Princes,
Hi! I had my accident two and a half years ago. I understand what you are going through as do others on the boards. I have just recently started taking an anti-depressant. I never really thought I was depressed or dealing with this injury badly, but I think that things are really starting to get me down! Keeping busy helps me alot too! If I can keep my mind on other things, I dont have the time to get bogged down by all the BULL! Are you seeing anyone right now, like a psyciatrist or anything? That is another thing that I am going to start doing in November. I think that it will be good to get an "outside" persons perspective of me and my life. It has taken me a lloonngg time to convince myself that it is ok to ask for help! I have a great friends and family support system as well. Being that I was just 21 when my accident happend, the whole thing was hard from the get go. I was great at putting on a happy face and just pretending, but I am tired of doing that! It really is a chore to pretend to be happy all the time when really you feel like CRAP! Well thats what I do and what I think so take it as you wish. Feel free to email me whenever you need to! I am always checking my email! DONT LET THIS GET THE BEST OF YOU!
Courtney (courtney@ubpn.org)
Need help
-
cbe411
- Posts: 1393
- Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2003 8:27 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: MVA in 2001, nerve graph in 2002, Median Nerve Transfer in 2004 and an unsuccessful Gracillis Muscle Transfer in 2006. I am living life and loving it! Feel free to contact me :)
- Location: Grosse Pointe Woods, MI
- Contact:
-
punchy sue
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 8:31 pm
Re: Need help
Princess-
Hi. I'm at stage one in this crappy process my first surgery Tuesday. I so understand everything you say. How much is it worth lokking like the bride of Frankstien to have just a little more movement in a dead arm. I was chatting with someone the other day and said that losing your arm is, in a way harder then losing a loved one. When someone dies, you have a big ceramony, and people cry, and people grieve, and people remember happier times you spent with the loved one, but then they BURY the loved one. We have all lost a loved arm, and we cry, and grieve, and remember happier times, but we aren't allowed the closure of burial, unless we amputate. Everyday we get to look down on little dead fingers and grieve all over again. When I had my accident, the police spray painted a circle of where my head landed on the road. A month or so after the accident, I drove to that spot on the road and just grieved. I so wanted to but a burial wreath and place it there. Maybe have a small ceramony of friends to say goodbye to my lost arm and I would feel better UNTIL... I wake up the next day and look down at my dead fingers and grieve all over again.
I agree with Courtney, I think all TBPIs should have counceling by someone who specializes in post traumatic stress. Anti-depressants can work to, but who wants happiness in a pill? There's just so muchof every emotion, it's too complex to figure out so just deal with it the best way you can and maybe feel good that at least your alive. The sunrise is a beautiful thing to see on the east coast. If I was dead, Iwould never be able to see it again!
Take Care! LOVE SUSAN
Hi. I'm at stage one in this crappy process my first surgery Tuesday. I so understand everything you say. How much is it worth lokking like the bride of Frankstien to have just a little more movement in a dead arm. I was chatting with someone the other day and said that losing your arm is, in a way harder then losing a loved one. When someone dies, you have a big ceramony, and people cry, and people grieve, and people remember happier times you spent with the loved one, but then they BURY the loved one. We have all lost a loved arm, and we cry, and grieve, and remember happier times, but we aren't allowed the closure of burial, unless we amputate. Everyday we get to look down on little dead fingers and grieve all over again. When I had my accident, the police spray painted a circle of where my head landed on the road. A month or so after the accident, I drove to that spot on the road and just grieved. I so wanted to but a burial wreath and place it there. Maybe have a small ceramony of friends to say goodbye to my lost arm and I would feel better UNTIL... I wake up the next day and look down at my dead fingers and grieve all over again.
I agree with Courtney, I think all TBPIs should have counceling by someone who specializes in post traumatic stress. Anti-depressants can work to, but who wants happiness in a pill? There's just so muchof every emotion, it's too complex to figure out so just deal with it the best way you can and maybe feel good that at least your alive. The sunrise is a beautiful thing to see on the east coast. If I was dead, Iwould never be able to see it again!
