What about the Injured Child?

[frashley]

All children are gifts and I just have a few thoughts about the one with the injury. As children we learn from our parents and families and their behavior and experiences that we have and share with them. When my first daughter was born with a limp arm, I admit I was a little dissapointed that she was not perfect and had poor apgar results. My Husband was very devasted and worried and no one, including the Doctor seemed to know why her arm was limp. But I had to ask myself right then and there, how am I going to handle this? The way I looked at it I had two choices: I could cry and be dissapointed and feel hard done by or I could find all the positive things about my new beautiful Baby Girl and make her life as normal, fun and child like as possible. So I decided to find the positive and not dwell on the injury. Of course this does not mean I do not have concerns about my Daughters arm or even that she does not have difficulties. She is unable to do allot of things that her peers can do but we, her teachers and my family, always encourage her to try anything she chooses,sometimes we improvise to make it work. Her name is Ashley by the way and she has a moderate injury and will be having surgery soon to get some lift in her arm. Eventually we will also have to deal with her elbow contracture too. We welcome all the experiences and the new people we will meet and of course we try to make it as positive and normal as can be. Also we made the decision not to sue her Doctor for her but if she ever wants to sue we will support her all the way! When I read all the other parents posts I feel a little less than a good parent, like maybe I am not fighting hard enough for my child. But then I look at my daughter and my family and see that we are truly happy and Ashley feels just like a regular kid. We see Doctors regulaly and do our ROM. She is very excited about her upcoming surgery, I think she is looking forward to using her arm even more.

My thoughts are not intended for anything other than my own personal insight. I hope that nobody minds my saying my point of view. Maybe just maybe it will help another family too.

[Kathleen]

I think that was lovely.
My parents treated me like a normal kid and now that I am so grownup I realize that all of the play we did when I was a child was therapy... All of the games included therapy and I just thought they were playing with me and of course nagging me to use my arm.

Kath

PS I am 62 now and far from normal... LOL... I am a wife mother a grandmother and I guess normal and ordinary is not something I ever aspired to be... LOL... just kidding.

[francine]

Lenni - I think that most parents here feel the same way you do. It's just that we come here because we can vent and discuss things that we don't do in front of our children and sometimes not even in front of our families. It's our 'safe space' to let things out - our deepest fears, worries, emotions, questions, thought processes.
Hope you have a nice weekend,
francine

[christy]

That is quite nice. Thanks for sharing. Katie's (like most of the kids on here whom's parents you may be comparing yourself to and shouldn't be) injury was so that we had to address it. we had no choice, there was never any movement, not a wiggle or a jerk.

And while I worry that she is having her surgeries too close and I am not ready for this and that we make sure she has her normalcy as well. We work very hard not to make her feel any different than other kids. We don't shield her from failures or hard work. And we make sure she has her pops. I am her grandma (mamaw) and I take care of all the medical stuff, her mommy takes care of transportation to and from therapies and her grandpa--"pops" is all hers, pure and simple. He has zilch to do with anything related to her injury. And it works out for the best that way. He doesn't even discuss the injury or anything about the care in front of her. We talk only after she is out for the night. He wrestles around with her, he throws her up and around, he does everything (and probably more than most) that other parents do with kids that aren't special needs. And this is her grounding...her normalcy.

For a child that has gone through so much, people are amazed when they meet her. She makes a song out of everything. And the smile is marvelous and she has no embarassement about the way she has to use her arm--in fact most of us around her have become so accustomed to holding our right arm up and out and clapping that way that I forget and do it at work. And we limit the amount of time spend at therapy that she doesn't enjoy. What we can't find, we build or make up. And it is fun or it is short lived. No ifs, ands or buts about it.

So for all of you that could get by without surgery, don't have anger and don't have to sue just to pay for surgeries that cost upwards of 80 grand a piece and $500 a week in therapy--I wish I could be you. I don't mean this to be taken wrong, just as the original poster doesn't mean to make anyone feel badly. I just wish that I could still be ignorant and not know what this injury means to a family. It is a senseless and unneccessary injury and I for one can't say thanks doc. Just my opinion for today, I may feel differently tomorrow when the Prozac kicks in (ha ha)

[Kathleen]

Christy and Francine
You both know I wish my parents had sued...

