have one or more surgeries to find their way to positive thinking so easily. Each time a child has surgery, all the old hurts and anger and grief gets conjured up again. It's a major rollercoaster. I think we all present as positive a side as we can to our children but deep inside we are really hurting or at least go in and out of hurting. The stress of going through a surgery, and then the post surgical splinting and then the rehab is extremely difficult and unless you've been through that you can read about it and think you understand it but you really don't. It's almost like a monster that grabs you by the throat. And a good amount of additional stress comes from the bipolar aspects of it - meaning showing your child your positive face and knowing that inside is something completely different.

respectfully,
francine

[m&mmom]

Sarah,
I also went through an anger stage, thought I was through it and went throught it all over again (especially since my first child was rbpi and it wasn't supposed to happen again). I had to make a decision to dwell in anger or move on. It was easier than I thought and the way I did it was to try and make life as normal as possible. A while back I used to be very angry because life changed and was more difficult but we learned to "adapt" and move on. Through moving on I've reached forgiveness and life is back to "normal" (whatever that is anyway, lol). My husband and I try not to hide our emotions in front of the kids because we feel it causes more harm than good. We feel that no matter how hard you try to bury emotions kids can pick up on that stuff quickly. The steps I took were anger, acceptance (but not really because I went back to anger), then acceptance again, then forgiveness. A lot of the anger resurfaced when Matthew had primary surgery. I guess what I've been trying to say is try not to let this anger control your life, yes life will change but your end result is a beautiful little girl. Good luck on your journey and sorry for the novel but I hope it helps some.
Cindy

[SarahR]

Francine - I think you're right that you can't understand completely unless you've been through it. We're just at the beginning of Emma's journey so we haven't had to deal with anywhere near as much yet as most of the parents here. As I read postings from other parents about what they're going through with their children, I quite often think that I can't imagine what it's like. There are so many things that haven't even crossed my mind yet - like the discussion about baseball the other day.

One thing that has struck me throughout the postings is the courage and strength of the parents. It's amazing. My heart goes out to everyone who is affected by these injuries. From what I've seen so far, it's a tough road, but we all have beautiful children who are worth it.

Sarah

[marissmatt]

Sarah,
Joe here "marissmatt's" dad I can only imagine what your going through but i believe your on the right track. Keep at the gym, great stress relief.
We have 2 children and i would not want to see them go through a B.P. injury or any other so my heart goes out to you, try and remain positive and believe that this too shall pass.
I am a police officer and was shot new years eve injuring my bp, leaving my right arm essentialy flail.
but the right hand has a little movement. For the childrens sake i remain as positive as can be and attempt to keep life as normal as possible. Everyday answering ?'s about the injury so innocently presented by the children. As mentioned above about the anger i think it is part of the healing process, thankfully for my partner and i the shooter only made it out of the house in a body bag, perhaps calming some of my anger! God bless to all of you with little ones suffering from injuries.