Take Care! LOVE SUSAN
-
cbe411
- Posts: 1393
- Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2003 8:27 pm
- Injury Description, Date, extent, surgical intervention etc: MVA in 2001, nerve graph in 2002, Median Nerve Transfer in 2004 and an unsuccessful Gracillis Muscle Transfer in 2006. I am living life and loving it! Feel free to contact me :)
- Location: Grosse Pointe Woods, MI
- Contact:
Re: Need help
"The sunrise is a beautiful thing to see on the east coast. If I was dead, Iwould never be able to see it again!"
That is a great way to look at it Susan! I like the way that sounds! I will say that I disagree about the anti-depressants though, I ha ve only been on them for a week and already feel a difference. If I knew that taking 100 pills a day would make me feel "normal" and not depressed, I would take them all and every day! I think that it is a personal decision though. I was tooo worried about what others might think of me knowing that I am taking it, that was why I procrastinated about talking to my doctor about it. People have no idea unless I tell them. I personally think they are GREAT!
Courtney
That is a great way to look at it Susan! I like the way that sounds! I will say that I disagree about the anti-depressants though, I ha ve only been on them for a week and already feel a difference. If I knew that taking 100 pills a day would make me feel "normal" and not depressed, I would take them all and every day! I think that it is a personal decision though. I was tooo worried about what others might think of me knowing that I am taking it, that was why I procrastinated about talking to my doctor about it. People have no idea unless I tell them. I personally think they are GREAT!
Courtney
Re: Need help
Hi Princess, Susan and Courtney.
While still in rehab, about a week after my accident, my 25 year old niece came to visit. She was so upset over the loss of use of my arm. I told her, hey, I'm still alive, the best things in my life I still have, and the worst thing (work) was gone temporarily! ha ha. I also told her regarding family and friends, that I could still see them, hear them, touch them, be happy and sad with them, the most important things really. She thought about that and now doesn't feel so bad for me. To get me through this I keep looking at the positive and all I do have, but do not intentionally make an effort to do so. I do get what I describe as sad sometimes knowing that I can't do some things anymore. This happens very rarely and I usually snap out of it pretty quickly.
But I still really enjoy my life now. I'm just only about 90%-95% as happy as I once was. But this will increase I'm sure. My accident was 10 months ago, and I declined to pursue surgery since all 5 nerves are avulsed. Dr Belzberg talked to me about surgery and getting some elbow motion back, enough to hold down paper when I write on it. Heck, the old arm is a pretty decent paper weight now doc! He suggested that without surgery I wasn't dealing with this injury and that in a few years I would have to amputate it. I've already accepted that due to reading the boards and talking with some of you. I'm sure I'll deal with that when the time comes. Sorry for rambling,and perhaps off topic. Good luck Susan and Courtney with your surgeries and physical recoveries.
Allison.
While still in rehab, about a week after my accident, my 25 year old niece came to visit. She was so upset over the loss of use of my arm. I told her, hey, I'm still alive, the best things in my life I still have, and the worst thing (work) was gone temporarily! ha ha. I also told her regarding family and friends, that I could still see them, hear them, touch them, be happy and sad with them, the most important things really. She thought about that and now doesn't feel so bad for me. To get me through this I keep looking at the positive and all I do have, but do not intentionally make an effort to do so. I do get what I describe as sad sometimes knowing that I can't do some things anymore. This happens very rarely and I usually snap out of it pretty quickly.
But I still really enjoy my life now. I'm just only about 90%-95% as happy as I once was. But this will increase I'm sure. My accident was 10 months ago, and I declined to pursue surgery since all 5 nerves are avulsed. Dr Belzberg talked to me about surgery and getting some elbow motion back, enough to hold down paper when I write on it. Heck, the old arm is a pretty decent paper weight now doc! He suggested that without surgery I wasn't dealing with this injury and that in a few years I would have to amputate it. I've already accepted that due to reading the boards and talking with some of you. I'm sure I'll deal with that when the time comes. Sorry for rambling,and perhaps off topic. Good luck Susan and Courtney with your surgeries and physical recoveries.