Second of all if they had ... the years after my father died I might have had better medical care.He died when I was 10 and no spare money after that.... My husband has had to pay for my extended care. So while some may feel like my parents did that they did not want to sue... I feel differently...

Sorry Flashly but I am the one paying for the doctors mistake not him not his family ... me .... and I do have higher medical because of it! after years of compensation I have overuse of the unaffected arm and also had to retire early from work to protect the unaffected arm... All of my health issues are related directly to OBPI. Otherwise I would be a healthy more active person.

So while I think your feeling are great as I said and the fact that you let your Ashley have a normal life just as I had....

I would not want to give the impression that I agree about not suing... but it is your choice and one you have to make and live with ... but I do think that there is a time limit on when your child can sue.

Money seems to rule and when the insurance company pays enough people for injuries perhaps there will be better education on SD and babies will be delivered without injury.

As one who is obpi many times I come from a different point of view on this injury. I am the one injured I am the one who has lived my lifetime coping and compensating with this injury and adjusting. While I never felt any anger towards the doctors nor do I have and bitterness about being injured. I am happy I found UBPN too because I can express my feelings freely on the subject without judgement.

I think this is a great place for parents to share and to join together to help support their child. It is a place to vent for parents and I wish my mom had a place to vent... Because I have no idea how she felt about the doctor who injured me ... she never spoke of him .... she only spoke about the wonderful doctors at NY hospital who help me to start moving again and taught her how and what to do to finally get some movement out of my arm.

One of the great things about this board is the freedom to be different.... sue or not... one hospital or another .... surgery or no surgery... all the many choices made by parents on the board... and yet form support networks for their children... Now that is something most adult/obpi would love to have had... until ubpn I thought I was the only one with this rare injury... Now I have met two other adult obpi and two other tbpi... and that was great...

I still think its great not to make her arm the focus of her life... that is important... and it will help her in the long run... but remember She can never ignore it. she is challenged to do the ordinary and frustrated beyond her maturity but she will rise to her highest self with your help...

just my thoughts after reading the other posts....

[frashley]

Thank you very much for you replies.

[browning93]

This is just a great place for all of us to vent where others understand. Like all americans on all subjects we all have different opinions. Every injury is different. every birth experience was different and all our decisions in handling them are different. In our case my perinatologists told my ob to do a c-section because Michaela's neck was in my cervix and she was 2 weeks overdue and I'm diabetic. He didn't want to do it because of the diabetes and the fact that I'm TOO FAT or as they politely say OBESE. So he induced me and then LEFT THE HOSPITAL. His partner vacuum delivered when he decided to show up after 33 hours of erratic labor using pitocin, the nurse denied me my epidural so no pain meds, 3 and 1/2 hours of pushing, he walks in, decided it was dystocia, yanked her out and it took 20 minutes to resuscitate her. She got pneumonia from all the junk in her lungs, 2 neuromas,3 avulsions,Horners Syndrome,and 3 broken ribs. So, yes I SUED. I had to fight for my child because she will pay the rest of her life for their callousness toward me and her. Also, there is a statute of limitations of 2 years after the injury for you to sue. After that it's too late. Your child can't do it later. Sorry didn't mean to spout off. Just got through packing for our trip to Texas. Leaving tommorow for MOd Quad. If it wasn't for those quacks I wouldn't need to make the trip !

[Kristie]

From what I understand every state has it's own limitations. Mine I was told is 3 years for parnets to file but my son had up until he was 18.
I could be wrong.
Kristie

[browning93]

Your probably right. I didn't think about there being different rules in different states. I was only going by what our attorney told us for the state of Florida. I'm not an expert, just going by what I know from our experience.

[frashley]

Sorry, I was only expressing myself and questioning my stratagies out loud. Where I live you have to pay for a lawyer and trial unless you win. It is very uncommon to win against Doctors here. My uncle was paralized after a spinal for a prostate surgery. He spent the last 10 years of his life fighting and paying. He lost everything to his name and died very angry. That is where my decision comes from. I wish all of you with law suits the best and I hope you get those egotistical @#$%^!