positive outlook

[marymom]

sometimes how I looked at Max was completely a matter of conscious choice~*(as opposed to natural refective exchange) I wanted to look at his arm and critique his recovery or any possible obstacles ...after all it seemed the critical mind was only natural with an injury that needed constant work...or...is it~?
I had to make a decision to choose NOT to look every time at his arm...when I started to talk to someone, to discuss how well he improoved as opposed to what small factor(or large) that I thought needed improoving...and I wasnt always 100% on it either...
...and it was hard because in some support groups it was much more acceptable to discuss the problems and challenges than the everyday fun things ...after all whats a support group for? ...but I noticed that the times I could discipline(thats what it took for me to be positive, conscious awareness,choice,and the discipline to follow thru as often as I could)myself to look at the positive, I saw my son responding better...and thats all it took for me to begin to make the change to becoming a positive watcher., and it wasnt overnight and it isnt 100%...but the orientation of positive is so much healthier for my son...that I thought it might possibly help someone else out there with theirs...and theres that serenity prayer
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
sometimes it IS just an arm~
for me sometimes it is about choice~ effort~discipline~
for me, thats how it is for me and if that can touch someone than so be it and if it does not resonate with you than please disregard, it is written with love, blessed be~ mary

[Joann in PA]

Mary...I totally agree with you! ~~Joann

[Lenni]

Keep up the great attitude! I couldn't agree with you more, positive thinking creates positive expectations. Thank you so very much for sharing your insight.

Lenni

[Bridget]

I think that with time we all (as parents) are able to adapt and grow to see our children for their entire wonderful selves instead of focusing so much on "the arm"...but, that first year after a birth injury seems to be the hardest...recovering from the shock, trying to absorb so much and making difficult decisions.

Of course to make an effort to be positive and to see the good in every situation is admirable, but let's also remember to be gentle with ourselves and allow ourselves to progress through all the necessary stages of healing/grief.

We are all doing the best we can with the situation we find ourselves in. I am continually impressed with the wonderful positive parents that I see and meet (both online and in person). I consider our community to be overall well-adjusted, especially given the nature of our "togetherness."

Bridget

[SarahR]

How do you get over the anger? I'm usually very calm and laid back, but since my daughter was injured, I've been angry and frustrated so much of the time. I know that I'm lucky to have such a beautiful and delightful child, but I'm so angry that she - and our family - has to deal with this situation. I hate feeling this way, and I know it's not healthy for any of us.

Sarah

[Bridget]

Sarah,

I can identify with your feelings of anger. Maybe each of us reacts to this anger and trying to move through it or resolve it in different ways. For me, writing was the key, and acting to try and bring our community together and to increase awareness...with the ultimate goal of preventing this from happening to others. Working for this cause is in part what has helped me release and work through anger...because I feel that if I at least can make something positive come out of a traumatic experience I will be healing. But I'm not sure the anger will ever go away completely? It still rears it's ugly head for me from time to time.

From what I have read, anger is a normal part of the grieving process...there are many good books out there on grief and moving through it. Just go to your bookstore (or Amazon.com!) and ask for the section with that sort of book. You will be surprised at how helpful some of those resources can be.

Best of luck.

Bridget

[Lenni]

Anger is an acceptable and natural feeling when you are done wrong by someone. Nobody disputes this, but in time we realize that it will not solve anything, or make you feel better. It is part of the process though and something we all have to go through too. For me I have had two friends who lost their children at birth, and another who's 3 year old is battling brain and spine cancer, they have nobody to blame. I have only to look at them and gather strength from watching them carry on.

I tell myself to be grateful for my child and the fact that she will grow and enjoy her life, perhaps with more difficulty than others, but live never the less.

This is what helps me every time I get angry.

Good Luck!

Lenni

[marymom]

I think accepting the fact that you are angry and looking at the idea that you would be healthier not angry is exactly where you start if you are choosing to try and get past it.
There are alot of things you can do physically that are actually great therapy too for the little one, exercise and yoga,BREATHING, walking,running...biking...
allowing yourself to be pissed -get pissed- withthe intention of getting it out so that you can replace the anger with a more positive energy...not that anger is bad, anger can be healthy for a while too, Refocusing on therapy is a big one for "us" I think, refocusing on anything is a good idea i think, but all that is just personal opinion,
mine I mean

[browning93]

I too try to look at the whole person, not just "the Arm". When I find it the hardest is in public. Every shopping trip, grocery store especially , we have to hear "what happened to her arm"? I'm usually not rude but the older people are the worst!! I just got to where I just say she has a palsy and leave it at that. Now with the SOL splint it's even worse. Now I just say she had shoulder surgery. It bothers me because I wonder how it makes her feel. LeeAnne

[SarahR]

I know it will get better with time, but I'm angrier now than I was when we first knew what happened - perhaps because I've had a couple of months for the reality to sink in. I'm trying to focus on what I can do to help Emma, but I keep drifting back to thinking about what's wrong. I started back at the gym this week. I think that will help me work off some stress - although even there I had a reminder of the problem: Emma was wearing her wrist splint when I left her at the gym's daycare and they asked me how she broke her arm

On a positive note, I know that we're doing everything we can to help our child. That helps too.