Allison.
-
punchy sue
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 8:31 pm
Re: Need help
Courtney
I'm on Lexapro 10 mg and it's an anti-depressent, so don't get me wrong, if it works, take it. Lexapro is also supposed to help with pain and increases the seratonin level in your brain that helps you deal with the pain. There's another one I heard of that helps with nerve pain like Elavil, I think.
What I meant in my earlier message, was more of a personal belief. I think our bodies are amazing vehicles and they want to be healthy. I don't want to rely on medacine the rest of my life to function because the side-effects are like poisin that after a large amount of time taking them can cause more health problems then they help. Like I say, this is a personal belief. I am a hypocrite thou because I smoke cigerettes and drink booze and have done other unhealthy things, but for what ever reason, medacine scares me.I am on a good amount right now and it effects my memory, my speach, dries out my mouth, etc. I would like to be able to let my body learn how to deal with the pain and depression itself. I don't know if it's possible, but if I believe it can then it can.
I'm glad you're feeling better now. Depression sucks! I've been on the edge of suicide several times from the pain and I, like you, have such a hard time asking for help. YOU DID A GREAT JOB BY HELPING YOURSELF! I wish healing on everyone. Listen to your bodies and you'll do the right thing.
TAKE CARE LOVE SUSAN
I'm on Lexapro 10 mg and it's an anti-depressent, so don't get me wrong, if it works, take it. Lexapro is also supposed to help with pain and increases the seratonin level in your brain that helps you deal with the pain. There's another one I heard of that helps with nerve pain like Elavil, I think.
What I meant in my earlier message, was more of a personal belief. I think our bodies are amazing vehicles and they want to be healthy. I don't want to rely on medacine the rest of my life to function because the side-effects are like poisin that after a large amount of time taking them can cause more health problems then they help. Like I say, this is a personal belief. I am a hypocrite thou because I smoke cigerettes and drink booze and have done other unhealthy things, but for what ever reason, medacine scares me.I am on a good amount right now and it effects my memory, my speach, dries out my mouth, etc. I would like to be able to let my body learn how to deal with the pain and depression itself. I don't know if it's possible, but if I believe it can then it can.
I'm glad you're feeling better now. Depression sucks! I've been on the edge of suicide several times from the pain and I, like you, have such a hard time asking for help. YOU DID A GREAT JOB BY HELPING YOURSELF! I wish healing on everyone. Listen to your bodies and you'll do the right thing.
TAKE CARE LOVE SUSAN
-
punchy sue
- Posts: 127
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 8:31 pm
Re: Need help
Allison
You kind of scared me because my surgery is on Tuesday with Dr. Belzberg. He told me the same thing about amputation and that's when I agreed to have surgery. There's such a short time period where nerve transfers can be sucsessful. I felt real pressured to do something, to at least try to get some movement. I already have said If I do have all 5 nerves avulsed, I'll probably amputate to my elbow after I see how my body heals first. I know that's a little premature thinking since my injury is only 3 1/2 months old, buut I have always been a very active person and I'ld rather not deal with the extra baggage. I think it would be liberating to amputate my dead arm and get that final closure and have a real burial service. The biggest thing I want from the surgery is knowing for sure what nerves I avulsed. I kind of wish I told Belzberg the same thing you did. But alas, on Tuesday, I am having a 12 hour surgery and really have to put my trust in Belzberg. Your post has shaken me up a little, I feel a little bit scared and nervous now. I'll get over it. I have to try to gett my arm to work. Who knows, maybe I'll be the miracle case the comes out of surgery with a completely fixed arm. You never know in this wacky world!?
