just needing a good cry

[carron]

The lady I meet from early intervention called me today she is so nice she said she had been praying for Thomas and me. She said she relized I was so depressed and she was worried about me. It made me cry to think this stranger even cared what I was going through. She talk to me about how we lost our healthy baby and that we sometime blame ourself for what happend to them. And thats me. I worked in a hospital most of my life and I should have seen all the signs. But I also know the doctor should have too. It hits you at times like today you go and go therapy, house work, taking care of the other kids and wham! You get a reality check and the flood gates open! I was told God gives us only what we can handle. But I don't know how much more I can handle. My mother is sick she has been battling cancer for the last 5 years and its come back and has spread to her bones in her chest and arms she has not even got to hold Thomas because she is afraid she will drop him. But she is still fighting. She said she will fight as long as she has fight in her! and its been a year since they told her it had come back and the tumors in her lungs have almost gone. So I know God does answer prayers because I could not make it with out her. She is unbelievable. I guess she teaches me without knowing it. My son Aaron is 9 and wrote a speech for 4-H at school and he wrote it about his little brother with a broken wing. It was amazing to me to relize he wonders how he will tie his shoes and play ball they think about Thomas too. How do we help them cope with all this. Sorry for this being so long but I know I friends in all of you too. And I pray for us all. Carron

[Kathleen]

Carron

I don't have any healing word to say. But I will say a prayer tonight for you your Mom and your family.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
(((((( hug))))))

Take care and try to get some rest.
Kath

[Paula]

Carron, you know I have days when I feel just like you are now. I think about all the people that tell me that they admire me so much for my "strength". And I just have to laugh out loud, these people have no idea that sometimes it is 2am and I am still awake and I have to go to another room and "let it out" so that my husband will not know I'm down. I feel like I need to contact the Area Mental Health so that I may get some much needed prozac on some days. But in the end just holding my baby makes it all go away for me. No matter how injured, to me he is just perfect. And so is Thomas, so you make sure you get a pillow and put it in your momma's lap and let her have the pleasure of holding him with your assistance of course. That should be enough to make anyone want to keep fighting.
may your tears of sadness turn into tears of joy.
-Paula

[Georgeann P]

Carron,
I just wanted you to know you are not alone, many of us have the same feelings. Be sure to read my post about Erma Bombeck, the story there makes me feel very special. A warning though, it might make you cry. But everyone needs a good cry now and then. Your 9 year old reminds me of my older children and how they worry about their brother. I hate how all my children are affected by BPI not just the one injured. It has taken some of their carefree childhood away, which makes me sad. Also my Dad worries so much about my son that I wonder if it is bad for his health? I hope your mother does better and can hold her grandchild soon! My thought are with you during this hard time.