THANX LOVE SUSAN
You kind of scared me because my surgery is on Tuesday with Dr. Belzberg. He told me the same thing about amputation and that's when I agreed to have surgery. There's such a short time period where nerve transfers can be sucsessful. I felt real pressured to do something, to at least try to get some movement. I already have said If I do have all 5 nerves avulsed, I'll probably amputate to my elbow after I see how my body heals first. I know that's a little premature thinking since my injury is only 3 1/2 months old, buut I have always been a very active person and I'ld rather not deal with the extra baggage. I think it would be liberating to amputate my dead arm and get that final closure and have a real burial service. The biggest thing I want from the surgery is knowing for sure what nerves I avulsed. I kind of wish I told Belzberg the same thing you did. But alas, on Tuesday, I am having a 12 hour surgery and really have to put my trust in Belzberg. Your post has shaken me up a little, I feel a little bit scared and nervous now. I'll get over it. I have to try to gett my arm to work. Who knows, maybe I'll be the miracle case the comes out of surgery with a completely fixed arm. You never know in this wacky world!?
THANX LOVE SUSAN
Re: Need help
Good to hear from you again Princess. That thread was really informative for newbies. Anyhow I took anti depressants for about a week or two but didn't really like the side effects even tho they defo made me feel happier. May go back on them again. Plus I tried a psychologist which was a load of rubbish..think she suggested me to walk the dog an extra 5 minutes a day. Ha.. and that is going to fix my arms and my mental state. AM hoping over time I will feel better as I have been fairly miserable the last 6 months but I have also been on the spinewire (its for spinal injuries) as mine was initially diagnosed as spinal and to be honest the people there would kill to be able to use one arm or wriggle their toes some more. So I know I shouldn't moan but!!!
-
Kathleen M
Re: Need help
Hi Princess
I am glad to see you posting again. Lots of folks here truly understand what is going on in your life...
And you were missed.
It's just me Kath...
I am glad to see you posting again. Lots of folks here truly understand what is going on in your life...
And you were missed.
It's just me Kath...
-
admin
- Site Admin
- Posts: 19873
- Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:59 pm
Re: Need help
Hi Ellen,
I read your post looking for the same answers. C7,C8,& T1 are torn without movement at all. Have you had any luck. It's been 5 months here and it's so hard learning to be a lefty & living with one arm/hand. I would appriciate any information on surgeons, etc that you can pass along to me.
Thank you for your post.
~Dorie
I read your post looking for the same answers. C7,C8,& T1 are torn without movement at all. Have you had any luck. It's been 5 months here and it's so hard learning to be a lefty & living with one arm/hand. I would appriciate any information on surgeons, etc that you can pass along to me.
Thank you for your post.
~Dorie
Re: Need help
Hi all, my wonderful world of people who can truly feel, relate, & understand what we all share in common. I know I've been away for a while now. Honestly, I think I made my main focus to be distraction from thinking and/or feeling. Its so much easier to go out, party, hang out w/friends & not hurt yet another day living this way. I feel so ungrateful when I say this. I know I'm lucky to still be here to see the sunset as some pointed out. Its true & I do realize this. I think its just hard to get over the emotional pain of how much life has changed. From one second to the next, its unbelievable how quick it can change & how much one can lose. So here is where I am right now. I'm not going to try to fix something that I know there is no cure for, so no corrective surgeries neccessary. My biggest issue lastely is wearing my sling everyday. Pretty soon I think I may hang myself with it, lol, joke people, laugh with me 
So 'm starting to strongly consider the following b/c I am in NO WAY considering, accepting and/or ready to amputate. I just can't fatham that idea. I do understand the benefits, but I know I can't handle the physical deformation & emotional pain that it'll leave me. Think about it. I wear a sling everyday & I can barely stand that any longer, looking injured, feeling injured, being questioned & receiving attention that puts a spotlight on my injury. No thank you, I just want to be left alone but that wont happen so I just live another day trying not to wring someone's neck, ha ha. Ok seriously, this is what I'm considering since I'm in no way, shape or form ready to think about amputating anytime in the near future. Since I have sublexation (my shoulder joint was pulled out of the socket so I have an inch gap) I'm not allowed to let my arm hang b/c the gap will increase & get worse. Thats why I need to wear my sling. My shoulder needs to be supported. Also, my arm falls to the side abnormally. Instead of my palm facing my leg, it faces behind me, so when you lookstraight at me you see the front of my hand insteadof the side of my hand. So I'm thinking of getting surgery just so I can let my arm hang by my side & never have to wear the dreaded sling again. I know its all for show & just to look "normal." If I do the surgery they can close the gap, rotate it so my arm falls normally & thats it. I'm not trying to fix the unfixable. I'm simply just trying to live with it & not have to worry about carring around a sling. I prefer to have my arm by my side. I think it will help me heal emotionally & physically b/c I wont look injured & feel so ostricized. I know there's nothing to fix our injury so as long as I have a way to keep my arm, not amputate, & look close to how I did before, that would be the goal. Thinking of surgery makes me nautious & completely emotional. I dont know what else to do anymore. I dont want to chase around a cure that doesnt exist. I just figure since I want to keep my arm then I need to secure it somehow so it can stay to my side. I'm not a very active person so I'm not worried about it really getting in the way too much. I know it will but I'm willing to deal with it b/c I;m not willing to part with it. You know, I read some comments & the words most of you wrote made me cry like a baby. Its like some of you took the words out of my mouth & put it in writing. About looking at my dead fingers & feeling the loss & pain, sooo true. I miss my arm more than anything in this world. I know I'll never have it back again. I just need to find a way to live with it & this is what I've come up with. Comments, ideas, suggestions, are all welcome. I want you all to know that I value your thoughts. We're all different & whats right for me may not be right for another so I may not agree with everyone but I do value & appreciate what you all have to say. Words are incredible people. Thank you all for touching me with your words & contributing to my healing.
So 'm starting to strongly consider the following b/c I am in NO WAY considering, accepting and/or ready to amputate. I just can't fatham that idea. I do understand the benefits, but I know I can't handle the physical deformation & emotional pain that it'll leave me. Think about it. I wear a sling everyday & I can barely stand that any longer, looking injured, feeling injured, being questioned & receiving attention that puts a spotlight on my injury. No thank you, I just want to be left alone but that wont happen so I just live another day trying not to wring someone's neck, ha ha. Ok seriously, this is what I'm considering since I'm in no way, shape or form ready to think about amputating anytime in the near future. Since I have sublexation (my shoulder joint was pulled out of the socket so I have an inch gap) I'm not allowed to let my arm hang b/c the gap will increase & get worse. Thats why I need to wear my sling. My shoulder needs to be supported. Also, my arm falls to the side abnormally. Instead of my palm facing my leg, it faces behind me, so when you lookstraight at me you see the front of my hand insteadof the side of my hand. So I'm thinking of getting surgery just so I can let my arm hang by my side & never have to wear the dreaded sling again. I know its all for show & just to look "normal." If I do the surgery they can close the gap, rotate it so my arm falls normally & thats it. I'm not trying to fix the unfixable. I'm simply just trying to live with it & not have to worry about carring around a sling. I prefer to have my arm by my side. I think it will help me heal emotionally & physically b/c I wont look injured & feel so ostricized. I know there's nothing to fix our injury so as long as I have a way to keep my arm, not amputate, & look close to how I did before, that would be the goal. Thinking of surgery makes me nautious & completely emotional. I dont know what else to do anymore. I dont want to chase around a cure that doesnt exist. I just figure since I want to keep my arm then I need to secure it somehow so it can stay to my side. I'm not a very active person so I'm not worried about it really getting in the way too much. I know it will but I'm willing to deal with it b/c I;m not willing to part with it. You know, I read some comments & the words most of you wrote made me cry like a baby. Its like some of you took the words out of my mouth & put it in writing. About looking at my dead fingers & feeling the loss & pain, sooo true. I miss my arm more than anything in this world. I know I'll never have it back again. I just need to find a way to live with it & this is what I've come up with. Comments, ideas, suggestions, are all welcome. I want you all to know that I value your thoughts. We're all different & whats right for me may not be right for another so I may not agree with everyone but I do value & appreciate what you all have to say. Words are incredible people. Thank you all for touching me with your words & contributing to my healing.